As I'm processing something someone did to me and as well as something I did to someone else, I began thinking of my biggest pet peeve.
Some seemingly minute pet peeves of mine include cussing, bad grammar, nail biting, knuckle cracking, and smacking. You know, they're like fingers on a chalkboard. However, the one that takes the cake is bad communication.
I'm not alone. Communication is a big pillar in life in order to be a functioning member of society with people who still want to be around you, so bad communication is a big problem. Communication is key in life and for life.
Communication is even a college degree! I remember taking a couple communication classes in college and thinking, "This is cool and important. I wish I could take more classes on the subject." It wasn't my major so I knew I wouldn't. However, I'm always learning. Just because I'm not in a formal classroom doesn't mean I'm not trying to communicate and understand people who aren't like me or don't think like me nor am I restrained from, say, picking up a book to read for self-development about how to communicate better. So, even though I will never be a perfect communicator or an expert on the subject, I will not stop trying.
So much hinges on communication that I can't afford to not try. I mean, you can't read my mind! If I want to tell someone something, I need to say it. Albeit, I'd like to make my mind known in a loving way, no matter the topic. If I want to have good friends, people to do stuff with, or family to support me, I have to talk. Though, the street goes both ways.
Now, even though I tend to hold people to a high standard (which is another obstacle I am processing through), I do believe there is a level of timely communication that everyone should meet. If someone calls you, call them back. If someone texts you, text them back. If someone emails you, email them back. Etc. ad nauseum. For me, I tend to do it right then so I don't forget after getting swept back up into what I'm doing. I might even say, "Let me get back to you!" -- and actually do it in a timely manner (yep, phone reminders are awesome) or "Can you please remind me about that later?" Honestly, I find getting back to someone to be common courtesy and simple. Yes, it takes effort but it's worth it.
I also find it highly frustrating when someone does not communicate. It's rude, thoughtless and/or immature. Ain't nobody got time for that! I think of the golden rule to treat others how you want to be treated -- I know I would not like to be ignored or brushed off or forgotten so I try hard not to do that to others. I know things happen and we're all flawed people, so when it happens, I try to be understanding and forgiving. However, if it's a pattern or the person doesn't even say anything about not being able to get back to me, I'm not afraid to 1) say something and 2) say adios or take some space. Sure, I'll still be friendly but I'm not going to care more about or put more effort into the relationship than the other person. That's not sustainable or right.
It doesn't matter the relationship, romantic or otherwise. Now, I have been that poor unfortunate soul who has been ghosted in a romantic sense, which is another story, but ghosting can happen in any setting and it does fall into the rude and immature category for sure. Calling it "being ghosted" is a new term I learned but an old concept. To sum it up, it's when someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore but can't just say it nor can they convey that in another way, so they just fall off the face of the earth. And the bridge is burned. There have been cases in my life where it's been rebuilt but it takes time and, even then, I'm cautious.
So, as you can see, I'm more of an honest person and would rather be hurt upfront but have a clear end. Thankfully, I've been told I'm tactful so, surely if I have to tell some thing to someone, it will go well. Anyway, here's a hilarious article on being "ghosted":
http://www.bustle.com/
If you can't tell someone something, big or small, without getting your feelings hurt or fearing that you will hurt their's or without getting upset about it, you're in for a world of hurt.
It's going to be hard because we live in a fallen world and people are going to hurt you. I know I can only control my own reaction. Process those emotions, get a game plan of what to say or do, and do it.
Over the years, I've definitely learned that people will disappoint me and that I should have a game plan. I am always learning about myself and about others; how to communicate better; how to get over the fear of being awkward; how to gracefully, tactfully, and lovingly say what I need to; how to understand where the other person is coming from; how to take someone's rebuff, etc.
Perfect example: A dear friend sat me down one day and told me that I was hurting her by being late to our outings. She knew I wasn't doing it on purpose but it was happening again and again. I cried. I could see the hurt in her eyes and hear it in her voice, and I truly didn't want that and that I was sorry. It was hard to digest but I am truly very grateful she loved me and our friendship enough to tell me. I believe she was the one who pinpointed the fact that I overschedule myself, so I decided to work on it. Though I love to do fun things with friends, I try to say yes to only one (maybe two things) in an evening, even if other fun things come up, so that I can be on time, fully enjoy whom I'm with and what I'm doing, and be consistent.
I took all of what she said and feel that I've changed positively over time. Maybe it won't always work just like that... maybe it's taking things with a grain of salt or digesting 25% of what's said and disregarding the rest, but I know without a doubt that I can't fix something I don't know about. And if I don't know about something maybe I'm not evaluating my thoughts and actions often enough or well enough. Also, maybe someone isn't loving me enough to communicate.
I can't make anyone talk to me if they don't want to. I can't always know the reason for people's words or actions. I can only take care of myself and come to peace with the above two facts, which is sometimes easier said than done. Nonetheless, I'll still continue to try and love others as God loves us and to try to live my best life for Him.
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