"You're so charming!"
"I just love your laugh!"
"You definitely don't look your age."
It was nice, not gonna lie. Moments like that kinda make me think, "God gives you what you need." And in unexpected ways or through unexpected people. Another similar incident was having a really good, deep conversation about anything and everything. It's been awhile since I've had one of those. It was refreshing.
It's not like I haven't ever gotten a compliment or had a good chat but, more like, sometimes I really need the positive boost, some innocent attention, or deeper thinking. If I don't get it from a source I'd expect or am used to, well, I suppose these incidences are proof I'll get it somehow, ha!
Then the conversation with all the compliments turned interesting. That guy started saying how he had just gotten a divorce after 23 years of marriage and that his new philosophy was to not take anyone's sh*t anymore. I had that look of shock and not knowing what to say, lemme tell ya. Basically, he now wants someone with their act together and someone attentive to and willing to meet his needs. Can't exactly blame him there. We all want that, I believe!
He complained of not getting affirmation or appreciation from his then wife and how that was wrong. Again, wasn't sure what to say other than another person won't fill every need, only God can do that. I can see his point though, because I'd like to receive those things too, among other things, but I don't. I don't get the things I want or think I need daily, for instance, and can fall into negative thinking too. At this point, he decided to call it quits (I'm sure more was going on but simply put...) and all I decided to do about it was pray, get affirmation from God and others (like the nice compliments when they come), be thankful and content with what I have/what happens, make known that I would like my perceived needs to be met, look outside myself in order to give, work on myself (i.e. digging deeper into God), tell myself the truth, and live my life as best as possible. Obviously, I don't believe it's grounds for divorce; it would just be nice to have those desires realized more often.
That said, one influence on his decision to divorce, I believe, was the fact he alluded to there being a lot of people in the world and one of them surely can meet that need. To this I say, yes, I believe that to be true. Even my Dad said, after me complaining about one of my guy interests, that I could stop and try to find someone else more inclined to give me my love languages, words of affirmation and quality time. Consequently, there surely is at least one person in the world who would give him what he wants, but he didn't chose that type of person to marry (seemingly) and that "special" someone else will have other hurdles to overcome in other areas. It's what someone once said to me, it's about what you can or are willing to put up with.
Besides, this thinking puts the focus on you and your needs instead of God or His plan. The point of marriage or any relationship, really, isn't your needs. Plain and simple. It's more about how you're becoming more like Christ and how you're expanding His kingdom together. I see a bit better why my premarital counselor started with making sure we each had our needs met by God and didn't need the other person, making sure our cups were constantly filled by God so that we could pour into each other and even others. I also remember hearing how a couple can't look to each other, basically because the other person is as fallible as you. So then, each person must look to Christ, who is the supplier of all and, more importantly, the common point of focus and goal.
He went on to say marriage shouldn't be THAT hard, and he had married his best friend and stayed in so long because of "love" and his kids. From the marriage stuff I've heard and listened to, having a marriage that works IS hard work. You both have to give 100%. It's hard work ON YOURSELF! You can only change you with God's help. It's about you doing the right [biblical] thing every time. It's about you undergoing these actions:
1) become the right person -- not Hollywood-version of right but God-version of right -- Ephesians 4
2) walk in love -- again not Hollywood-version but God's -- Corinthians 13
3) fix your hope on God and seek to please Him in the relationship
4) when failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3
By-products I would think and hope after those actions would be the purpose of the relationship being above and beyond what you imagined, exponential growth both individually and together, picking your battles wisely, being secure in all life areas -- emotional, physical, financial, mental, etc, weathering life storms better together, treating each other with utmost respect, loving God's way (unconditionally), raising the next generation well, serving each other/family with fervor, etc. There would be fewer tears and more laughing, less time arguing and more time being excited for the future, and less hurt and unmet needs and greater love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
No doubt that guy had personal issues and his wife, too. I only heard his side, of course. It was sad. My shallow take is she became a burden to him, they closed each other off, and then there was a slow unraveling. Love is a choice, you know? Working on yourself is too.
Now then, do I think God wants anyone's life to be miserable, like he was saying his life had turned? Absolutely not! So, this is definitely where God steps in. I believe anything is possible with God. He can change someone in no time at all, if He wanted. He can change your relationships. He can change attitudes, perspectives, circumstances, and more. He can change you, and I think that is what He is most interested in doing.
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