Saturday, April 20, 2019

Easter 2019

It is "Happy Easter" because it is finished and He is risen!!

As the day approaches, I can't help but think of the following list given by the Chaplain on Palm Sunday:

The first time He came as a lowly carpenter
The next time He will come as a risen conquerer

The first time He came riding on a donkey
The next time He will be riding a white horse

The first time people ridiculed and beat Him
The next time people will bow in His presence

The first time He came weeping
The next time He is coming with a shout

The first time He came to redeem man
The next time He will rule all of mankind

The first time He had no money for taxes
The next time He will own everything

The first time He came alone
The next time He is coming with saints and angels

The first time He was mocked and scorned
The next time His enemies will be under His feet

The first time He had nails in His hands
The next time He holds a sword

The first time He hung on a cross
The next time He will sit on a Throne

The first time He was judged
The next time He will be the Judge

The first time men put Him to death
The next time He will destroy the enemies of God

The first time He came as a man
The next time He will come as God

The first time He was the Lamb
The next time He will be the Lion

The first time He was meek and lowly
The next time He will come in power and glory

The first time He wore a crown of thorns
The next time He will wear a Crown of Crowns

The first time He was called King of the Jews
The next time He will be King of Kings

The first time He came as a lowly Nazarene
The next time He is coming as the Lord of Lords

Praise God and amen!


Monday, April 15, 2019

Special

I remember a time when people would say I'm special.  I think it was because I really tried to do right and make others feel special.

I don't try as hard these days, honestly. 

There's only been one other time I explicitly backed off from doing things, which was after finishing being an RA.  I was burned out.  I would take a lot of time and effort to make and write cards, organize something fun, try to keep in touch with phone calls, etc.  I grew tired of organizing fun things, inviting people, making/preparing food, cleaning, etc for a poor turnout.  I grew tired of others not calling me to see how I was doing.  I grew tired of spending time on others when they didn't spend much time on me.

I would drive hours on end to see a friend and only about two friends have visited me since leaving OK (if you count guys who had crushes).  I spend time and money on flying places for once in a lifetime events and it seems but a few will do the same for me.  I drop everything to help out or chat.  I put relationships first and others do not, period.

I think my reason to not do stuff now is along the same lines.  People don't reciprocate.  People do what they want and put what's important to them first.

I know my obviously faulty thinking is that it's tit for tat, in a positive way.  I do this, they do that ...but along the same lines as what I had done and along the same intensity.  It would be easier if I could just control them.  Hahaha!!  I awkwardly laugh so it doesn't turn to crying because that definitely has not happened every time.  Not at all.  And I don't want to be controlling.

It's not like I did (or do) everything expecting something in return.  In a way, that's a natural response, but maybe I should focus on trying to do more things with no expectations.  It would be a slow and painful process (how to begin?!) but would save headache.  I'd also like to focus on the times people did show, did make me feel special and a priority, and did put relationships first.  Those are some great memories :)

Besides that, I'd like to get back to knowing I'm so loved by God and full of life that I can give without having to receive as I would think fit (or from whom I would think is fit).

Spending time with God lends itself mightily to this last goal of spending time with God, the most important goal. 

Today I texted "don't you feel special?" to someone in jest.  Then read the following verses and thought of all the above.  It's hard to love other people (makes me think of the quote, "love difficult people, you are one of them") but we, as Christians, are called to do so.

Galatians 6:7-10
Do not be deceived and deluded and misled; God will not allow Himself to be sneered at (scorned, disdained, or mocked by mere pretensions or professions, or by His precepts being set aside.) [He inevitably deludes himself who attempts to delude God.] For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap.

For he who sows to his own flesh (lower nature, sensuality) will from the flesh reap decay and ruin and destruction, but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.

So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good [morally] to all people [not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good and advantage]. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith [those who belong to God's family with you, the believers].


Friday, April 5, 2019

Needs

The compliments came in a rush.
"You're so charming!"
"I just love your laugh!"
"You definitely don't look your age."

It was nice, not gonna lie.  Moments like that kinda make me think, "God gives you what you need."  And in unexpected ways or through unexpected people.   Another similar incident was having a really good, deep conversation about anything and everything.  It's been awhile since I've had one of those.  It was refreshing.

It's not like I haven't ever gotten a compliment or had a good chat but, more like, sometimes I really need the positive boost, some innocent attention, or deeper thinking.  If I don't get it from a source I'd expect or am used to, well, I suppose these incidences are proof I'll get it somehow, ha!

Then the conversation with all the compliments  turned interesting.  That guy started saying how he had just gotten a divorce after 23 years of marriage and that his new philosophy was to not take anyone's sh*t anymore.  I had that look of shock and not knowing what to say, lemme tell ya.  Basically, he now wants someone with their act together and someone attentive to and willing to meet his needs.  Can't exactly blame him there.  We all want that, I believe!

He complained of not getting affirmation or appreciation from his then wife and how that was wrong.  Again, wasn't sure what to say other than another person won't fill every need, only God can do that.  I can see his point though, because I'd like to receive those things too, among other things, but I don't.  I don't get the things I want or think I need  daily, for instance, and can fall into negative thinking too.  At this point, he decided to call it quits (I'm sure more was going on but simply put...) and all I decided to do about it was pray, get affirmation from God and others (like the nice compliments when they come), be thankful and content with what I have/what happens, make known that I would like my perceived needs to be met, look outside myself in order to give, work on myself (i.e. digging deeper into God), tell myself the truth, and live my life as best as possible.  Obviously, I don't believe it's grounds for divorce; it would just be nice to have those desires realized more often.

That said, one influence on his decision to divorce, I believe, was the fact he alluded to there being a lot of people in the world and one of them surely can meet that need.  To this I say, yes, I believe that to be true.  Even my Dad said, after me complaining about one of my guy interests, that I could stop and try to find someone else more inclined to give me my love languages, words of affirmation and quality time.  Consequently, there surely is at least one person in the world who would give him what he wants, but he didn't chose that type of person to marry (seemingly) and that "special" someone else will have other hurdles to overcome in other areas.  It's what someone once said to me, it's about what you can or are willing to put up with.

Besides, this thinking puts the focus on you and your needs instead of God or His plan.  The point of marriage or any relationship, really, isn't your needs.  Plain and simple.  It's more about how you're  becoming more like Christ and how you're expanding His kingdom together.  I see a bit better why my premarital counselor started with making sure we each had our needs met by God and didn't need the other person, making sure our cups were constantly filled by God so that we could pour into each other and even others.  I also remember hearing how a couple can't look to each other, basically because the other person is as fallible as you.  So then, each person must look to Christ, who is the supplier of all and, more importantly, the common point of focus and goal.

He went on to say marriage shouldn't be THAT hard, and he had married his best friend and stayed in so long because of "love" and his kids.  From the marriage stuff I've heard and listened to, having a marriage that works IS hard work.  You both have to give 100%.  It's hard work ON YOURSELF!  You can only change you with God's help.  It's about you doing the right [biblical] thing every time.  It's about you undergoing these actions:
1) become the right person -- not Hollywood-version of right but God-version of right -- Ephesians 4
2) walk in love -- again not Hollywood-version but God's -- Corinthians 13
3) fix your hope on God and seek to please Him in the relationship
4) when failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3

By-products I would think and hope after those actions would be the purpose of the relationship being above and beyond what you imagined, exponential growth both individually and together, picking your battles wisely, being secure in all life areas -- emotional, physical, financial, mental, etc, weathering life storms better together, treating each other with utmost respect, loving God's way (unconditionally), raising the next generation well, serving each other/family with fervor, etc.  There would be fewer tears and more laughing, less time arguing and more time being excited for the future, and less hurt and unmet needs and greater love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

No doubt that guy had personal issues and his wife, too.  I only heard his side, of course.  It was sad.  My shallow take is she became a burden to him, they closed each other off, and then there was a slow unraveling.  Love is a choice, you know?  Working on yourself is too.

Now then, do I think God wants anyone's life to be miserable, like he was saying his life had turned?  Absolutely not!  So, this is definitely where God steps in.  I believe anything is possible with God.  He can change someone in no time at all, if He wanted.  He can change your relationships.  He can change attitudes, perspectives, circumstances, and more.  He can change you, and I think that is what He is most interested in doing.