I Don't Want to Date [You]

What is it with single people these days?!  I mean, they only want to get to know you because they’re looking for someone to date, right?

I know I’ve bought into this lie and I’m not the only one.  I want it to stop.

It almost feels like I can’t do something nice for a guy for fear that he’ll think I’m flirting or, reverse it, in that, if a guy did something nice for me, I might start over-thinking motive… does he like me?  does he do that with every girl or just me?  did he invite a lot of people or just me?  Ugh, it’s exhausting! :P

Like I said, I’m guilty of the above thinking and I don’t like it.  I’m trying my best to break the craziness.

A month or so ago, I gave a guy a card to encourage him since he’d just lost a loved one.  

Just last week, I was invited by a guy to go on a walk to discuss the sermon we’d heard.  

Last month, I had the best time catching up with a good guy friend before he moved.  

And guess what??  In all these situations, there was nothing romantic involved!!

I like to do a lot of different things, I like to ask a lot of questions, and I like to get to know other people.  I like to find people to do activities with, whether it’s for fro yo outings, playing soccer, dancing the night away, or going for a run.  Then there's asking questions, which enables the other person to answer in their own words and explain as much as they want, while allowing me time to listen in order to absorb it all and make me think more about where I stand on something they say.  It’s a way to understand a subject that boggles my mind, such as engineering, being a musician, or the latest hot topics in society.  Questions also lend a way to get to know someone because they will hopefully just be a launching point for good conversation or even highlight something to be praying for them about or encourage them to do.  In the end, I can’t possible know stuff about everything, so having an array of friends with different passions, interests, gifts, etc. is awesome! :)

Now then, even though I’m in the young, professional stage of life and it seems to be the time to date and/or get married, I’m realizing that

1) it doesn’t have to be

2) everyone is not out to just date you

3) I want and need friends who are guys

4) single guys and girls can truly just be friends

5) I need a new perspective

That new perspective is that everyone needs Jesus.  It’s brilliant.  Because it’s very true.

Not long ago, I asked myself, “what if when I met/saw/got to know a guy, I saw them not as a potential date but as someone who needed Christ?” or  As my friend pointed out, “what if we let being friends with the opposite sex help us become the person we want to be when we do date/marry?” We’re not going to miraculously be this amazing boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse by not doing some hard work as a single.  Hmm.  Cue a small dagger to the heart with a little twist.

Next was “So, what if I actually acted on the truth that everyone, believer or non-believer, needed Christ?”  Well, even though this mentality can be applied to all people, this post is more about dating and the opposite sex, so in that vein, I wouldn’t be overthinking things but enjoying the person, the event with them, etc. nor would I be second-guessing my motive(s) because it would ultimately be to share Christ and the gospel, not to manipulate the situation or person, for instance.  So much better.  

I can’t control how others perceive what I say or do but I can control my own thinking and motive.  Something that makes that easier is when the guy makes his intentions known.  There’s no guess work!  Yay!  However, with my luck, the guy either hasn’t even thought of me in the “more than friends” sense or shows just flat-out disinterest.  That makes things easier, too, haha! ;) 

Seriously though, by God’s grace, I want to be truly friends with guys and not look for a potential date or what I can gain from them but instead learn from them and reflect Christ and bring them closer to Him.  Hopefully others will join me in the endeavor!

And yes, I believe being friends and seeing what happens next is a great way to go