Assurance

Have you ever taken the love languages quiz or read the book?  I've taken it several times and get the same thing each time.  I'm not surprised and find stuff like that helpful in understanding yourself and others, if they participate.

My greatest ones are words [of affirmation] and quality time.  In case you don't know, the remaining ones are gifts, physical touch, and acts of service.  I have a bit of all, like most, but definitely have my top ones that make me feel loved, important, cared for, special, etc.

My Mom and I were talking one day about how I had received affirmations in different ways all growing up.  Grades were a big one and a long-standing one at that.  Good grades told me I was a good student.   Others would be being told I was a good at sports, a good kid from other parents, the great server, a good worker, a good runner, and a good RA.

Nowadays, I don't have such a direct and consistent way to be told I'm doing a job well done, except by maybe my parents and work reviews at a yearly evaluation.

Maybe that is a natural progression but it stinks.  I see the lack of positive affirmations in all areas of life taking its toll.  It is unfortunately compounded  when being bombarded with feelings of the opposite -- feeling I'm not measuring up or feeling I'm not getting any positive responses at all. 

Sometimes I don't understand why I need assurance and wish I didn't. 

I think the boost, as I call it, eases some anxiety that I'm not doing a good job. It's feedback, whether positive (boost) or negative (something to work on). I don't know if I've ever been in the middle, really, so  wouldn't know what to do with that.  Much less how to get there.

Truly, I believe I swing between the positive and negative poles.  I want to be in the positive because it's positive (duh) and my language but don't receive constistent praise.  I try to give it but that doesn't seem to help.  I go to the negative then because what's left? and there is always room for improvement in my world.

It's not an awesome way to live, flipping between the two.  Who wants to constantly be working on everything that is presumed to be wrong or who wants to be frustrated by not receiving some needed praise?  Both are kinda depressing.

All I've got now to try to break the bad cycle is to give myself God's affirmations of who I am, per advice, and what popped into my head, called contentment.  Here's to cultivating that!  Suggestions appreciated.