Thursday, February 28, 2019

Hard Knock Life

I made a search for "top life stressors" and clicked on the second list I saw because it also had "and ways to handle them" in the title.  Heck, I'd like some advice and positivity with the bad, which was the following:
1) death of a loved one
2) separation or divorce
3) getting married
4) starting a new job
5) workplace stressors
6) financial problems
7) moving to a new home
8) chronic illness or injury
9) retirement
10) transitioning to adulthood

I can pretty much check 7 out of these 10 over the last 6 months.  Yikes.  There has been some form or fashion of all except numbers 1, 9, and 10.  Although I did not endure number 1, my significant other did (and I tried to comfort), I wish number 9 was happening now, and 10 took place awhile ago but there are days I question why it had to happen (and days I conspire to undo it!).

I will admit to not handling all the stress well, at all times.  Imagine that.

I just read these verses, ironically. 
James 1:2-4,12
Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.
Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.
But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.
Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him.

Had I read those verses before all the stressors began, it might have been a different story.  Maybe.  A little.  I'm far from perfect.  Nonetheless, they are a good reminder and encouragement now.

I definitely felt the pressure, cried, almost ran to get away ...but then got up the next day to do it all again.  I'm not sure I've prayed so much; I know I've had consistent times with God before, but many recent times I was fully enveloped, focused, and engaged, which doesn't always happen to me.  I also see how I will never be independent of God.  So, I don't know exactly about endurance, steadfastness, and patience, but I did learn some things.

I also needed people surrounding me.  I've called many a friend and family member, and I am grateful to have my guy beside me through it all.  I've heard if you want to go fast, go alone;  if you want to go far, go together.  We do, and we've made it this far! 

Maybe it's in my head but he seems to handle things better ...and then I load more on him.  He's actually going through the same things!  And possibly more of it.  Of course, I pray for him, too.

I remember when life seemed a bit easier, and I could go fast.  Yet, I gladly chose a relationship and will always choose him :) and, I suppose in some ways, I haven't slowed down but have tried to pull my guy along.  Psst!  It doesn't really work.  Then throw in the stressors above (and the general expectations I had about romantic relationships, whether good or bad, realistic or not) and my life has experienced some bumps. 

Just as I read and thought of verses, I read and thought of a few quotes:
"Marriage is more about work than about divine luck, more about finding someone to love than about finding someone to meet your own laundry list of personal needs."
Along the lines of: Don't worry about being "enough." Focus on being your best self [for/towards your significant other].
"If you want the benefit of having an ox, you're going to have to endure the poo that comes with it.  The goal is to have a positive poo to ox ratio."
"The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the 'right' person, feeling the 'right' emotions, thinking the 'right' thoughts, or even praying the 'right'prayers.  It's about doing the 'right' things -- period."
"Why doesn't God have a special person just for you?  Because He knows His principles of love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness work, and they work all the time, every time -- no matter to whom you are married."

Whatever the stressor, I know without doubt I have my God, my guy, my family, and my friends.  And I'm going to make it through and be better off for it!


Thursday, February 21, 2019

Riding the Bench

My grandfather used to tell us grandkids that he was "riding the bench" when we asked him to go on a ride or do something with us but he didn't want to.  It was a clever way to say, "Nah, I ain't doing that."  Growing up, I didn't like it but now I think it's funny.

That explains the title.  I'll talk about another bench here soon, though.

Last night, I couldn't sleep well due to a massive headache.  I was tossing and turning, just dosing.  Earlier, during my shower time, I was praying and thinking.  The wheels were turning before I hit the sheets.  It's fun to see God work.

I once was asked if I write my posts all in one go.  And yes, 97% of the time, I do.  That's not by chance.  I think I get a small stroke of God-genius!  Especially since some of the stuff I say can't possibly be coming from me.  And I write it.  Usually it starts in my head (shower time), becomes more concrete in a bit of time (tossing in bed), and then is penned (what you're reading now) with a few additions.

I love it!

This particular post came about after talking with someone close to me.  The long of the short is that I ended up saying this:

"I think both our current situations lend themselves to the important facts of relying on our faith and needing to tell ourselves the truth, not just one day but every day.

The truth is what God says.  And it can be applied to ourselves and to our circumstances.

We might also need to simply ask Him what He wants us to do or learn or ask why we're here [in this situation].  I asked Him for one reason as to why I had to stay longer where I am and I believe it was so I could meet and become friends with a certain woman.

I think these verses are better in context and I mainly thought of verse 28, but still, read them:

Romans 8:28-32 from the Amplified Bible
28 We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

29 For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was aware and loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning [foreordaining them] to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness], that He might become the firstborn among many brethren.

30 And those whom He thus foreordained, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified (acquitted, made righteous, putting them into right standing with Himself). And those whom He justified, He also glorified [raising them to a heavenly dignity and condition or state of being].

31 What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?]

32 He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?"

I said a couple other things and hoped they'd be encouraged, at the very least.  I have no idea if they were or not but that doesn't matter in my opinion.  Plant the seed and let God do the rest!  Hard to do but I try.

Anyway, I thought of verse 28 because I believe God will work things out for our good "to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose."  Despite the bad, the pain, and the frustration, God has a good plan.  Now, my attitude during those times could be the problem and definitely needs tweaking...

So, while tossing and turning, an image of a bench came into my mind.  It was a long, older-looking piece.  It had definitely been outside and had seen better days.  Then I imagined God perfectly painting it with a stark, no blemish white.  It then went through a storm and had that distressed look and another one and looked strained and more patchy, but it didn't matter.  God joyfully came to paint it again in that beautiful white.

I thought about it.  And figured, I'm the bench.

I go through rough times and look or feel the worse for wear.  I'm distressed, anxious, frustrated.  Yet, I go through good times and look or feel free.  I'm beautiful, peaceful, beaming.

I will always be reliant on God, no matter my circumstances.  I am being patiently painted by God, who has the perfect stroke to make me into the woman He created me to be and who won't ever quit until I'm with Him.


Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Naps

Adults should get daily naps!  I feel like that's all I need to say.  Everyone should agree.  There are advantages.  It's a no-brainer! 

I'm going to start a petition.

I've gotten to take one every day for a bit now, and it's glorious.  I feel refreshed after and ready for part two of the day!  Bonus: I still sleep at night!

I think I've overrun myself a smidge and my body is catching up.  Who can relate??  I mean, life is rough sometimes.

Well, off to get extra pampering in while I can! :)


Friday, February 15, 2019

Blindly Committed

This whole active duty military life introduction has been quite extreme and, at many times, humbling. 

I have two different perspectives: family and service member.  Lately, I've been on the member side and have been influenced by several outstanding people -- whether having a good conversation, helping get my gear, offering expertise, making me laughing, being a great dinner buddy, or simply being kind.  I'm not an expert at active duty, and I for sure don't claim to be, though wish I were a bit better for different reasons.  Nevertheless, I learn where I can, I get refreshers when needed, and I offer what I can.

The family side is much harder for me.  Learning that a phone call is a luxury and a text seems out of the question and learning some days will be filled with absolutely no communication at all.  Being filled with pride and being on the struggle bus.  Making new friends and making things up as you go.  Committing to having some sort of sanity and committing to make it through together.  All these things are part of the deal.

I continue to glean and try to understand the sacrifice one makes when serving our country.  And it's no joke when you hear that the family also serves -- I live it out now and talk to others on either side.  I truly believe service members are incredibly strong and sacrificial, and yet, family members are even more so, in some cases.

Since I have decided to join my life with an active duty military member, mostly I am thankful that I'm just coming in on the tail end and don't have to endure too many more years.  Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if I had been introduced at the beginning and had gone through all of the waves of change and unknowns with him.  Some days I am thankful we don't have a pet because it would be hard to take care of, but then again, I wish I had a companion.  Most days I'm thankful I don't have a kid yet, but there are times I wish had someone around to distract me.  Still not sure how some manage having a pet, a child, both, or multiples of each with the schedule we have!  May the Lord bless them.

Living with a heavy workload, enjoying the camaraderie, being thankful for quickly forged friendships, going through the act of arranging schedules to see the people you love, enduring the disappointment when one can't make that happen, seeing the support from communities and individuals, congratulating marriages that stand the test, praising and molding great leaders, respecting the President and Chain of Command, and enjoying relationships with others in this unique life are all part of it.  I think it's okay to acknowledge the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly as well as the fact that we as military members, and family members alike, persevere, sacrifice, and grow.

I've been given the privilege to see those three characteristics and many more displayed.  Listening to family members tell me some of their struggles as well as ways they have overcome various obstacles is a beautiful thing.  Having the courage to come ask for help, giving of their time to volunteer for an event, juggling home life and personal life, rallying for support whenever necessary, being honest and knowing they're not alone, using their time and talent to arrange an event, spending time with the Unit, and more are frequently seen and it is a wonderful wonder.

My guy has been gracious and has shown me and told me a plethora of information on this life, which is not unlike many others.  I can't begin to explain all that I have learned, and I know there is more to go.

Even today opened my eyes to another layer!  I'm in on a conversation with some guys and the convo changed...  One just divorced and the other has been married 5 years but has only lived with his wife for about one and a half of those years.  Long story for each but they love what they're doing and are torn because it has already or could tear their marriage.  They know it's tough, yet they haven't been (and won't ever be!) on the other side.  Not me.  I'm in the position of experiencing both those sides and hope to use that to help others.

Not that I'm going to solve the world's problems of any kind, by any means, but, in their cases, I think they needed some Joyce Meyer in their life!  She was pretty spot-on when she said that a lot of problems could be avoided if a man would say "I love you" everyday, in addition to "you're beautiful" and "you're the most important person to me" 3-4 times a week each to their wife.  Honestly, I think a lot of problems can be solved by the above but also realizing that most women want 3 things from a guy: 1) time, 2) attention, and 3) love.  That will look different for each couple, of course, but one or a combo should exist.  For example, my guy took time to buy me a card, a rose, and chocolates for Valentine's Day.  He also took time and gave me attention by texting and calling to talk to me on the day.  He showed me love in the way I receive it -- time and words.  He did so good!!  Now, I was 100 times more excited to give HIM a card and gift than he was to me but that's another story ;) 

I kept running into the younger guy (a good God-thing to me!), and actually got to have a nice chat with him.  He said he and his wife have what works for them -- calls, Skype, visits when possible, etc.  Still, I feel for his wife because we're in the same civilian boat.  And it's not fun.  I tried to lend another perspective.  Hopefully more good things like this will come!

In the end, I have definitely struggled more on the family member side for several reasons outside my control and I don't say this for pity's sake but to encourage those true family members who have to be a single parent, go days or months or years without their loved one, simply not understand what's going on, receive minimal communication, or not know if their loved one will come home at a decent hour, for a visit, or at all.  To you I say, you can do it; make sure your foundation is strong in faith. I will also lovingly tell military members that their job can be hard and difficulties will come, so I hope their foundation is strong in faith, too. Furthermore, I want to remind them, so they know without a doubt, that their family loves and needs them, wouldn't mind a message ever so often to say "I love you," wants them to succeed, is proud of them, sees and understands their sacrifice as best they can, and cherishes that they're in their life.


Saturday, February 2, 2019

Self-Talk

I know I'm a strong person, among many other qualities and characteristics.  Yet, sometimes I don't believe it and I definitely don't say it.  I don't believe it because I just unconsciously don't; deep down I know it's true but also insist I don't need a reminder.  I don't say "I am strong" or "I am beautiful" or "I am _____" because it would be a little weird to me to say those things and, I suppose, I rely on other people to tell me.

The reality is that I may or may not be those things but I sure need to hear them.  The reality is that if I don't say it, it may not be said at all.  The reality is that I do need to say positive things because they are true and I do need a reminder to believe it.  The reality is that God has already said a lot of the things I am referring to.

Unlike some, I do think words are powerful, and, unlike many, I know that I am very much a words person.  I can clinge to positive or negative words, and when I clinge too much to the negative it is not pretty.

Lately, I have been thinking about self-talk because I've heard that a person can be very influential or, rather, the most influential to one's own self.  Yes, you, can be the most influential to yourself.

I concluded my mind and thoughts can tell me lies or tell me truths.

So, I decided to tell myself truths ...while I look at myself in the mirror.  It sounds a little odd and it felt that way the first few times but now I like it and I think good is coming from it.  I chose to tell myself truths out loud, for starters.  I think that in and of itself can be very beneficial.  I went a step further to look at myself in the mirror for direct eye contact and to truly look at myself and speak the truth.

I refrain from saying things like "I will win the lottery" or other such nonsense that won't happen.  I actually just say things like:
I am loved
I am beautiful
I am funny
I am smart
I am confident
I am the righteousness of God
I am loving
I am patient
I am forgiven
I have self-control
Etc
I've noticed I'm drawn to the fruit of the Spirit and I think that's great.  Since I have the Spirit of God in me, I know what I'm saying is true.

I think saying things out loud not only helps me to believe them (for example, the "I am beautiful" or "I am loved") but, in hearing them boldly stated, it makes me want to actually be those things or be cultivating them more (for example, the "I am patient" or "I am strong" which is not a physical strength but a strength from God to endure circumstances and have the right attitude).

I wish other people would say these things to me  but sometimes they don't.  For example, I had to point out that my boss does not say many good things (praises), which actually led to attempts to give positive feedback.  However, it is visibly challenging for this person and seems to almost not want to come out, haha!  All I'm saying is that I can't rely on other people to give me what I want or think I need.  I heard a quote along the lines of, if you are messed up on the inside there's nothing anyone can ever say or do to fix you, and you will just drive them crazy.  I am messed up on the inside and, ultimately, the true fix of myself only comes from Jesus.

I don't think I'll do this mirror regimen forever but I've challenged myself to extend from roughly a week through the month of February.  The most startling thing so far is seeing how much my negative thoughts have brought me down and how many lies I have believed.  Once, I said a truth and started crying because I realized in that moment I hadn't heard those words in a long time, and I was believing the opposite, which was happening partially due to believing a lie and also partially because I hadn't heard the truth in awhile.

It's kind of crazy to think that saying something so simple out loud (only about 3 words at a time!) and literally to myself can be so freeing and good for the heart and soul.

I listened to the radio today and Lauren Daigle's hit song "You Say" came on.  It was very fitting.

"I keep fighting voices in my head that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I'm strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe"

I choose to believe the truth, what God says of me.