Choices, Choices

My phone was out of commission for a couple of days.  The worst part was not having a GPS.  Oh, the days of being lost came flooding back!!  I hate that feeling. 

The other thing I noticed about not having my phone was the fact that it is the main way I keep up with my friends and family.  We call each other and talk on the phone, and I love it.

When my phone was working again, I called some of my super awesome and super sweet friends, with whom catch ups were way overdue.  Great conversations were had :) with some much needed words of wisdom.  God knows who you need in your life and/or who needs to speak into your life at the right time. 

When my phone charged up, the text messages came in mass!  Among them was an unexpected one.  It through me off and brought back some emotions that I thought I had dealt with.  Oh, how we kid ourselves sometimes!  The good news is that that text helped me realize that I hadn’t dealt with the problem completely, while also allowing me the opportunity to address the problem with the person in order to heal from hurt feelings and to not be mad or bitter any longer.

Back to those words of wisdom from friends at just the right time…  I hadn’t said a word about the text to my friend but somehow we got on the subject of how people are different from us.  We shared a few stories and situations in which we were puzzled as to why someone would do or say something in the manner that they did.  In other words, it’s mind-boggling when someone doesn’t do something the way you do it or the way you think it should be done.  I just have to laugh and cringe because it’s so true.

My friend stated a simple truth in a way that I hadn’t ever thought.  She said it was the differences between people that help us grow.  If we were always around someone like ourselves, there would be no need to try to understand someone else’s perspective or there may never be challenges or opportunities to grow in our own qualities and characteristics, such as providing constructive criticism, effectively  communicating, learning new ways to accomplish a goal, and so on.  Like I said, I hadn’t thought of using differences as a way to grow, to be stretch, and to become stronger.  I thought of them more as annoyances, problems that probably would never go away, and mind-boggling situations.  I like to see the positive in all things, so I’m going to try to adopt this mindset when differences arise because I think it can apply to all sorts of differences whether in words, actions, deeds, etc. and to all sorts of relationships, whether parent-child, friends, significant other, etc.

Now then, in this instance, my friend was talking about how different men and women operate and think because she is newly married and has now seen first-hand and lives daily with these types of differences.  Now even though I’m not married, I definitely know that men and women think and operate differently!  I found it ironic she had said all that about gender differences because the unexpected text I received was from a guy. 

As you can imagine, that guy and I do not see things the same way, we do not think in the same way, and we do not operate in the same way.  I could talk about our differences and talk about the sometimes eye-bugging things that have gone down since I’ve known the guy, but I’m not.  He knows.  Maybe not to the extent to which I would like but he knows enough and that will have to be sufficient.

One thing I will say that hurts a lot is the fact that other people told me to drop him like a hot rock a very long time ago.  I chose not to do so for several reasons, some of which stemmed from pride and some from naivety.  Now I’m choosing to not think of it as, “If I had listened to them, how much pain, time, emotion, etc. would I have saved myself and him?” but instead I’m choosing to own up to the fact that I did chose to keep the relationship and to look at it in regards to how much I’ve grown as well as think about all the good things that God has done through this relationship.  It’s hard. 

Still, it’s amazing to see how God uses our choices, whether they were “good” or “bad” decisions, for our good, as believers.  Among the many awesome things we did together as friends, I will never forget that he was there at a time when I needed someone the most.  What is more amazing to me is that he didn’t even know it; he had no idea what was going on and still doesn’t.  I was having one of the worst days of my life two Christmas’ ago with family issues coming at me in turbo mode when he texted me.  He made me laugh and forget some of the pain that was punching me in the face.  He was a friend to me when I had a lot of need for one.

So, yes, I’m going to think of the good, but I am also going to choose to see this as a lesson learned.  Here are a few take-aways:  1) Listen to the advice of family and close friends yet pray for God’s wisdom and guidance  2) Be honest to myself and to others, which may include re-evaluation of situations and relationships and possible confrontation  3) Have healthy boundaries   4) Be sweet but don’t be a doormat, as in don’t allow or tolerate mistreatment  5) Continue to treat others as I would like to be treated  and  6) Look for any deeper issues in my life than what is just present at the surface.

I have worth, dignity, value, and so much more and it comes from Christ.  I will lean on and look to Him.  Furthermore, I will use this experience to avoid repeating history in a bad way for myself, and I will share this experience with others to help them in their lives. 

I will hear from that guy again and it will be better received, since the air has been cleared with sincere words and forgiveness.  I also now have a better idea of what to expect and have those take-aways to put to work.  Honestly, I hope history will repeat itself in a good way… that I would continue to hear from him when he or I need it most.