Sleep Naked

Roomies gone?  Check.
Dance party?  Check.
Hmm, what else to do?  See title. ;)

Hurting

I've become way more aware of people's struggles and people who are hurting.  I probably haven't felt this way since losing my brother, Jordan.  I'm just really, really sad, and I look and see hurting people all around me. 

Whether it's hurting in marriage or hurting because of getting out of a marriage or whether it's losing a loved one or the thought of losing a loved one, people are hurting in many ways all the time. 

I think of that quote that basically says you don't know what people are going through so be kind.  It's true.  Unless they open up or something explicit happens for you to know, you would never know.  People can be really good at hiding what's wrong. 

I suppose since I've opened up about my relationship that has ended right now and the hope I still have, others have shared their struggles with me.  It not only helps me know that I'm not alone but it helps me to know how to pray.

As I've been scrolling through pictures and thinking of memories, I pray every day for the man I dated -- for many things but one is for God's will to be done.  Honestly, I used to pray about one thing in particular but, since talking to a friend, I think I can more simply pray "God's will be done" and be confident that God is truly at work to accomplish it in his life.  And mine.  And yours. 

It's hard to lose someone so close to you, someone you love.  It's hard for you to see someone close suffering.  It's hard to feel tortured in your own mind or home or life.

And yet, prayer changes things.  When there's nothing left to do, pray.  Cry out to God, for he hears His children and will answer.  But also, know that He will wipe away every tear and make every wrong right, in His timing. 

I don't have all the answers; I don't have something witty to say.  In fact, I usually I don't know what to say.  For some, I can actually extend a hug. For others, it is all I can do to say that I hurt with them and for them.  And that I'll definitely be praying for them.

I know so many have been praying for me and I can feel it.  I am very grateful.  And I try to do the same for them. 

The Relationship Cake

There once was a baking class, an epic baking class, that a Master Baker offered on an ongoing basis.  He would let you in no matter what!  There weren't any prerequisites or prior baking skills necessary, no certain GPA or test score needed.  People just had to enroll.  So sweetly simple. 

In the class at the same time were two particular young bakers.  They were thrilled to be in the class and to team up for an assignment to create a spectacular cake.  They could've chosen anyone in the class but they chose each other.  The young man was loyal, faithful, protective, a giver, a leader, generous, logical, a hard worker, long-suffering, thoughtful, smart, handsome, honest, and chivalrous among many other qualities and gifts.  The young woman was loyal, faithful, positive, a giver, discerning, generous, logical, a hard worker, encouraging, talkative, caring, smart, honest, pretty, and adventurous among many other qualities and gifts. 

The young woman began by asking other bakers and the Master Baker what they thought.  They approved of the young man.  So, she proceeded... with warning the young man that this cake would take awhile and had specific instructions, a specific recipe.  He said he was all in. 

They began!  They talked a bit about how they wanted the end cake to look like and who's other creations they had seen in the class to possibly try to mimic.  They schemed about what to put in the cake to make it delicious.  They picked out a mixer, measuring cups galore, spatulas, pans a plenty, different flours, all the sugars, eggs, baking powder and soda, and expensive vanilla.  Those were the basics; they were ready to start.  Later, they knew they could request other ingredients or search the classroom, since it offered the most exquisite ones imaginable!  

The days flew.  They were filled with fun.  She sifted flours and asked questions, while he measured and easily placed items in a bowl.  She added things, he added things.  He even teased about putting in crazy foods, so she threw flour at him.  A mini food fight ensued.  

The weeks flew.  They were filled with work.  Fondant was rolled out, sugar creations were painfully crafted, and the timeline was reviewed.  In the kitchen, the young man and woman did not always accept the others ideas or ingredients.  Shocker.  They poked at each other's cake layers, which is necessary to see if it's cooked through but can be exhausting.  However, both added stuff without the other knowing!  So, sometimes they took time to talk and see what the other had in mind, and forgiveness was requested and given.  They got the item out of the batter and started over in love.  They knew the other wasn't perfect but they made a good teammate.  Still, they were smart and asked other bakers for advice in order to make a great cake.  

One day, a layer of cake was about to go in the oven to bake.  The guy wanted it to bake 30 minutes but the gal was sure it would take 40 minutes.  They were at an impasse.  

She simply stated that right now it wasn't the right time.  It was hard to say and hard to swallow.  It was confusing and crushing.  

And that's where the story ends.  The young bakers' cake was not finished.  They didn't blame the other but had to wait.  Each needed to re-evaluate with the Master Baker's recipe.  

Relationships are like cake.  They can be great, even spectacular.  They're fun to make at times, while other times you gotta really focus to put in the seemingly perfect measure. 

Bakers aren't perfect but the Master Baker, Jesus Christ, most certainly is. 

In my dating relationship, what I wanted and what my guy wanted were good; we both wanted a wedding cake in the end.  We both stayed true to ourselves and changed  in many, good ways during our journey together.  We learned a lot and did our best for the other. 

We had fun (hiking, helicopter rides, skiing, etc), we said sweet things (I read my Valentine's Day card basically everyday thereafter), we fought, we cried, we made up, we watched shows, we drove miles and miles, we listened, we cleaned up messes, we said I love you, we laughed, we stared at each other, we made funny noises (okay he did!), we played, we camped, we laughed...

I do not regret anything I said or did or the time we shared.  We let each other into our lives and are better for it.  I will take the blame for taking so long, for struggling.  I wanted it to work; I wanted the cake so bad. 

It's not the right time for us and that's okay.  It still hurts ...a lot.  Though, I'd rather break a bone and have it mend  now in the grand scheme of life versus potentially have years of resentment, years of heartache, years of not feeling good enough, years of unwanted questions, years of not appreciating each other, years of feeling like we're not getting wants/needs met.

We both may not fully understand right now why the relationship had to end, but I am confident that one day we will.

I hope we both go to God in our hurt, anger, confusion -- any emotion or thought -- for answers and evaluation.  I hope we both can be exceedingly happy in the future, whatever happens.  I hope, as we go to God and godly friends, we get to know Jesus better and love Him more each day, for each of those relationships to be deeper and richer.  I hope we both know we're in God's hands and loved by Him just the way we are and well beyond any love either could ever give the other. 

Happy Easter

This year, I was away from my family but spend the holiday with friends.  I am grateful.  I ended up keeping myself busy by going to a church service Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.   That doesn't happen often, ha!  Each were great in their own right. 

I liked all the songs we sang on Good Friday.  I liked the question and answer mini session on Saturday that was different but eye-opening to see that people are hurting and going through all sorts of life events.  So, I'm not alone.  

The message that day was about how Jesus overcame the obstacle of death so that we can be overcomers, while also touching on the fact that Peter was specifically called out, which is important because he denied Christ.  Peter had messed up but God still choose to use him.  We, in turn, can have hope.  Then Sunday's sermon was about Christ's resurrection.  All I can say is praise God we, as Christians, serve a living God!

All of this was great and kept me busy, in a good way.  I was able to catch up with friends and see some of them, too.  Yet, I think the big takeaway for me this weekend was seeing the movie "I can only imagine."

First, I highly recommend going to see it.  Second, I didn't know what to expect exactly since I hadn't seen a preview, but the song with the same title came to mind.  It is in fact about that song -- how the man who wrote and sings it came to be that man.  

It's an incredible and powerful true story about forgiveness, redemption, and God's power to change people.  I don't wanna give away too much in case you see it but the man who sings that song is in the band Mercy Me, who overcame the obstacle of anger, hurt, rejection, and more towards his Dad to be able to forgive and love his Dad in the end. 

He was changed by God.  His Dad was changed by God.  I love that!  God can truly do anything!  He can take the lowest person or the most self-righteous person or the most hurting person or the most angry person or the most fake person or the most questioning person or the most doubting person or the seemingly most undeserving person… it doesn't matter!  Christ changes lives and restores relationships.  

We have to listen to truth, to His Word.  And guess what?  The process isn't always awesome.  It will take some work or time to listen to that still, small voice and respond.  It will hurt to dig up past offenses, past hurts, past sins.  But one must in order to work through them with Christ. 

The end result is beyond worth it.  

The man who sings that song reaped the reward of a restored relationship with his Dad, relationship with the woman he loved, and relationship with God.  It's beautiful.  And his story didn't end there. 

We are overcomers in Christ alone. 

I am overcoming a broken heart right now and pray that the man whose heart I broke is also mended through and by God and that we both go to God wholeheartedly.  I know healing will happen with time.  Maybe we'll be like this singer/songwriter and we both change for the better by God and reunite down the road of life or maybe God just uses the relationship we had as a catalyst for Him as we go separately into the future.  I don't know.  I don't know if we both will go to God or what the future holds but I'm choosing to trust God. 

Another life example of spectacular change is when I uncovered that I was actually an angry person.  Surface level, I would have never ever said I was angry but when I went to God, began reading and studying about anger, and peeling back the layers, I could see anger was an issue in my life.  It was rough.  

The truth will always come out.  Some signs of pent up anger are weight gain, intense fatigue, and memory loss.  I had those.  Some causes of anger are broken expectations, blocked goals, and effects of others sin upon your life.  I had those.  A progression is bitterness, resentment, turning into vengeance, then hatred and gratefulness, loss of hope, loss of faith, depression, and finally death.  I had progressed to quite a few of those. 

Recognizing my anger and dealing with it properly was the only way to go; I had to "give your feelings of anger, hurt, and disappointment to God."  I evaluated my anger and forgave the offender through Christ. 

My bucket of anger that I had been slowly putting drops into over the years was full and then I dumped the bucket out completely.  It felt so good!  Now, to prevent anger, I ask for God's help, I spent time in His Word, I pray, I cultivate a spirit of gratitude and humility, I get adequate rest, I try not to do too much in too little time, I look at vulnerable areas and deal with them, I keep short accounts, and I try not to take someone else's responsibility. 

I'm happy to say I have been so much happier, physically felt lighter like a weight was lifted, feel as though I have truly forgiven people and could love them and show love to others better, and I knew I was closer to God for dealing with those sins. 

Overcoming.  Seeing and embracing change.  Being redeemed.  All these things and more because of Christ, His work on the cross and his rising from death that I celebrate today and beyond!

Dietitian Life

Dietitian  

[dahy-i-tish-uhn]  

noun

1. a person who is in expert in nutrition or dietetics. 

I also saw today, since it's National Registered Dietitian Day, the following explanation by Kristi King:

"We are not just label readers.  We are not the food police.  We don't just make meal plans.  What are we?  We are educators.  We are counselors and communicators.  We are the cheerleaders for you to live your best life.  We help kids grow and sometimes we keep you live when critically ill.  We are in hospitals and private practice, food service and industry.  We are instructors and professors."

We, as Registered Dietitians, are the expert!  I love when people recognize this. 

I don't much enjoy when people confuse me with a nutritionist, because, to me, anyone can be a nutritionist be it your mom, your grandma, or your little kid nephew.  Anyone who has a passion for nutrition (which is a good thing, mind you) can be called a nutritionist.  However, not everyone is a Dietitian.  That Registered Dietitian or RD title goes to the one who earned it with schooling, degrees, internships, and passing the national exam (or as some may say, boards). 

Now that that's out of the way, I will say I love being a Dietitian!  I changed my degree sophomore year of college and never looked back.  It is definitely one of the best choices I've made in life.

A patient literally came in this week asking me if I like being a Dietitian and if I would talk about my profession because they were interested in pursuing a career in health.  I gave the over-arching "yes" answer and then dove into specifics.  All of it.  They took notes :)

I provided background into why I even became an RD.  I explained all the things the Dietitian can do and all the places one can work.  The sky is the limit!  I rattled on about my experiences in pretty much every aspect that dietetics has to offer except higher education, though I'm qualified (and I've thought about it, ha!).  I stated the reality of the route to become an RD -- all. that. science. (Bio, O-chem, Anatomy, Physiology), the medical vocabulary, food management, food lab, etc.  I gave job perks like not being too stressed, being able to help people, and loving what I do.  I also said the not so pretty side of things...

[To be honest, I wrote a lot of this next part in November '16 while I was angry.]

Like any profession or really any thing in life, there is greatness that I can't get enough of and there are annoyances that I am totally over.  

I love those all-star patients, who 1) actually listen to what you say and 2) do it.  I love those all-star people who exclaim that diet/nutrition is actually really important.  Typically, they are the living, breathing example of a life turned around by right eating. 

Can't. Get. Enough.

It's these people and these moments that help being a dietitian be that much greater and the bad days become that much less deflating.

I realize I'm in a profession that people have ample opportunity to get their hands on information.  There is no telling how many websites and books there are on nutrition or the next latest and greatest fad diet.  Yet, it just seems so baffling that because one may have a smidge of information that is correct and that they might actually implement that gives them the air of knowing all and thus dismissing truth, help, or a new idea.

It's like saying to the plumber "Oh no, I got this.  I know what's wrong.  I fixed my drain from a hair clog once, so whatever you just said, can't be right."  AND "Even if it is, I can fix it myself with a YouTube video, despite the fact that I've never seen the pipes in my house."  Yeah, you do that. Personally, I would trust the plumber because he's a plumber, and I am not a plumber. 

People say this all the time, whether explicitly or inadvertently.  And that's sometimes just the beginning. 

Me:  Do you (the patient) do anything special in your diet?" 

Patient:  no.  

Me:  Okay, I'm going to talk to you about the cardiac diet, which is a low fat and low salt diet...

Patient:  Oh no, I don't use the saltshaker!

They just tuned out.  And I'm over there like "That's great.  Just at dinner?  Because you're in the hospital, so ya ain't perfect.  Let's dig a little deeper, shall we?"

As a Dietitian, you're the nutrition expert.  You're the one who went to school for a number of years, took all those hard science classes, maybe even has a masters… or two, has done an internship to acquire the hours and experience necessary to take and pass the national exam.  To become registered.  To get the credentials.  To then turn around and tell people who, in fact, need your expertise and help but who dismiss you because they don't use the saltshaker.  I love my job. 

Don't even get me started about doctor's "God complex"!

As a Dietitian, I am personally not the "food police."  One friend had the fortune of knowing myself and another Dietitian and said along the lines of "Does this mean I'm going to have to eat healthy [around you] or that you guys are going to tell me what to eat?"  Haha!  Heck, no.  That is called a client.  

Besides, this Dietitian likes to eat!  I tell people I have cravings, I gave in, I like desserts, food tastes good, etc.  So, I'm just like you in that regard.  However, I have an arsenal of knowledge on how to eat in a healthy way.  Think proper portion sizes, self-control, moderation, balance, actual healthy, nutrient dense food choices.

I give advice to whomever, if they ask.  I may have the occasional telling facial expression or slip up, though sometimes I don't care and I say what I know, but I try and refrain.  It is my profession but I'm going to try to not push anything on someone, and I know that some people don't want advice or to be helped.  You learn to read those people quick. 

Man, if I had a dollar for every time someone told me "I am doing this (fill in fad diet here) diet" or "It's expensive to eat healthy" or "Well, there's just so much conflicting stuff out there about nutrition" then I would be pretty rich!  

First, let's stop spreading those falsehoods!  The majority of Dietitians sing the same song, staked in good research.  It's the media who does not.  Heaven knows you can't have cake for breakfast every day and be "healthy" or lose desired weight.  My grandfather always did want me to concoct a diet in which chocolate shakes were a staple to enable him to be skinny.  Wouldn't that be rich.  Second, you're the know-it-all so you should know already what's true and what you should be doing, and there shouldn't be any confusion, right?  No?!  Maybe you do need that person who's gone to school just to look at all the research and bodily processes who is able to bring it down to your level of understanding.

Praise God for those who do realize this!  Just the other day a guy said he had lost a lot of weight and people started to ask him what he did.  But you know what?  He decided that he should go to school first to become a Dietitian to get the credentials to tell people what to do and to actually know what the heck to do. 

Then there are the lovely people who are recipients of those Dietitian's brains.  One lady told me she is a Celiac and a Dietitian worked with her when she was 95 pounds with no muscle.  She's now 105 pounds, weightlifting, and feels the best she ever has.  She also looks awesome. She is also at least in her 50s and has had several kids.  You can tell the expertise and that woman's hard work have paid off. 

So, hats off to Dietitians everywhere! I'm grateful to know a lot of them :)

And hats off to those who rightfully take advantage of our services and who have made the necessary changes to lead better, stronger lives!

Even after a year and a half, sometimes those same negative thoughts run through my mind, but, in the end, like I told my patient this week, no matter where I've gone, I've always met at least one patient who stands out and whom I will never forget because of the progress they made or because of the conversation we were able to have.  

I've shared my nutrition knowledge with a lot of people as well as my faith in God, which is the ultimate.  

I know I was there at that time with that individual for a reason.  That.  That makes it all worth it.