This past weekend I hosted a dinner for some of my friends and it was so great! I think I have a pretty awesome place to call home and this was the first time I got to really share it with others. My set up has an outdoor patio and rooftop access -- bliss -- and I finally finished the majority of decorating so I felt like I had to show it off. Really though, it's just nice to finally have everything in its place for the most part. Needless to say, I'm going to really miss my apartment because so much of my stuff that is a part of me, in a sense, is there and I'm going to live in a place that has nothing very soon.
Another unique thing in life is that I work with a chef and so I got up the nerve to have several courses at dinner. Mind you, I am no chef. I think it's fun to cook and bake but I am definitely not a trained professional! I had success and I had failure. My friends were gracious and said everything was wonderful. Thankfully, the point was not to have the most amazing food ever but to get to know my friends better. I feel like that happened.
My chef had just made Panang shrimp curry for a chef tasting dinner that was 10 courses long! I helped her serve and dish up all those courses, but the curry stuck out to me so I wanted to make that. I didn't know what else to serve with it so I went with a curry theme! I had an appetizer with curry in it, currywurst, as well as a salad with curry vinaigrette, and truffles with curry powder in them for dessert ...so yeah curry, curry, curry! I don't think any of my friends had any clue but it was fun for me, haha! *I say "my chef" not because she is actually mine but because she's my landlord and boss and I love her to death! She teaches me so much and not just food-wise. She is one of the most patient people I have ever met, for instance.
The dinner was a success in the end, and it reiterated the fact that it's okay to ask for help and that it is sometimes necessary. It also brought back many memories of me cooking for friends back in grad school as well as having people over to teach how to cook or help me bake something. Those are some really great memories.
That's one thing that has been cooking lately, literally. Something else that's been boiling as of late is the fact that I am learning so much and am having my eyes opened in new ways. For example, I have had the time to get together weekly with a sweet friend and really delve into both big and small life issues while we read a study together. This has helped immensely in many ways! I also recently had the pleasure of sitting down with two older couples from church who gave me several insights into life. I had basically asked a question regarding how to relate and talk to others who just are different from me in some ways. What they had to say was timely and good. One gentleman even said that it sounded like God was using me, which is true! Praise God! But there's no doubt about it, I need Him to know what to say and do. *I know this example is vague. It's just that so many things I've been learning dovetail together that it's hard to pick just one thing to say and it's also difficult to write out now because there seems to be many moving parts. It's definitely a "let me thrash it out in person/over the phone" kind of thing.
On a lighter and much different note, I am learning that people are really interested in my love life and are slightly confused. Apparently one Facebook post is all that is needed! Haha! At least some have asked for clarification, which I don't mind at all and actually appreciate. I can appreciate them trying to set me up, too :) And who knows what will happen while I'm on my next assignment!
Which brings us to the final thing that has been stewing in life: my going to my next work assignment in Iowa. People keep asking if I'm excited... Yes and no. Of course it's exciting to go somewhere new and start something that I think will be a good experience, because, big picture-wise, I feel good about it since I prayed and got the job just like the SD one and since I've been reading about (and consequently putting into practice) God's peace. Still, there is the other side of me that doesn't want to work (yep, a month off will do that to ya!) and just wants to stay home where it's familiar and I have a routine.
However, getting out of my bubble, in any facet of life, enables me grow and is a shining light to the fact that I need to lean on Christ. I also think that I was made for this, in a sense. My brother once told me that he thinks I adapt to change quickly and well. Beyond that, a friend once told me he was giving me the spirit animal of a Chameleon because I blend in well with my surroundings. In essence, I adapt to change. It's pretty awesome to hear what other's see in you!
I pray this continues to ring true along with my newest tagline, "See you in three months!" After which I hope to hear in each one's way, "Talk to you before then!" I know it will happen, especially since one friend told me he'd miss my Pikachu voice and another reminded me of the truth that it is so nice to hear a friendly voice. Until then, I'm going to keep on trekking, learning, struggling, laughing, smiling, thinking, and more.
Friday, September 30, 2016
Friday, September 16, 2016
Happy, Beautiful, Relaxed
People ask me quite often, "What are you doing?" since they haven't seen me in a hot minute and FB can only reveal so much. My response? Whatever I want :)
And it's true! I am literally doing whatever I want each day this month since I'm taking the time off from my full-time job. Man, I love it. I can sleep in if I want, I can go to bed late if I want, I can eat dessert first if I want, I can sleep naked if I want, I can read if I want, I can dance and listen to music all day if I want, I can craft it up if I want... You get the picture.
I was slightly hesitant about how my time at home would look, as in I didn't know if it would be easy to pick up where I left off in a sense. Thankfully, it has been very easy and I'm even fitting in things or people I hadn't previously. I picked back up outings with friends, a running schedule, breaking it on the dance floor, attending small group, and more. I continue to go to church, have fun in general, and do PT for my knee. I'm grateful that I've been able to add visiting my nephew, decorating my apartment, and meeting weekly with a friend to discuss a book/Bible study while home.
I've even been able to visit my old work stomping grounds. It was a great time to see so many wonderful faces of those who love and miss me! After the visit, one of my co-workers said I looked happy, beautiful, and relaxed. I appreciate her bringing that to light for many reasons but, to keep it simple, I'll just say that the truth will always shine through.
As you can see, I stay fairly busy. I try to be productive and set expectations for myself each day. I am not a complete bump on a log, though I'm not opposed to taking some days at a slower pace, possibly only getting around 3 things checked off the ever-changing "to-do" list.
I don't mind because I think that getting at least my top 3 things done that day then it has been a good day. Besides, my day is filled with other good things beyond accomplishing that list. There are unspoken and unwritten goals, such as growing and learning on a very personal level, stimulating my brain, and being flexible for what might pop up.
Being flexible is a learned behavior that has served me well. I'm not perfect at it -- I do love a plan. Though I believe it, among other traits, are essential in life. I've had some mornings filled with completing paperwork for my next work assignment as well as for Army. That wasn't planned, but it gets done and other things get shifted about.
That shifting is a sort of brain exercise, yet what I was referring to above was my want to continue to learn about new things and sharpen what I may already know. I've listened to some podcasts, sermons, and friends who are in completely different work fields than myself. It's all quite fascinating! Who knew there was so many cool facts about gold or that a young woman didn't exist or that behavior analysis could be so beneficial for autistic children and their families or that John Piper talked at Google claiming God is jealous yet isn't egotistical? Not going to lie. I feel a little smarter, a bit more cultured, and definitely less hermit-like after listening to that kind of stuff, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that!
You know why it's not wrong? Cuz I can do what I want! But seriously, it is an effort to keep learning. However, I also want to grow personally and spiritually, which is so incredibly multi-faceted! I'll just state a couple things I'm doing in this vein:
1) continuing to connect with lovely friends who know me and keep me accountable -- one good example is with navigating boy-world, for which I gain wisdom and counsel from said friends amongst whom I can verbally process my standards for who I date and ask for prayer to stick to those standards while also better deciphering my thoughts and feelings in order to continue a relationship, end it, or simply take a step back to observe.
2) reading books to work through struggles and to equip myself for the future -- I'm working through "The Armor of God" study with a friend. So good. I highly recommend it! I am also reading a very enlightening book on happiness, and I hope to pick up my thick nutrition book to refresh and dive into another book I just borrowed.
So much has happened and there is so much more I want to do! So, in the near future I will hopefully soak up all the time I can with friends before I'm gone again, read and read some more, listen intently to sermons and the like, put the finishing touches on my "so much personality" place, visit my nephew a zillion more times, bake deliciousness, just do as I wish...
And it's true! I am literally doing whatever I want each day this month since I'm taking the time off from my full-time job. Man, I love it. I can sleep in if I want, I can go to bed late if I want, I can eat dessert first if I want, I can sleep naked if I want, I can read if I want, I can dance and listen to music all day if I want, I can craft it up if I want... You get the picture.
I was slightly hesitant about how my time at home would look, as in I didn't know if it would be easy to pick up where I left off in a sense. Thankfully, it has been very easy and I'm even fitting in things or people I hadn't previously. I picked back up outings with friends, a running schedule, breaking it on the dance floor, attending small group, and more. I continue to go to church, have fun in general, and do PT for my knee. I'm grateful that I've been able to add visiting my nephew, decorating my apartment, and meeting weekly with a friend to discuss a book/Bible study while home.
I've even been able to visit my old work stomping grounds. It was a great time to see so many wonderful faces of those who love and miss me! After the visit, one of my co-workers said I looked happy, beautiful, and relaxed. I appreciate her bringing that to light for many reasons but, to keep it simple, I'll just say that the truth will always shine through.
As you can see, I stay fairly busy. I try to be productive and set expectations for myself each day. I am not a complete bump on a log, though I'm not opposed to taking some days at a slower pace, possibly only getting around 3 things checked off the ever-changing "to-do" list.
I don't mind because I think that getting at least my top 3 things done that day then it has been a good day. Besides, my day is filled with other good things beyond accomplishing that list. There are unspoken and unwritten goals, such as growing and learning on a very personal level, stimulating my brain, and being flexible for what might pop up.
Being flexible is a learned behavior that has served me well. I'm not perfect at it -- I do love a plan. Though I believe it, among other traits, are essential in life. I've had some mornings filled with completing paperwork for my next work assignment as well as for Army. That wasn't planned, but it gets done and other things get shifted about.
That shifting is a sort of brain exercise, yet what I was referring to above was my want to continue to learn about new things and sharpen what I may already know. I've listened to some podcasts, sermons, and friends who are in completely different work fields than myself. It's all quite fascinating! Who knew there was so many cool facts about gold or that a young woman didn't exist or that behavior analysis could be so beneficial for autistic children and their families or that John Piper talked at Google claiming God is jealous yet isn't egotistical? Not going to lie. I feel a little smarter, a bit more cultured, and definitely less hermit-like after listening to that kind of stuff, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that!
You know why it's not wrong? Cuz I can do what I want! But seriously, it is an effort to keep learning. However, I also want to grow personally and spiritually, which is so incredibly multi-faceted! I'll just state a couple things I'm doing in this vein:
1) continuing to connect with lovely friends who know me and keep me accountable -- one good example is with navigating boy-world, for which I gain wisdom and counsel from said friends amongst whom I can verbally process my standards for who I date and ask for prayer to stick to those standards while also better deciphering my thoughts and feelings in order to continue a relationship, end it, or simply take a step back to observe.
2) reading books to work through struggles and to equip myself for the future -- I'm working through "The Armor of God" study with a friend. So good. I highly recommend it! I am also reading a very enlightening book on happiness, and I hope to pick up my thick nutrition book to refresh and dive into another book I just borrowed.
So much has happened and there is so much more I want to do! So, in the near future I will hopefully soak up all the time I can with friends before I'm gone again, read and read some more, listen intently to sermons and the like, put the finishing touches on my "so much personality" place, visit my nephew a zillion more times, bake deliciousness, just do as I wish...
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
A Real Sound Check
What's your favorite sound? Kind of a weird question, right? Well, it was posed during one of those multi-question, get to know ya, everyone has to answer dealios. I found it quite an odd question so that's probably why I've never forgotten it, even after all these years. My answer, after a while of thinking, was that my favorite sound is my phone's text message chime.
That was my answer that day and still is to this day. Seemingly ironic since I don't care to have my phone glued to my hand, but perfect because, when I hear it, it's like be-be-be-be-boop Guess who... be-be-be-be-boop Someone loves you... be-be-be-be-boop Someone wants to talk to you... be-be-be-be-boop Someone is going to make you laugh, smile, or both... be-be-be-be-boop!
It just makes me feel good. And I love certain things in regards to texts/that sound:
1) I love it when I leave my phone alone for a good while and come to a screen filled with texts and/or calls (aw, feel the love),
2) I love it when I hear the chime and look at the screen to see that it's from someone who I wouldn't have expected or from a guy I particularly like (duh. what girl doesn't like that?!), and
3) I love it when I think about someone and hope to see there name pop up and then it does (totally happened last night!).
Know what else makes me feel good? All the times I've heard, "I've missed you!" or "I'm so glad you're back!" or all the times I've received a big bear of a hug when I see people. That makes me feel loved after traveling and being gone for months.
A huge reason why I feel that way and why life is so great is obviously because of people, especially those I love and cherish. The past 3 days have been overflowing! I've been able to spend each day with friends, and it's been the best! Me, my best friend, and her family watched football and ate delicious food all day while intermittently entertaining 2 little ones, playing board games, and throwing horseshoes outside. The next day was filled with a house-warming party with more food, more friends, and some super intense ping-pong games followed by "watch out, things are going to go down" Scattergories playing. Lastly, the roughly 7-mile hike that proved fun despite our original thinking of only going a short distance, which was then rewarded with cooling off in the pool while passing a volleyball around amongst a lot of laughter and then chilling with yummy pizza and a classic Indiana Jones movie.
Like I said, the best. Of course, there were some friends I thought of and selfishly wished they were with me, yet I know they were right where they needed to be so I couldn't wish too hard ;)
I suppose I'm so thankful and being slightly sentimental because I know it could all be gone in an instance. More so, I was reminded of that after speaking to a friend just before those 3 days took place and then personally reminded while driving home from day #1. My friend has received some health news that is serious, and I almost got into 2 different wrecks due to the other driver's lack of skill, honest. However, both circumstances provided a check for me.
I already know I'm saved, so I'm not afraid of dying. I know God is in control and I'd be with Him in heaven. I'm just not sure I'm going to like how it happens -- I mean, I'd like to die in my sleep when I'm well into my 90s! Who knows when death will take me, but I'd like to think I'm ready. Still, there are certain points in life when things happen that make me stop and think, make an evaluation of how I'm living my life right now.
Am I building people up? Am I burning bridges? Am I listening to God? Am I living selfishly? Am I harboring anger towards someone? Am I holding onto some one or thing that needs to go? Am I being the best Dietitian I can be? Am I making an effort to see or stay in touch with family and friends? Am I worried about what's out of my control? Am I relishing what I have versus thinking of all the have-nots? Am I needing to change? etc.
Thankfully, I'm still alive and can still hear my favorite sound as I work through things and know that God is working on me and equipping me.
That was my answer that day and still is to this day. Seemingly ironic since I don't care to have my phone glued to my hand, but perfect because, when I hear it, it's like be-be-be-be-boop Guess who... be-be-be-be-boop Someone loves you... be-be-be-be-boop Someone wants to talk to you... be-be-be-be-boop Someone is going to make you laugh, smile, or both... be-be-be-be-boop!
It just makes me feel good. And I love certain things in regards to texts/that sound:
1) I love it when I leave my phone alone for a good while and come to a screen filled with texts and/or calls (aw, feel the love),
2) I love it when I hear the chime and look at the screen to see that it's from someone who I wouldn't have expected or from a guy I particularly like (duh. what girl doesn't like that?!), and
3) I love it when I think about someone and hope to see there name pop up and then it does (totally happened last night!).
Know what else makes me feel good? All the times I've heard, "I've missed you!" or "I'm so glad you're back!" or all the times I've received a big bear of a hug when I see people. That makes me feel loved after traveling and being gone for months.
A huge reason why I feel that way and why life is so great is obviously because of people, especially those I love and cherish. The past 3 days have been overflowing! I've been able to spend each day with friends, and it's been the best! Me, my best friend, and her family watched football and ate delicious food all day while intermittently entertaining 2 little ones, playing board games, and throwing horseshoes outside. The next day was filled with a house-warming party with more food, more friends, and some super intense ping-pong games followed by "watch out, things are going to go down" Scattergories playing. Lastly, the roughly 7-mile hike that proved fun despite our original thinking of only going a short distance, which was then rewarded with cooling off in the pool while passing a volleyball around amongst a lot of laughter and then chilling with yummy pizza and a classic Indiana Jones movie.
Like I said, the best. Of course, there were some friends I thought of and selfishly wished they were with me, yet I know they were right where they needed to be so I couldn't wish too hard ;)
I suppose I'm so thankful and being slightly sentimental because I know it could all be gone in an instance. More so, I was reminded of that after speaking to a friend just before those 3 days took place and then personally reminded while driving home from day #1. My friend has received some health news that is serious, and I almost got into 2 different wrecks due to the other driver's lack of skill, honest. However, both circumstances provided a check for me.
I already know I'm saved, so I'm not afraid of dying. I know God is in control and I'd be with Him in heaven. I'm just not sure I'm going to like how it happens -- I mean, I'd like to die in my sleep when I'm well into my 90s! Who knows when death will take me, but I'd like to think I'm ready. Still, there are certain points in life when things happen that make me stop and think, make an evaluation of how I'm living my life right now.
Am I building people up? Am I burning bridges? Am I listening to God? Am I living selfishly? Am I harboring anger towards someone? Am I holding onto some one or thing that needs to go? Am I being the best Dietitian I can be? Am I making an effort to see or stay in touch with family and friends? Am I worried about what's out of my control? Am I relishing what I have versus thinking of all the have-nots? Am I needing to change? etc.
Thankfully, I'm still alive and can still hear my favorite sound as I work through things and know that God is working on me and equipping me.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Communication
These long road trips I've been taking as of late have offered quite a bit of time to do some thinking, reflecting, and processing. Thinking in the sense of "How much longer?" "When will my butt stop hurting?" "I can't wait to see my little nephew; he's going to be so cute!" etc. The time has also been enveloped in reflection such as "I'm going to miss my South Dakota friends." "I'm sure glad I got to have this summer there!" "I need to take time to reflect on all that I've learned and see that I put it to good use." Still, the long drawn out one is processing. I process things that have happened that I don't understand and go through a range of emotions like the bad-sad-mad-glad kind of scheme. I like to verbally process or write things out so as I drive I use my microphone to "write" i.e. this blog post. But truthfully, getting what's in my head out by whatever means is helpful on many levels.
As I'm processing something someone did to me and as well as something I did to someone else, I began thinking of my biggest pet peeve.
Some seemingly minute pet peeves of mine include cussing, bad grammar, nail biting, knuckle cracking, and smacking. You know, they're like fingers on a chalkboard. However, the one that takes the cake is bad communication.
I'm not alone. Communication is a big pillar in life in order to be a functioning member of society with people who still want to be around you, so bad communication is a big problem. Communication is key in life and for life.
Communication is even a college degree! I remember taking a couple communication classes in college and thinking, "This is cool and important. I wish I could take more classes on the subject." It wasn't my major so I knew I wouldn't. However, I'm always learning. Just because I'm not in a formal classroom doesn't mean I'm not trying to communicate and understand people who aren't like me or don't think like me nor am I restrained from, say, picking up a book to read for self-development about how to communicate better. So, even though I will never be a perfect communicator or an expert on the subject, I will not stop trying.
So much hinges on communication that I can't afford to not try. I mean, you can't read my mind! If I want to tell someone something, I need to say it. Albeit, I'd like to make my mind known in a loving way, no matter the topic. If I want to have good friends, people to do stuff with, or family to support me, I have to talk. Though, the street goes both ways.
Now, even though I tend to hold people to a high standard (which is another obstacle I am processing through), I do believe there is a level of timely communication that everyone should meet. If someone calls you, call them back. If someone texts you, text them back. If someone emails you, email them back. Etc. ad nauseum. For me, I tend to do it right then so I don't forget after getting swept back up into what I'm doing. I might even say, "Let me get back to you!" -- and actually do it in a timely manner (yep, phone reminders are awesome) or "Can you please remind me about that later?" Honestly, I find getting back to someone to be common courtesy and simple. Yes, it takes effort but it's worth it.
I also find it highly frustrating when someone does not communicate. It's rude, thoughtless and/or immature. Ain't nobody got time for that! I think of the golden rule to treat others how you want to be treated -- I know I would not like to be ignored or brushed off or forgotten so I try hard not to do that to others. I know things happen and we're all flawed people, so when it happens, I try to be understanding and forgiving. However, if it's a pattern or the person doesn't even say anything about not being able to get back to me, I'm not afraid to 1) say something and 2) say adios or take some space. Sure, I'll still be friendly but I'm not going to care more about or put more effort into the relationship than the other person. That's not sustainable or right.
It doesn't matter the relationship, romantic or otherwise. Now, I have been that poor unfortunate soul who has been ghosted in a romantic sense, which is another story, but ghosting can happen in any setting and it does fall into the rude and immature category for sure. Calling it "being ghosted" is a new term I learned but an old concept. To sum it up, it's when someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore but can't just say it nor can they convey that in another way, so they just fall off the face of the earth. And the bridge is burned. There have been cases in my life where it's been rebuilt but it takes time and, even then, I'm cautious.
So, as you can see, I'm more of an honest person and would rather be hurt upfront but have a clear end. Thankfully, I've been told I'm tactful so, surely if I have to tell some thing to someone, it will go well. Anyway, here's a hilarious article on being "ghosted":
http://www.bustle.com/
If you can't tell someone something, big or small, without getting your feelings hurt or fearing that you will hurt their's or without getting upset about it, you're in for a world of hurt.
It's going to be hard because we live in a fallen world and people are going to hurt you. I know I can only control my own reaction. Process those emotions, get a game plan of what to say or do, and do it.
Over the years, I've definitely learned that people will disappoint me and that I should have a game plan. I am always learning about myself and about others; how to communicate better; how to get over the fear of being awkward; how to gracefully, tactfully, and lovingly say what I need to; how to understand where the other person is coming from; how to take someone's rebuff, etc.
Perfect example: A dear friend sat me down one day and told me that I was hurting her by being late to our outings. She knew I wasn't doing it on purpose but it was happening again and again. I cried. I could see the hurt in her eyes and hear it in her voice, and I truly didn't want that and that I was sorry. It was hard to digest but I am truly very grateful she loved me and our friendship enough to tell me. I believe she was the one who pinpointed the fact that I overschedule myself, so I decided to work on it. Though I love to do fun things with friends, I try to say yes to only one (maybe two things) in an evening, even if other fun things come up, so that I can be on time, fully enjoy whom I'm with and what I'm doing, and be consistent.
I took all of what she said and feel that I've changed positively over time. Maybe it won't always work just like that... maybe it's taking things with a grain of salt or digesting 25% of what's said and disregarding the rest, but I know without a doubt that I can't fix something I don't know about. And if I don't know about something maybe I'm not evaluating my thoughts and actions often enough or well enough. Also, maybe someone isn't loving me enough to communicate.
I can't make anyone talk to me if they don't want to. I can't always know the reason for people's words or actions. I can only take care of myself and come to peace with the above two facts, which is sometimes easier said than done. Nonetheless, I'll still continue to try and love others as God loves us and to try to live my best life for Him.
As I'm processing something someone did to me and as well as something I did to someone else, I began thinking of my biggest pet peeve.
Some seemingly minute pet peeves of mine include cussing, bad grammar, nail biting, knuckle cracking, and smacking. You know, they're like fingers on a chalkboard. However, the one that takes the cake is bad communication.
I'm not alone. Communication is a big pillar in life in order to be a functioning member of society with people who still want to be around you, so bad communication is a big problem. Communication is key in life and for life.
Communication is even a college degree! I remember taking a couple communication classes in college and thinking, "This is cool and important. I wish I could take more classes on the subject." It wasn't my major so I knew I wouldn't. However, I'm always learning. Just because I'm not in a formal classroom doesn't mean I'm not trying to communicate and understand people who aren't like me or don't think like me nor am I restrained from, say, picking up a book to read for self-development about how to communicate better. So, even though I will never be a perfect communicator or an expert on the subject, I will not stop trying.
So much hinges on communication that I can't afford to not try. I mean, you can't read my mind! If I want to tell someone something, I need to say it. Albeit, I'd like to make my mind known in a loving way, no matter the topic. If I want to have good friends, people to do stuff with, or family to support me, I have to talk. Though, the street goes both ways.
Now, even though I tend to hold people to a high standard (which is another obstacle I am processing through), I do believe there is a level of timely communication that everyone should meet. If someone calls you, call them back. If someone texts you, text them back. If someone emails you, email them back. Etc. ad nauseum. For me, I tend to do it right then so I don't forget after getting swept back up into what I'm doing. I might even say, "Let me get back to you!" -- and actually do it in a timely manner (yep, phone reminders are awesome) or "Can you please remind me about that later?" Honestly, I find getting back to someone to be common courtesy and simple. Yes, it takes effort but it's worth it.
I also find it highly frustrating when someone does not communicate. It's rude, thoughtless and/or immature. Ain't nobody got time for that! I think of the golden rule to treat others how you want to be treated -- I know I would not like to be ignored or brushed off or forgotten so I try hard not to do that to others. I know things happen and we're all flawed people, so when it happens, I try to be understanding and forgiving. However, if it's a pattern or the person doesn't even say anything about not being able to get back to me, I'm not afraid to 1) say something and 2) say adios or take some space. Sure, I'll still be friendly but I'm not going to care more about or put more effort into the relationship than the other person. That's not sustainable or right.
It doesn't matter the relationship, romantic or otherwise. Now, I have been that poor unfortunate soul who has been ghosted in a romantic sense, which is another story, but ghosting can happen in any setting and it does fall into the rude and immature category for sure. Calling it "being ghosted" is a new term I learned but an old concept. To sum it up, it's when someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore but can't just say it nor can they convey that in another way, so they just fall off the face of the earth. And the bridge is burned. There have been cases in my life where it's been rebuilt but it takes time and, even then, I'm cautious.
So, as you can see, I'm more of an honest person and would rather be hurt upfront but have a clear end. Thankfully, I've been told I'm tactful so, surely if I have to tell some thing to someone, it will go well. Anyway, here's a hilarious article on being "ghosted":
http://www.bustle.com/
If you can't tell someone something, big or small, without getting your feelings hurt or fearing that you will hurt their's or without getting upset about it, you're in for a world of hurt.
It's going to be hard because we live in a fallen world and people are going to hurt you. I know I can only control my own reaction. Process those emotions, get a game plan of what to say or do, and do it.
Over the years, I've definitely learned that people will disappoint me and that I should have a game plan. I am always learning about myself and about others; how to communicate better; how to get over the fear of being awkward; how to gracefully, tactfully, and lovingly say what I need to; how to understand where the other person is coming from; how to take someone's rebuff, etc.
Perfect example: A dear friend sat me down one day and told me that I was hurting her by being late to our outings. She knew I wasn't doing it on purpose but it was happening again and again. I cried. I could see the hurt in her eyes and hear it in her voice, and I truly didn't want that and that I was sorry. It was hard to digest but I am truly very grateful she loved me and our friendship enough to tell me. I believe she was the one who pinpointed the fact that I overschedule myself, so I decided to work on it. Though I love to do fun things with friends, I try to say yes to only one (maybe two things) in an evening, even if other fun things come up, so that I can be on time, fully enjoy whom I'm with and what I'm doing, and be consistent.
I took all of what she said and feel that I've changed positively over time. Maybe it won't always work just like that... maybe it's taking things with a grain of salt or digesting 25% of what's said and disregarding the rest, but I know without a doubt that I can't fix something I don't know about. And if I don't know about something maybe I'm not evaluating my thoughts and actions often enough or well enough. Also, maybe someone isn't loving me enough to communicate.
I can't make anyone talk to me if they don't want to. I can't always know the reason for people's words or actions. I can only take care of myself and come to peace with the above two facts, which is sometimes easier said than done. Nonetheless, I'll still continue to try and love others as God loves us and to try to live my best life for Him.
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