Saturday, June 30, 2018

Press Fast Forward

Surely there's been a time in life when you wished there was a fast forward button.  You wanted a way to get past things usually because they were unpleasant, taking too long for your timeline or agenda, things would be better after it was over, or the like.  There have been plenty of these times for me, and I most definitely would have pushed the button!  Sometimes multiple times so it goes super fast.  You know what I'm talking about. 

In the end, I'm glad such a button doesn't exist.  I mean, what if I didn't hit play at the right time?!  Because we've all done that with the remote!  And we all know a life rewind button doesn't exist.  But seriously, think of all the lessons, talks, relationships, thoughts, prayers, learning, and so on, we would miss. 

I'm currently searching for the nonexistent fast forward button in the hopes I'll be less stressed, I'll see where life is going, and I'll be relieved it all does work out [how I hope it does].  And that's just it.  I feel like I don't have control of all of life's things at this moment (as if I ever do) and I'm stressin' out.  Bottom line, I'm not trusting God.  It's hard to swallow ...I'm trying to say yes to my God-given lesson and work through it as well as trust He will see everything to it's finish. 

As if a situation weren't bad enough, I also feel as though I want to push a fast forward button on my boyfriend.  I suppose I think it would be easier if we sped up so that I would currently be with the version of him in, say, 10 years.  We will have known each other longer and thus we hopefully wouldn't disagree as much or we would at least know what the other would say/do/prefer etc. more often to avoid conflict and simply just enjoy more moments together.  Side note: we are truly very happy together and do not always have disagreements or conflicts and, when we do, we work through them.  Now then, I know conflict is inevitable since we are two different people, for which I don't need to go into more examples.  The sheer fact that I'm a woman and he is a man should suffice by leaps and bounds.  

Yet, by pushing him to this future self now (maybe that version will exist...? ...but I'm going to go with it not since I've concocted that version in my head and God knows better how He will actually mold and change him), I'm getting nowhere really.  It's like I'm pushing him to be at 75mph when he is at 25mph.  He doesn't want to speed up every time, but in some ways and instances he does speed up.  In others, I'm holding out that it's possible when he's ready.  However, I can also see my 75mph slowing a bit to more match his speed.  

Will we ever match?  I don't know but maybe that's the point, too.  Don't give up on the other racer(s) but do enjoy the ride wherever you are in it. 

I do know I'm most definitely missing out on the version of him with me today as well as the joy, love, learning, and more that is happening now.  So, I'm going to pray and read  my Bible and/or devotional, which had a timely verse today:
"I am leaving you with a gift – – peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don't be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27 NLT

And I'll also be taking a chill pill while  not searching for that button anymore!


Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Side By Side

"Every day is special when we are side by side."

These sweet words grace a card given to me by my boyfriend on Valentine's Day, yet it wasn't until this last week and, in particular, the last two days until they really wrung true for me.

Truthfully, every day can't be special in a super romantic kind of way but every day is truly a gift.  And each day right now can be touched with my boyfriend's presence along with his God-given personality, qualities, characteristics, and love.  For all this, I am grateful.

I traveled to see his family this past week and gained new insights and understanding.  It was actually quite fun to visit the place he called home growing up and meet many family members and some friends who love him and want the best for him.  We were able to do a lot just the two of us, such as hiking, beach time, and sightseeing, which were all very nice, and do things with others as well, like a demolition derby, Six Flags, and beach time. We also were able to witness his half-sister's lovely wedding and wish the happy couple well for the next chapter in life. 

Experiencing all this opened up the canvas of his life to me and helped me see things better and understand things more fully.  There were even moments when I saw pure love in his eyes for me.  I love moments like those and look forward to more.

So, yes, those words in the card came alive in those moments but also the last two days when we were trying to get home.  We flew standby, so did not have a guaranteed seat, and the flights were horrific.  We got as far as Chicago and had to break down and buy tickets to finish the journey.  After spending literally 48 hours in airports, planes, and buses (but more so in airports) and getting only about five hours of sleep, we are still together.  If that's not a relationship victory, I don't know what is!  We were in good spirits the whole time, I felt.  I mean, we each had our slip up moments of exhaustion, bad attitude, or just generally being over it but they didn't last long.  We got each other to laugh (he definitely made me laugh more), we let the other take a nap (he slept more), we talked (pretty even on this one), we made sure the other wasn't hungry or thirsty (I'm always hungry), we watched a movie together (I cried a second time seeing I can only imagine), we got each other's bags (he is so chivalrous and got mine a lot), he patiently waited for me at the bathroom (I have to go way too often -- well hydrated, ha!), and so on. 

He was a trooper.  It was the absolute worst standby experience I've ever had.  Having not flown standby very much at all and having gone through all that with a stellar attitude and frame of mind, not to mention holding my hand, letting me love on him in public, and staying with me, gives him superstar status!  

It was a bad ordeal and would have been a zillion times worse without him.  I'm so glad he was and is by my side, that IS special.