I have two different perspectives: family and service member. Lately, I've been on the member side and have been influenced by several outstanding people -- whether having a good conversation, helping get my gear, offering expertise, making me laughing, being a great dinner buddy, or simply being kind. I'm not an expert at active duty, and I for sure don't claim to be, though wish I were a bit better for different reasons. Nevertheless, I learn where I can, I get refreshers when needed, and I offer what I can.
The family side is much harder for me. Learning that a phone call is a luxury and a text seems out of the question and learning some days will be filled with absolutely no communication at all. Being filled with pride and being on the struggle bus. Making new friends and making things up as you go. Committing to having some sort of sanity and committing to make it through together. All these things are part of the deal.
I continue to glean and try to understand the sacrifice one makes when serving our country. And it's no joke when you hear that the family also serves -- I live it out now and talk to others on either side. I truly believe service members are incredibly strong and sacrificial, and yet, family members are even more so, in some cases.
Since I have decided to join my life with an active duty military member, mostly I am thankful that I'm just coming in on the tail end and don't have to endure too many more years. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if I had been introduced at the beginning and had gone through all of the waves of change and unknowns with him. Some days I am thankful we don't have a pet because it would be hard to take care of, but then again, I wish I had a companion. Most days I'm thankful I don't have a kid yet, but there are times I wish had someone around to distract me. Still not sure how some manage having a pet, a child, both, or multiples of each with the schedule we have! May the Lord bless them.
Living with a heavy workload, enjoying the camaraderie, being thankful for quickly forged friendships, going through the act of arranging schedules to see the people you love, enduring the disappointment when one can't make that happen, seeing the support from communities and individuals, congratulating marriages that stand the test, praising and molding great leaders, respecting the President and Chain of Command, and enjoying relationships with others in this unique life are all part of it. I think it's okay to acknowledge the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly as well as the fact that we as military members, and family members alike, persevere, sacrifice, and grow.
I've been given the privilege to see those three characteristics and many more displayed. Listening to family members tell me some of their struggles as well as ways they have overcome various obstacles is a beautiful thing. Having the courage to come ask for help, giving of their time to volunteer for an event, juggling home life and personal life, rallying for support whenever necessary, being honest and knowing they're not alone, using their time and talent to arrange an event, spending time with the Unit, and more are frequently seen and it is a wonderful wonder.
My guy has been gracious and has shown me and told me a plethora of information on this life, which is not unlike many others. I can't begin to explain all that I have learned, and I know there is more to go.
Even today opened my eyes to another layer! I'm in on a conversation with some guys and the convo changed... One just divorced and the other has been married 5 years but has only lived with his wife for about one and a half of those years. Long story for each but they love what they're doing and are torn because it has already or could tear their marriage. They know it's tough, yet they haven't been (and won't ever be!) on the other side. Not me. I'm in the position of experiencing both those sides and hope to use that to help others.
Not that I'm going to solve the world's problems of any kind, by any means, but, in their cases, I think they needed some Joyce Meyer in their life! She was pretty spot-on when she said that a lot of problems could be avoided if a man would say "I love you" everyday, in addition to "you're beautiful" and "you're the most important person to me" 3-4 times a week each to their wife. Honestly, I think a lot of problems can be solved by the above but also realizing that most women want 3 things from a guy: 1) time, 2) attention, and 3) love. That will look different for each couple, of course, but one or a combo should exist. For example, my guy took time to buy me a card, a rose, and chocolates for Valentine's Day. He also took time and gave me attention by texting and calling to talk to me on the day. He showed me love in the way I receive it -- time and words. He did so good!! Now, I was 100 times more excited to give HIM a card and gift than he was to me but that's another story ;)
I kept running into the younger guy (a good God-thing to me!), and actually got to have a nice chat with him. He said he and his wife have what works for them -- calls, Skype, visits when possible, etc. Still, I feel for his wife because we're in the same civilian boat. And it's not fun. I tried to lend another perspective. Hopefully more good things like this will come!
In the end, I have definitely struggled more on the family member side for several reasons outside my control and I don't say this for pity's sake but to encourage those true family members who have to be a single parent, go days or months or years without their loved one, simply not understand what's going on, receive minimal communication, or not know if their loved one will come home at a decent hour, for a visit, or at all. To you I say, you can do it; make sure your foundation is strong in faith. I will also lovingly tell military members that their job can be hard and difficulties will come, so I hope their foundation is strong in faith, too. Furthermore, I want to remind them, so they know without a doubt, that their family loves and needs them, wouldn't mind a message ever so often to say "I love you," wants them to succeed, is proud of them, sees and understands their sacrifice as best they can, and cherishes that they're in their life.
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