Jordan

My grandparents had just finished speaking.  It was my turn.

The podium loomed in front of me.  I was a junior in high school with maybe one speech under my belt.

My eyes were damp and brimming with tears.  The bright spotlight meant to highlight my small frame only hurt my eyes. 

I was all alone.  I smoothed my paper, took a breath, and began:

“My life and all our lives will be forever changed by Jordan whether we’re family, a friend or co-worker.

I never knew Jordan when he wasn’t sick because he was five years old when I was born.  I was the little baby sister he prayed for every night after Jacob was born (not that he minded Jacob but he really wanted a sister). 

He got his wish and here’s what I’ll miss the most…

-       him calling me squirt

-       knuckle-cracking (yeah, right) but thank goodness he quit pinching

-       his perpetual asking for someone to scratch his back

-       hugs and kisses before I go to bed or when he came home for a visit

-       telling me how proud he was of me about anything – school grades or soccer

-       how pretty I am or “you look good in that”

-       him being a protective big brother wanting to know what’s going on in my life

-       his joyfulness, corny jokes, big smile, and walking (that I called waddling)

-       his servant’s heart, so willing to help others whenever and however

-       his love for life, not matter what happen to come his way

We’ll all miss him so much but I’m so very thankful he was with us even for a short time.  I’m thankful that…

-       he was the best big brother and God gave him to me

-       we were able to go on family vacations every year to add to our memories

-       he now has a new body and can do anything he was once hindered to do on earth, such as playing baseball, which he thought he was so good at but no

-       he loved God first and was a blessing to many people, no matter the age

I love you, Jordan.  Jesus, please give him a big hug and kiss, just like he gave us.”

This is the exact speech I gave at my oldest brother’s funeral 10 years ago today.  I’ve only read it three times since giving it.  Once when my Dad ran across it while looking for something and then emailed it to me so I could save it on my personal computer.  The second time was because I ran across it while searching for something else, while the third time was now since I thought about including it in this post.

I have a lot of memories, both good and bad, sketched deeply into my mind.  Some are of the hours before and after Jordan died, of which I’ve told no one about.  They’re like precious treasures in my heart that I don’t think I’ll ever share with anyone else.  However, letting people in on the speech I presented is slightly different, yet it is no less sketched into my mind.  I mean, I even know when people laughed [at appropriate times :)] when I gave it, strangely making me feel more at ease.  I suppose the difference lies in that I’ve said the speech before, so it’s no secret. 

What’s also no secret is the fact that I’ve dealt with my brother’s death, both personally and with my family, so I don’t mind talking about him at all!  In my opinion, it’s an opportunity to deepen a relationship with someone by sharing something so personal and/or it’s an opportunity to bring glory to God.

People can relate to suffering.  They can also sometimes relate to a loved one dying.  For instance, while on a mission trip, I think it’s no coincidence that a friend, who had lost his mom, and I were the only team members who had lost a loved one and were speaking to a girl who had lost her grandfather.  We could relate to her and shared how we worked though the questions and pain of them dying with God. 

I tell people parts of Jordan’s story and don’t leave out the fact that God did some miraculous things in and through him, despite him only living 21 years.  Yes, Jordan had his struggles, but he didn’t feel short-changed.  He knew that the punishment for his sin was death but that Christ had saved him from his sin through His work on the cross, so that, when he left earth, he would be alive with God in heaven.  What a better life he is living now! 

So, today is not very sad because 1) I have friends and things to do to deviate my thoughts, 2) enough time has passed since Jordan’s death, and 3) the most important truth is that my family and I will see him again when it’s our turn to depart from this miserable earth for God’s glorious presence!