Just Words

Once you say it, you can't take it back.  Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it at all (or say it online, these days).  If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself.

Phrases like this are actually very truthful.  It's been interesting to think back to different phrases that I've heard like the ones above or even some like "you talk too much" or "you're quiet" -- as in you need to zip it sometimes and you don't talk enough, respectively -- are actually pretty enlightening.  To one extent or the other, I think all these phrases allude to the fact that words have power. 

We all speak or write words, so we all have power.  How are you using yours? 

I think you can either use that power to uplift or to tear down.  I also strongly believe that the words that come out of your mouth really come from your heart.  I just thought of one of my favorite verses in Psalm 19 which says, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer."

So, they're not just words. 

Want to know what's in someone's heart?  Sure, watch what they do but definitely listen to what they say, how they say it, and what they talk about in conversation.  Listen to their words.  What people think, what's in/on their mind, and what they meditate on in their heart will come out of their mouth.  Chew on that.

Beyond that, words have actions of their own but then they also can spark action.  No wonder the Bible warns, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it"!

Everything you do, flows through your heart.  I'm no Bible scholar but I think "do" here encompasses everything possible, so words are included.  Definitely chew on that.

Those actions, or words, can't be taken back.  And definitely can hurt.  However, there is a remedy called asking for forgiveness.  It doesn't matter if you're asking God for forgiveness or someone else for forgiveness.  A sincere "I'm sorry" can go a long way.  It can most definitely mend strained relationships. That is amazing when you really think about it!  It's two words, just two words!!  Those two simple words can help melt away so much.  And still, those two simple words can be very hard for some to say.

Relationships are built on a lot of things, one being words.  If you don't talk and communicate, you're not going to have a very good relationship.  If you don't ask for forgiveness and/or accept it, you're not going to have a very good relationship.  It's beyond unfortunate relationships die because of the lack of an apology -- that's a shame but also truth.

I think everyone has their standard of sorry/repentance, but for me, you don't have to grovel or anything.  I only expect a simple and sincere sorry and then for them to do better or be better in the future.  Similar to what my high school teacher used to say, "Don't be sorry, just be better!"

I get not saying something if it's not going to be nice, whether in person or online.  For example, in the heat of the moment, you might want an apology, you might want to say a lot of nasty things, you might want the other person to know you're hurt or offended, you might want to stand up for yourself or your opinion, ect. ...you might actually need to Shut. Your. Mouth. 

I am truly horrible at this.  Though, somehow, I feel I'm pretty decent at not saying something too mean.  The thing that really gets me is when you're trying to have an actual, normal conversation and get nothing.  Like radio silence.

Not saying a word is a response.  It is more often than not conjured up to be negative in the other's mind, from what I have gathered myself.  So, you are sending a message if you purposely choose not to say anything.  Whoever says differently is a liar or kidding themselves. 

I've noticed the less someone responds (i.e. doesn't give me words), the less I want to talk.  It's more out of hurt and immaturity and somehow like I'm getting revenge.  Over time though, I'd rather punch their face.  That seems normal, right?  Well, the wanting to talk less part. Ha!  If the other person is not responding, why would I talk?  It's like I'm having a conversation with the wall, if in person, and like the iCloud, if via text.  Sometimes I have to force myself to talk and not get offended when I don't get anything back to stuff I say.  This is hard and I don't like it.  Why can't everyone talk like I want them to talk and carry a conversation??

Then there is the opposite, when someone talks too much to me.  I usually get annoyed when it's just about something I've listened to enough already (like we're 15 minutes deep and I'm starting not to care) or it's something I already know, which tends to happen at work.  I start giving subtle hints that I don't want to talk.  I also want to punch their face.

No physical harm has ever been done, just FYI.

Okay, moving on.  Not saying something to yourself if you wouldn't say it to a friend... Yikes!  I definitely need to clean up my self-talk!

Negative self-talk can be very destructive, while positive self-talk can be very healing, even protective.  Negativity may spread like wildfire and positivity like harden putty, but being positive is crucial.  It doesn't have to be a lot, either.  Just being thankful for one thing a day is a start.

Heck, are negative talk can be destructive.  Personally, I don't like complainers and I have to confess that I have unfortunately fallen into that hole.  I complain about work (amongst other things) and, shocker, it doesn't make it better.  It just makes me angry and riled up.  I'm convicted by the power words have, by the environment I'm creating (which isn't a good one), and by a verse telling us to refrain from all grumbling and complaining -- "Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I [Paul] may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain."

Clearly, there are many, many verses in the Bible about one's words.  There are also many on the mouth and tongue, from which words obviously come out.  I haven't gotten to those yet ;)

My quick study on "words" has cemented in my brain that words are not "just" words but have meaning,  power, and more, and shouldn't be taken lightly.