It's Not All About You, Jess

"It's not all about you, Jess"

One of my best friends, who I met in England, said the most simple yet quite profound sentence to me one day: it's not all about you, Jess.

Shocking. Mouth open in disbelief. Did that just come out of her mouth? I can't believe that just came out of her mouth!!

Yet, years later, I'm still glad that came out of her mouth. It made me stop and think that day and it still makes me think to this day. What people do, what I do, what others say, and what comes out of my mouth – – all actions and words – – it's not all for me!

Her lovely British accent popped into my head all over again today after dealing with a difficult patient and then recalling a rude nurse from the day before. They don't understand what I'm there to do or they don't understand what I'm capable of, I feel. Maybe I should be a better advocate for my profession by educating on what we are capable as dietitians of doing, yet first, I have to stop before the thoughts get to me and ruin my day and completely stink up my attitude. Is the point of my job to feel value, to feel like I'm being acknowledged? Is my day only "good" when someone actually appreciates the services I bring? No. All no. 

Not that I don't want to feel valued or acknowledged or have a good day or have someone truly appreciate a dietitian's services. It's just when I try to get all those things solely from some other person and not Christ then it's a problem. So, I searched for the reason I feel that way and devise a plan. 

I decided that 1) I will find my worth in Christ, 2) it's not all about me, and 3) I should adjust my perspective and attitude.

Maybe someone just needs someone else to listen to them about whatever. Maybe someone just needs to vent. Maybe someone is sick and tired of being sick and tired and needs a fresh, smiling face. Maybe someone needs a person to push them in the right direction despite their excuses. Maybe someone just needs to laugh.

You know what? I can provide all those things. No strings attached, no expectations of getting anything in return. 

That is definitely something else I have noticed in my life that needs improving: doing something for someone else without expecting anything in return. In a similar vein, I'd like to work on doing or saying something simply to be helpful and loving. 

I think about my time in England, during which I talked to a guy quite often because we were friends, we were both Christians, we were going through similar circumstances, and, in the end, we needed each other. Nothing romantic happened and there were no strings attached. We were simply there for each other. We had both moved to different countries and knew no one; we were struggling. It was incredible to be able to communicate in various ways to encourage and be encouraged, to have a friend while trying to make friends where we were, to know someone else had your same worldview and back, and to see the goodness from that relationship then and now years later. 

I just have no idea what I can do for someone, much less the impact they could have on me! It doesn't matter the length of time I've known them, the distance between us, or the amount of interactions I've had with them. 

I hope to extend helpfulness and true love, to be that smiling face, to provide the positivity someone needs, or to become the necessary net for someone else again. When the focus is off me, these things can be accomplished. 

Another life example is when I was feeling anxious about a relationship because I was putting too much weight on it as well as reeling about the unforeseeable future and the expectations that would probably never be met. Thankfully, my brother graciously admonished and challenged me to just be a friend, to take the pressure off because God's got me and the other person. Once I decided to take his advice and implement it, things made sense and my head was clear. I was able to interact with the guy without any expectations and just enjoy the conversation and the relationship we have. 

The challenge to not have the focus be on me is real and it's hard. It's a lesson that I may have to dig up and dig up and dig up. But it's worth it and