Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Integrity

I scream!  You scream!  We all scream for.....

Integrity!!  Right?  

No??  Why not?

I think we as a society strive for so many great things and characteristics but integrity doesn't always make the list. 

According to the dictionary, integrity is defined as
1) adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2) The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.

While listening to a sermon, the pastor said integrity was "consistent truthfulness in all situations."  I like both definitions.  Though, I liked the sermon simply for the reason that for quite some time now I have been trying to pinpoint my thought or word exactly on the issue of inconsistency in people.  All I could think of was there are so many inconsistent people in numerous settings.  Then when he spoke about integrity, I could agree that that was a more appropriate label. 

But what really got me was him saying integrity must be kept up, it is a gift, and people are not overly concerned about losing it. 

For myself, I don't exactly struggle with integrity issues, thankfully.  I'm open and honest (or at least definitely strive hard to be!) and that's a huge part of integrity, in my opinion.  I try hard to make sure my yes is a yes and my no is a no.  I like things to be clear and unambiguous, so might jump the gun on things and not let them play out (but that's another blog post!).  I also don't volunteer information but if you ask me a question, I will honestly answer you.  These are ways I maintain integrity. 

There are several examples from life I could put here.  A couple that come to mind are online dating and a question a guy friend asked.  I think I don't like online dating because you have to assume people are talking to multiple people at once.  Ugh.  First, this goes against my thinking that you should be with one person and/or being honest about who you're talking to.  Second, there's too many choices so some people keep looking and looking and looking for a "better" option, which is a whole other problem (and blog topic).  Third, I'd much, much rather talk to and get to know just one guy, the guy I actually really like, and not waste time on others.  Anyway, this "dating" situation makes me uneasy, though maybe it's me and it just takes time (to get off a site/app, ha!).  Then there was my guy friend who asked my age range for dating.  It went with the conversation at hand so wasn't totally out of the blue, but I hesitated a tiny bit before answering.  I even told him I hardly tell my girlfriends what he wanted to know!  But he asked, so I answered.  No harm done and he's likely forgotten anyway!

So, some situations and questions I've encountered made me feel uneasy or awkward or worse, but stating the need-to-knows and most definitely the TRUTH is always the best choice no matter what.  Yes, no matter what.  

It can be hard, yet this makes or breaks trust, which is the cornerstone of any relationship.  Keeping the other person in my life is what I want, even if I have to become humbled, embarrassed, forgiven for pride, or more to do so. 

I will say that not doing stuff that could or would cause loss of integrity or embarrassment is also very key.  If you don't lie, cheat, backstab or the like, or put yourself in situations where you might, then you're going to do yourself wonders in helping to maintain your integrity.  Put up blocks or check points if you struggle.  Treat others how you want to be treated.  Most important, listen to God and the people you trust.  God does have and those you love should have your best interest at heart. 

Interestingly, integrity actually came up as my number one strength in a fairly recent strengths and weaknesses test.  I wasn't surprised, on the one hand, because I consider myself a moral, honest, and consistent person, but I thought it was lame.  However, I don't really think that anymore, seeing its influence in so much of my day-to-day life by how I view other people and interact with them.  And now, from the sermon, I can understand why people do struggle with keeping theirs.  Though, I am absolutely nowhere near perfect in this area, much less any other!  So, I'm still right there with ya.  As the pastor said, "integrity doesn't require perfection but it does require commitment and consistency."

I've come to grips that some people are consistent in ways I dislike.  For instance, I have a few dear friends who will not text back in a timely manner.  Response time is erratic, typically taking a day.  More times than not, they get back to me but they're consistent on being late, in my opinion.  Ha!  Then there are the friends on the opposite side of the spectrum, which I much more appreciate.  They reply very promptly, typically within minutes.  Of course, I have those who fall in between and then still those who are one and then the other (i.e. very responsive and then fall off the face of the earth).  Honestly, I think doing so is exhausting and being consistent is much less exhausting.

Speaking of being exhausted, it will happen if you've lost integrity.  The pastor stated, "It never crosses your mind that 'if I do this then I will lose fill in the blank.'  No one puts in the blank integrity!  You may say, 'if I say or do this then I'll lose my marriage or my popularity or my whatever' but it's never 'I may lose my integrity.'"  And yet, we do.  Keep it though, and we have an incredible gift to give to others and/or pass on to family. 

To help avoid the bad, know and think on this: 
"Integrity vulnerability is if you overvalue other people's opinions OR if you undervalue the full truth OR if you overestimate what you can control on your own OR if you underestimate the consequences."

Monday, June 12, 2017

Have Faith

"Let your faith be bigger than your fear."

This quote hangs above my new bed and the faith part proved to be a good reminder today because...

It has begun.  The time it takes to unpack.  The time it takes to get settled at a new home and new job.  The time it takes to get to know new people.  

This is the same basically anywhere I go and the amount of time for each varies.  Thankfully, I've been here in SD before so I feel slightly at home and have my bearings.  I've also already done fun things with friends.  So, I'm not too worried about all the above but do want things to pan out quickly.  Ugh.  I can be impatient, for sure. 

I needed the faith reminder because...

It has begun.  The pull to be in OK and TX.  The feeling of being undatable or never finding the right guy.  The questioning thought, "Why am I here?!"

This also isn't entirely new.  It has just been heightened because I want to hug one of my best friends as she mourns the loss of her grandmother, there has been another great guy put on the "not interested" list, I want to say goodbye to a friend before she moves away, and I have high doubts anyone will visit since it hasn't happened in the past. 

The questioning thought is somewhat new, yet I don't seem to know why I'm anywhere I am until after I leave or after I meet a certain person.  I look back and can say, "That's why I was here, that's why God put me here."  Things like learning a life lesson, having a conversation with a patient or coworker about Christ, helping those around me as best I can, displaying Christ to a non-believer, being a friend, gaining forever friends, and so on.

Right now, all I can say is, for whatever reason, I'm supposed to be in SD.  I don't understand and I don't get it now, but I think this because I looked at a lot of jobs all over and applied to several.  This one worked, like all the other jobs I've had, and seemed a good fit.  It just made sense to me so I have some peace, just need renewed faith God knows exactly what's up, He has a plan. 

I recently told a friend the following: 
"Now, even though I may never get to hear your thoughts and feelings about religion/God/beliefs/hangups/etc, I know they're there.  They're there for me, too.  I'll just say that I think spiritually should be simple.  It is about a relationship with God, which is made possible by taking away our sins through the grace extended to us by the perfect sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.  "For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things."  Psalm 107:9 
So, I will continue to encourage you to seek the truth now.  You could open the Bible, read books, ask questions, be open, express doubt or unbelief.  God can handle it."

It's true!  I have to take my own advice, especially in light of my present situation. 

I have a faith; I know God cares.  Still, I have hangups and doubts.  Sometimes I don't believe that God is good.  Sometimes I don't believe that God will provide.  Sometimes I don't believe God has plan or, really, that He's going to share the plan with me.  

However, I choose to take things to God and keep doing what I can, to have faith.  Daily. 

Where there is fear of the unknown, have faith. 
Where there is stress, have faith.
Where there is sorrow or disappointment, have faith. 
Where there is hope or a dream, have faith. 
Where there is joy, have faith. 
Where there is peace, have faith. 
Where there is love, have faith.


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Mind. Body. Spirit.

I was recently given a gift, and I gave a gift.  It's funny to me how the two intertwine, especially when they were quite separate.  The gift I was given was actually very unexpected but a big blessing, and I could only hope that the gift I gave was the same.  At the very least, I was super excited to give it -- it had an awesome theme, ha!

My car got fixed!  While it was sitting in Ohio, it was attempted to be broken into, so the lock was gone and the handlebar broken from the drivers door.  I drove to Iowa as I originally planned and left my car with friends.  By the time I had gotten back to pick up my car with half of my belongings in it, the husband surprised me by having fixed my door!  He kept saying there was no warrantee but I didn't care.  It was great. 

It's gifts like these that are unexpected but oh so nice!  It truly is better to give.  Now I don't have to worry about having my door unlocked (and my car or stuff actually taken) nor do I have to find a place to get it fixed at my next destination.  It's also these types of gifts that I feel like I don't know what to say or do in response.  I almost offered to pay for the parts but I ended up stopping myself and just accepting the gift.  He wanted to do it because he wanted to do it, and I should let him. 

His generosity, I feel, is two-fold: for one, it makes me appreciative and also makes me feel like doing something nice in the future for someone else, almost like paying it forward.  The other thing I gleaned from this is the fact that I did not deserve his generosity or ask him to do what he did for me, and yet he still did it.  It shows me that that is how God works.  If we got what we actually deserve or even what we actually ask for, it is sometimes not going to be good, not going to have a good result.  God knows this and because God loves us He doesn't give us what we ask for sometimes (but what we need) and He gave us the greatest gift of all, His Son.

As for the gift I gave, it's theme was this blog's title and had three separate gifts to represent each category along with a lot of words, haha!  It was fun to put together and I know it did not come from my little brain but from my little heart.  In the end, my friend didn't want to accept it.  His reasoning was easily disregarded in my book because he has no idea how much I spent on any of it.  That and there is another underlying reason from him that I'm also going to slightly disregard, ha!  Now I'm long gone, so he's kinda stuck with it.  Besides, read the above :)

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Homeless but Not Hopeless

Since leaving West Virginia about three weeks ago, I don't have a "home" address.  I'm not even sure where to call home almost at this point.  Oklahoma...?  Texas...?  Where I'm headed...?  It's kind of sad.  Though, I've made a joke of it now with people by frankly saying I'm homeless with no explanation up front.  It's quite humorous.

I'm like a leaf blowing in the wind or a gypsy traipsing around the states.  Depending on the scenario, it's good, fun, hard, or all of the above.  An example of this would be packing up my stuff.  It's kind of fun because you're playing Tetris with all your stuff, trying to squeeze it in into every corner of the car or bag.  That's also hard.  You just don't know how much stuff you have or what limited space you have until you actually try to fit everything into a minuscule area.  But then, it's good -- you finally get everything to fit into said area and you're off!  The bonus is when you can actually see clearly out the back window; triple bonus when you can see out your back window and side mirrors!  ...I mean... this always happens.  Safety first!

Traveling so much has also definitely brought out some personal flaws, like trying to remember where the heck I put something to use or to give to someone else.  So frustrating.  Case in point, I set aside my Mother's Day card and a friend's birthday card and then forgot them both, so they were going to be majorly late.  Thankfully, my friend didn't mind and I was able to write a sweet note in the book I gave her instead.  My mom just said she'd rather hear my voice anyway and to save the card for next year, haha!

Back to the fact that I don't have a current address.  Sometimes I'm not sure what to tell people.  Do I give my parent's address?  Do I say I'm about to know my address in South Dakota and just hold tight?  Do I give them the address of the place I just left?  Depending on what is needed, all those have been used.  The parents have won out almost, I suppose,(Extra mail for you!  You're welcome.), otherwise it goes something like this... 

I was talking on the phone with my Commander and he asked, "Now where is home?"  I paused and said I didn't have one.  I felt the brimming of a tear, which I repressed, and carried on in the conversation.  After a minute, he asked again, "Where is home?"  I said, "No, really.  I don't have a home right now.  I'm literally driving through Kentucky with half my belongings in my car, while the other half are in a storage unit in Texas."  That time he believed me and just remarked, "Oh yeah... because you travel so much."  Yes, exactly.  That thing called my crazy, fun life and, ultimately, my job.  Then he followed up with, "Are you driving and talking…?"  Uh, oh.  Guilty.  My Commander said I was in trouble but he was kidding, thankfully. 

Now here's the latest and greatest in regards to traveling and my job.  And, consequently, the answer to the question I've gotten several times:  When are you going to be done traveling?  

Well, kinda now.  I've decided to take another contract job in South Dakota and I'm very excited!  This one is much longer, however -- like unless something unpredictable happens, I'll be there at least a year.  My Mom is slightly dreading the fact that it's longer because she thinks her "elusive butterfly" of a daughter is going to get caught, to meet some guy and stay up there for forever.  I just find this funny. 

I've gotten different responses to the new job news, mainly positive ones, including congratulations.  Other  responses have been, "So, who's the guy?!"  Like there wouldn't be another reason to move to South Dakota, haha!  I assured her there was no guy and that there truly was a reason to move there: I'm moving and taking the job for me.

I think it will be quite refreshing to be in one place for an extended period of time, to say the least.  Actually, I think it is much needed.  I'm ready to be as settled as life will allow right now and we'll see what happens from there.  I say that because I don't actually know what will transpire and I still feel as though I have strong ties to Texas due to church, friends, and Army obligations.  Still, I know God is  leading me to be in SD for now, though I don't know exactly why. 

Anyway, the bonus is that I've been to SD before and really enjoyed my time amongst the state's beautiful landscape and the fun with friends, so I'm looking forward to returning.  Side note: if you've never visited, you should!  You could see me and Mount Rushmore :). Beyond that, I believe the job will be a great fit -- I'll be able to get more sports dietetic experience while also being more of an outpatient teacher, and I've heard the people I'll be working for and with are awesome.

So, I will have a home address again very soon!  Still, I know that I have a home with my family in Oklahoma, and, wherever I go, I will make a home for myself.  I also know that I can come back to any of the places I stayed or lived and feel at home.  A good example is the family in Iowa who let me crash at theirs and let me leave my car with them while I vacationed.  They make me feel loved and included, even if time is short.  Another is when I get to visit my best friend.  She lives in Oklahoma with her family and I typically see them there but ever so often I see them in Texas at her parent's house.  They are my adopted family, whom I love dearly.  It's always, always so wonderful to see them and catch up, while relaxing and eating yummy food.  I hope my home and family are like them one, fine day.  

For now, I'm thankful for my new upcoming home and hopeful for the future to be filled with God at work and seeing friends and family from all over at "home" :)

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Musings While Traveling

Here are blurbs from my trip, in no particular order, as I took time to venture through 3 different states to complete my goal of seeing all 50 states before I turn 30 :)  Basically, you're getting a snapshot into my head as I travel about, followed by some favorite pictures I took along the way!

I suppose this trip is unique for several reasons but I don't recall having this song pop into my head since being a kid: "This land is your land.  This land is my land.  From California to the New York island.  From the redwood forest to the Gulf Stream waters.  This land was made for me and you!"  So true and fitting!  Been to all those places ;)

I get annoyed when my luggage gets pulled during checking.  I don't have anything crazy!  Plus, the things "caught" I would have thought wouldn't be and vice versa.  Then, I see why it's flagged and explain what and where it is but no, they have to unpack it all.  For the love!  "This is a well packed bag."  Thanks??  "Did the military teach you this packing?"  No. Give me my bag. 

I'm really liking the USOs!!  No, no.  Thank you for YOUR service.  They've definitely come in handy while waiting for a flight.  God bless America. 

Spending the day in the airport isn't on my list of things to do.  Shocking.  It just goes with flying non-rev, and it's definitely a love-hate kinda thing.  So, if I'm in the bathroom an abnormal amount of time, I'm either in the midst of whole30 or doing squats for exercise.  Keepin' it real. 

I went digging for diamonds in Arkansas!  A guy had been there at the site almost 40 days (!) and found 5 little diamonds so I felt my chances were real slim and my excitement went downhill fast.  I lasted about 1.5 hours :/

I feel like my Dad and I bond over finding flights to get to my destination.  I love him. 

I think Utah (as in Salt Lake City) is my arch nemesis.  I might not make it there again due to weather ...and apparently too many people wanting to fly there for whatever reason!

Note to self: Do not live in Arkansas.  Allergies were immediate and quite terrible. 

It's okay to be last.  Sometimes you get a really sweet car. 😎

I said good job to myself.  I had to pack weeks before leaving and be prepared for desert heat and cold to the mountains to the beach with a sleeping bag and 1-person tent.  I did it all in a 64L backpack and small Kanken day pack.  If that weren't enough, I had forgotten some of the items I packed, so upon discovery, I was like "Alright! Good job packing!"

Camping ain't for sissies.  --Day 1 with friend. 

I'm really camping!  None of this glamping stuff.  I set up my own tent and was so proud :)  --Day 3 without friend. 

I've been frigid most nights I've been sleeping outside lately.  It rained today and hopefully won't tonight.  I think I'm prepared but if not I decided I could just jump in my car.  Then I was like no, I should sleep in the outhouse!  That thing was the cleanest one I've ever seen, didn't stink, and was warm.  Bingo.  (I didn't do it but it was plan C) --Day one too many without friend. 

I seriously saw a sign with Mussentuchit on it as if it were a destination.  Hahaha!!

While hiking or driving, don't forget to stop and look all around. There's so much beauty being missed otherwise! 

Surprisingly, I like camping for the fact that I have to go to bed when it gets dark and then get up when it's light.  I still get about nine hours of sleep and feel rested, and there aren't any distractions like TV to keep me up.  It also makes for a full, next day :) 

I ran into a Dad and his two, young boys (Eric, Trayton, and Ben) from Nebraska, who were delightful and were gracious enough to let me join them for a bit of their hike in Zion NP.  It was a nice break from being by myself.  So thankful!  Side note: Utah is such a beautiful state! And Zion NP is gorgeous and I did one of my most favorite hikes to date there (Angels Landing).  I will be back for sure!

People can knock on MREs all they want, but they came in handy this camping trip!

I like having my phone off, to be purposefully disconnected.  I like even more when I open it up after having it off awhile to hear my text message chime go off.  I've gotten some great texts.  They make me laugh, make me feel loved, or both.

Cruise control is a God-send.

A Fiat Spider124 is going to be my next car.  Fast and sporty :)

I was spending the day in SLC and decided I wanted to do something active like hike.  Even though that's what I'd been doing for the past few days for free, I paid 10 bucks to walk trails and take pictures of flowers.  Go figure. 

I don't understand people who purposely wait until the last minute to board their flight.  Like hello!  I want a seat and your lolly-gagging is making that take longer. 

"4 for $20!!  We want to go home!!"
- guy at farmers market stand

I shoulda been a racecar driver. 

"You WANT those guns."
- guy passing by in park as I'm lifting my bag for an arm workout 

You know you're in a really small town in the middle of basically nowhere Oregon when a store advertises selling firearms and groceries!

And then, when you think there's no service but you turn on your phone anyway, you get a text from a friend who is sweet and encouraging :)

Oregon has some of the prettiest scenery but some of the absolute rudest drivers.

I rode my bike all day around Portland.  I just love cities that I can do that in!  It is one of the best I have experienced for biking and was fun.  I also counted it as a day of training for my portion of an Ironman that me and friends want to do.

I love the beach!  I love the mountains!  I think I could live in Oregon.  Just wish the water were warmer and the drivers nicer. 

No one is at the campground but me.  I'm not sure if that's good or bad.  I do know that if I die tonight in Clearwater Falls, it won't be from mosquitoes.  I sprayed that tent like nobody's business!

Sometimes I just need a hug.  I had one of those moments along with the thought that I needed to talk to my best friend.  (Sometimes you just need a Mom hug and I've found out I'll get one of those a lot sooner than I thought!)  As soon as I got reception, I planned on texting my bestie, and you know what?  A text from her came through.  It's like we're on the same wavelength.  I love when that happens :)

I was driving and the thought crossed my mind, "why are there are so many cars right now?!"  Then I realized that one, I was driving through a "big" city (Bend) and two, I've literally been around absolutely no one for the past few days.  Needless to say, I felt claustrophobic.

Friends see friends.  I drove a ways to see a sweet friend in Washington.  We bonded in TX 3 years ago over Jesus, bikes, and broken body parts, haha!  The visit was much to short but worth it :)

So, it almost goes without saying, while on vacation, you witness some weird things (like a guy playing a harmonic in his car) and you do some gross things (like blow your nose using a sock instead of tissue), yet you do some of the greatest things (like test your fear of heights and your willpower to be alone and quiet) and you make some spectacular memories to reflect on after leaving your time of reprieve (like taking in the majestic views from legit hikes). 

As you can see, my trip has provided a little bit of everything!  Highs and lows.  Joys and failures.  Laughter and almost tears.  Smiles and confusion like "what the...?!"  New experiences and lack of showers.  Seeing sweet friends after years and chatting with family and friends.  Time alone and time with God.  All of which I'm so, so thankful. 

And the fun isn't over just yet!  It's now beach and condo time with friends :)