A friend and I were talking one night, and she mentioned
reading my most recent blog posts. She
complimented me on being so transparent.
I blushed, laughed, and thanked her.
It’s true, though. I
write the truth as it is in my life and as seen in my eyes. I write what’s real and really happening.
1) Who
wants to read someone’s blog that’s not true, especially when it’s about real
life stuff like relationships, joys, struggles, and blessings? Plus, there’s enough rubbish and facades out
there! I don’t want to fall into that…
2) I
wouldn’t write what I wouldn’t say in person.
I very much enjoyed my friend bringing up the post because we had a
GREAT conversation! The blog was just a
jumping off point. Hope this happens
more often, especially because the blogs only say so much. It’s condensed sometimes because I feel that the
“long version” needs to be given in person.
…with my famous voices and facial expressions that make up my “cutely
excited” self, of course! ;)
3) It’s
easy. I can’t exactly explain it. What I write just comes to me, so I write it
down and share it. Plus, I don’t know
who reads my blog besides my Mom and Grandpa, honestly, so I guess it’s easy to
know that no one could possible see my thoughts.
4) However,
I do write and write the truth because I think, “What if just one person reads
my blog and it helps them in some way?” Then it was worth putting out there.
So what does being transparent have to do with this
post? Everything. Glance at that title once more... Now keep reading.
It’s a bit uncanny how many friends have talked to me recently
about relationships. Several have
mentioned a past relationship breaking their heart. That breaks mine. I don’t want to see my friends hurt or
hurting and I most definitely want them to heal.
My own heart is not immune; it’s been hurt as well. So much so that I felt that Taylor Swift’s
“Bad Blood” was written just for me. So
much so that I didn’t know when my heart would mend.
It was the typical head-over-heels kind of thing. “Stupid Jessie” I would think not too long
ago. Can you help whom you fall
for?? Haven’t gotten an answer about
that one… But, yes, I wasted a lot of time, energy, and emotions on this guy. I kept asking God questions like why doesn’t
he like me, why do I like him so much, and why God couldn’t just take the
feelings away.
Well, I’ve stopped asking all of those “why” questions. I got some answers and even wrestled with
them. I went through a good range of emotions
and prayed. Much more could be said and at
least one story of some real anger, but what I’ll say now is that I’m now healthy
and even still friends with that guy (remaining friends was not my plan
originally but God is in control and gives us forgiveness and grace so that we
can extend forgiveness and grace…) Trust
me, I’ve learned a lot, and several things have happened that have been key
factors for me to be okay. Here are the
top three:
Time. This is the most important, even if it is a
cliché. Starting out, there was no way
to know how much time I would need to heal, but now that I’m healthy and a
better person for going through all of this, I’m glad I took time to go to God and ask questions, get answers, and
process everything. It also took
time for me to get out of messed up thinking -- I was questioning people’s
motives for most anything; I noticed I didn’t want to do nice things for people
like making/sending cards; I didn’t think people cared; and I was very guarded,
not wanting to share much about my life or experiences.
Moving. I moved to Texas for a job; it was a
much-needed change. I wasn’t around that
guy for sure and no one knew me so I could be whomever I wanted. Of course, I couldn’t escape my dominant
characteristics and qualities but I did tweak some things.
Dating. At one
point, I remember thinking that just replacing that guy with another guy was
what I needed but really I needed to
replace him with God. I did, though
it’s a process to be sure. I do fail,
yet God’s got me. And honestly, I
wouldn’t have thought in a million years that dating would have helped as much
as it did. I dated a guy for an extended
period of time, and even though it didn’t work out in the end, it was a big
piece of the mending heart puzzle. I let
my guard down a bit to let him in, and it was good.
So, number one word of advice is go to God. He is the only one who could possibly give me
the healing I needed, that you need, and the healing I’ll need in the future
because I know that no person can give me unconditional love and people, no
matter who they are, will disappoint and hurt me. It’s fact. We aren’t God and we are all
fallen people needing to be saved.
Another piece of advice is that time is important. I’m not the only person who’s been hurt nor
will I be the last but taking the time to become healthy again is essential. Among other things, I’ve noticed my wrong
thinking is gone -- I don’t question people’s motives; I’ve started doing nice
things for people again for the right reasons; I think and know people care
about me; and I’m guarded in the sense that I want to be smart about the when
and to whom I open up. Again, I’m not
perfect but learning and definitely leaning on God.
I know people have been hurt by their girlfriend/boyfriend/love/spouse
and it’s truly terrible. There’s no
denying that. However, life doesn’t end
there. Maybe you focused on the other
person instead of God, like me, or maybe you need to take time to completely
heal, like me. I’d encourage you to get
to the root cause of the hurt or anger and do something about it. Someone is missing out on you.
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