When this happens, it is usually because I like reading my little devotionals! I see the title of the next one and just want to keep going. I'm currently reading about hymns and just love it. All of them I've sung before, some many times. Yet, reading them instead of singing them right now brings out more beauty. Though, I have sung a couple out loud in the privacy of my own home, ha! Hymns just hold so much truth in their stanzas and it is so refreshing.
I need their God-given truths right now. I need to be refreshed, to renew my mind.
Life is hard, mixed with sweet. There's the comparison game. There's expectations that others won't meet. For crying out loud, there's not meeting your OWN expectations. There's the feeling of failure before you even start. There's being blown away by another's generosity. There's a time when your body questions your judgment and times when it simply hates you. There's the joy of friendship. There's the sadness of saying goodbye. There's deep pain in struggling with sin and letting go. There's a tear shed for seemingly no reason. There's the feeling of being overwhelmed. There's a moment of clarity that vanishes. Then there's a longing to get that clarity back. There's a lot of "WHAT?!" moments and feelings. There's sweet memories that sweep across your mind. And thankfully, there's much needed rest and assurance.
I won't go into too much detail on things because it's not necessary. We all have our own situations in which we could fill in the blanks from the above statements.
I will say that I did not do so hot on a race but I'm glad my friend was there; we are always there for each other. I talked to my Dad and cried; talked to my boyfriend and got frustrated; and talked to my friends and laughed. My body is recovering from the race on top of other ailments. I chatted with my Mom and was reminded of the anniversary of my brother's death, for which I always seem to remember on the day of his funeral because that is slightly more vivid, I suppose. Needless to say, it has been a rollercoaster and I'm a bit burnt.
I hope today and the next week or so affords me some of the rest I need and the ability to get away from reality to reassess, even for a little bit. I know the assurance has already started to seep in through reading Scripture as well as about the hymns "Holy, Holy, Holy" and "Take My Life and Let It Be."
If you haven't read or sung those, I encourage you to do so. I also encourage you to read the Bible. Words of life :)
I'm making my way to Africa tomorrow to work with the Adera Foundation. With everything going on, I haven't even stopped to really think about it. I'm excited and a smidge nervous but I actually really feel inadequate and unprepared.
Maybe that's exactly where I need to be… Fully hanging on to God because I know I can't do anything apart from Him, that He supplies all my needs, that He will never fail me, that He will work all things out for my good because I love Him, and that He will give me rest. Furthermore, He is holy and patient, merciful and kind, giving and gracious. And so much more! While here I am saying take my life -- the good, bad, and ugly -- and I will be "ever, only, all for thee."
The struggle is real. But I am not alone. You are not alone.
P.S. More to come about Africa!
