The Number

March is national nutrition month!  The theme is "put your best fork forward."  I bet you can just hear the excitement around any and every Dietitian.

For added festivities, the facility I'm at in West Virginia is doing a weight-loss challenge for the month.  I think it's a great idea!  They've done it in the past and had good results, and this year is shaping up to be very full of participants as well.

One thing that struck me though was the comments people made as they were being weighed.  People are so harsh on themselves and so very much into that number!  

I get it.  I used to be the same way and can slip into that mindset even now.  Though, I try not to let the number bother me these days, for which accepting my body style and size has done wonders, and, honestly, I don't weigh myself unless forced.  It's not necessary in my book. 

It's just a number, not a disaster nor insurmountable.  It should not dictate my self-worth or value, my abilities, or my mindset.  So, I prefer go with how I feel, how I look in my clothes or how those clothes fit, and how I'm able to reach my lifestyle goals. 

Unfortunately, too many don't do that  but, rather, are focused on a number going down (or not going up even) that they don't think about their actual health.  Someone can be "skinny" and yet still be truly unhealthy.  For instance, those who suffer from and fight an eating disorder.  Then there are those, like me, who are on the heavier side (by the number) but in great health. 

Let's be real.  I weigh about 140 pounds, which is the heaviest I've ever been.  But you know what?  I don't care.  Sure, if a guy tries to lift me, I'll warn him that it's a bad idea, but I know I'm healthy (wealthy and wise), I know all my clothes fit, I know I look good (to me), and I know I'm ironically at one of my smallest sizes.  I know it's just a number. 

I also have a photo of when I weighed this amount years ago.  I didn't feel healthy at all and was definitely self-conscious.  I look pretty different because my weight showed then.  

Now, I know I don't look like I weigh that much because it's just obvious to me in lots of ways and because two ladies, whom I'd just weighed for the challenge, were kind of shocked when I told them my weight.  They both agreed that I was "so small" and they would have never guessed I weighed "that much."  Ever. 

I'm still not immune to wishing I was back at my 125 pound self on some days.  However, since I fit into clothes that I wore at that weight, am able to be active with running, hiking, swimming, lifting, cycling, etc., am healthy (void of illnesses and disease) and feel healthy, and am able to do what God wants me to be doing, I'm going to continue to not care about a number. 

I challenge you to start to do the same this National Nutrition Month and beyond!

No More

What would you do if you knew you couldn't speak to someone you knew or loved again?

The thought hit me while sitting in a diner in Michigan.  It was influenced by many things, such as the reality of having no communication in a few weeks time, the movie LION which I had seen just the other day (and highly recommend), and the debate in my head on whether or not to reach out to someone. 

Life's simple pleasures can be taken away easily and quickly.  They are also most definitely taken for granted.  This occurred to me as I sat thinking about my upcoming trip as I will have little to no communication with friends and family back home.  I take this age of communication and connectivity for granted, to be sure.  But in my thought process from above, I mused, What if I don't come back?  What if something happens to those people while I'm gone?  What if I had the chance to say something but never did?

In the movie, the story centers around a little boy who gets lost at the age of five.  This is based on a true story, and he is going through this a few years before I was even born.  Therefore, there is no Internet or Google or GPS or any such thing at that time, just good, old fashioned newspaper articles flashing a missing child picture.  But he is in India, which is a ginormous country, and his mother is illiterate.  She searches; he searches.  He was not found until 25 years later, after Google maps makes its presence to help fuel his search.  The part of the movie that hit me most strongly, especially in that diner as I replayed the movie in my mind, was the scene in which he is on a train and telling his mom that he loves her.  He believes he will never see her again or be able to tell her in person that he loves her and misses her.  In the end, he does get to do those things but, as a five-year-old, he realized he may never.  How gut-wrenching is that?

When people pop into my mind, I don't think it's a mistake.  I typically say a little prayer for them, and yet, more often than not these days, I will at least send a text saying that I'm thinking of them.  I like that better.  Therefore, my conclusion as to whether or not text a friend was that it was stupid not to do so.  I have the time and opportunity, so why waste it?  Besides, who knows when contact will truly be lost or if the person needed a friendly reminder of one who cared that day?

I think of friends who have moved on, I think of friends who have married and basically fallen off the face of the earth, I think of my brother who I can't talk to anymore...  

I think of my sphere of influence that has changed and will keep changing, I think of old friends who've kept in touch, I think of my family whom I love dearly and don't say so to them often enough…

I think of Colossians 3:12-17

"12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

I hope to exude the qualities in verses 12 and 13 to others, have love bind and peace permeate, and be ever grateful.  All for God's glory.

The Power of a Question

I ask a lot of questions or at least try to do so.  I'm wired that way; I'm naturally curious. 

Honestly, I think I'm annoying a person a lot of the time with all of them!  Then I have to assure myself that 1) hopefully I'll sense a true annoyance and stop before it becomes a gigantic blowup and 2) the worst that can surely happen is the person can choose to say no or flat out not answer me. 

So far, I recall no tumultuous blowups and I've most definitely been told no as well as been ignored.  So it goes.  I'm not going to let that stop me.

Questions, especially the right ones to the right people at the right time, are very important.  They can do so much -- challenge, equip, expand, drive, inspire, curtail, thrive, brandish,  squelch, redirect, pinpoint, and much more!  Or, better yet, as one older and wiser than I once said, "Good questions inform; great questions transform."

I know, deep down, I ask questions to learn, to gain information or insight, to see another's perspective, etc. in order to better myself.  Furthermore, I ask questions to try to get others to think, to consider something they possibly hadn't, to open up and share what they possess, etc. in the hopes they are bettered as well. 

I ask silly ones, like "can you guess what I'm doing right now?" or "can you guess where I am right now?" because it's fun.  Some of the responses I've gotten to those give me the good medicine of laughter.  They've also let me hear how creative my friends really are or how well they know me (or maybe inform me I'm more predictable than I think!).

I ask hard ones.  This gets sticky some of the time.  I pray I speak in turn and, more than anything, am loving.  Because truthfully, the hard questions asked can save someone a lot of heartache.  Honestly, the question itself can be as simply stated as, "what are you doing?" wherein the hard part is actually timely saying it (what with context, tone, and relationship status) and truly listening to the response.  So, I ask because I care ...and to potentially have the person think and/or be honest with themselves.  

If I don't know something, I'll ask.  I learned to do this in high school after I fell prey to embarrassment.  One day, my teacher was talking to me about something I knew nothing about.  Over my head stuff.  He knew it.  Must have been the glazed look on my face.  "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?" he said.  I shook my head no and he explained. From then on, however, I've always asked for clarification from the get-go if I don't know or understand what's going on. 

If I think I should stop asking, I will.  I learned this growing up in a most impressionable way.  My Mom was planning a surprise birthday party for me but, me being me, I wouldn't shut up and stop trying to plan something.  My Mom got so frustrated, she blurted out the whole plan.  No surprise party for me.  Lesson learned.  Now, I try not to pester people about things that are none of my business, as in my mentality is they can tell me if they want me to know.  This is hard, since I'll talk about anything, really, though I have topics I stick more closely, out of comfort or significance, and since I don't think there should be a life subject that's deemed off-limits.  Still, I go with context, relationship status (like trustworthiness), and so on before talking about certain things, trust me. 

Once I've done my asking, I have to do the listening.  At times, I'm too busy conjuring up what I want to say or ask and how I'm going to do it that I stop listening.  No bueno.  I need to have an open ear and engage with the person fully by taking in the environment and details as best as possible, not try to hear what I want or get my thought/agenda/question out there.  The time will come.  Or it won't and it will have to be okay.  But the listening part is not optional.

Now then, I'm currently listening to an audio book by John C. Maxwell about good leaders asking great questions and am becoming more aware of what questions I'd like to be asking myself as well as to others.  Here are some:

Am I investing in myself?

Am I genuinely interested in others?

What did you learn? And love? 

Did I/we add value?

How do I/we make the most of this opportunity?

What do you think?

How can I serve you?

What do I need to communicate?

Did I/we exceed expectations?

Am I investing my time with the right people?

Am I taking care of today?

Lots of food for thought!  Though, I'd be remiss to not ask you a question or two :)  What do you think about question asking?  How would you describe this post?

Guy Theory

Boy meets girl.  It happens everyday. Pretty sure that's from a commercial back in the day, but surely it can be that simple.  Guy goes after girl and gets her.  And let's tack on they live happily ever after for kicks and giggles.

I think it comes down to the guy really wanting a relationship with the girl.  Yes, the girl has a choice and has to want the relationship as well but, for all intents and purposes, I'm talking about initiating and securing the deal, which is the guy's part I think.  I'm old-fashioned maybe but, even still, I think it works better when the guy sticks his neck out on the line first.

I know the fear of rejection is very high.  I also know the nerves can make you a wreck.  I know because I've done it!  I've had to ask a guy to dance or to a Sadie Hawkins dance, among other situations in life where I was the one under pressure.  To me, that's just part of the man's role.

On the flipside of one-sided risk-taking however, the girl also has to take a risk in the accepting, which may feel greater depending on the request.  For example, what if the guy  is moving away and asks for the girl to join?  That's a lot! (especially if he hasn't put a ring on it!). The girl has to decide if she sees the relationship going somewhere, has to find a job, has to uproot, find new friends, etc. It might be the last place on earth one expected to be but if the guy was worth it... I mean, you do stupid stuff for people you love, right?

I digress.  To me, it's simple.  I think If the guy really wants the girl, he'd do whatever it takes to get her.  That's my theory.

If you have any insight or comments, please let me know!  I'm all ears.  Seriously.

Sidenote: to all you science people out there, I know this is not really a theory but a hypothesis.  I need to test it and go through the motions before it is a legit theory.  It just sounds better to say theory in my head :)

I've heard of a couple getting together and staying together after the guy meets the girl two weeks before he leaves.  I've heard of a couple dating and eventually marrying after meeting basically a day before he left to go to another state far away.  I read about a guy who did ridiculous (and funny) things, like a gigantic Valentine's Day card, to get the attention of his now wife, even though she said she would not date him.  I heard a college professor say he dated his now wife super long distance – – she lived in a completely different country but they would take turns visiting each other.  I heard a guy say, he doesn't dance but he'll dance for only one girl. 

"I don't dance, but here I am

Spinning you around and around in circles

It ain't my style, but I don't care

I'd do anything with you anywhere

Yes, you got me in the palm of your hand

'Cause, I don't dance"

That's a country song, so it has to be true.  Right?!

As someone else put it, I'm curious as to the extent of what a guy would go to for the girl who has "the it factor" or, as I say, has zing-pow ...before she gets away.  Because you know she will.  No girl should wait around for a guy nor should she move, like in the example above, if the guy has said nothing (or possibly even if there's no ring!).  I would not move somewhere for a chance to have a chance with a guy.  There is a line of how much stupid I will let myself go through. 

Obviously the guy's exertion will be different for every guy.  The amount of things he's willing to do or give up will vary.  But isn't that underlying drive to get the girl universal?  To do what it takes to get her?

Maybe it comes down to personality.  I think the guy will because, well, I would.  Then again, I am type A.  When I set my mind to something, I typically do it.  I find out how to do it if I don't already know or find a person to help me do it, etc.  With this, I think I personally have to be careful because I could easily take things into my own hands when I really want the guy to take the lead at the start.  However, I'm not sure how much personality plays into it since I feel a lot of people go after what they want.

Still, I feel like all I can do sometimes, as the girl, is show the guy that I like him in the ways I know, which are typically gifts, words, and time since those are my love languages (whole other conversation, I know).  Sometimes, though, it seems like I do everything but flat out tell him, "I like you. Do you even care?"  Still, again, I have done such a thing in my life and it seems to go nowhere.  Each time I just get this, "aw, that's cute" response as if he's patting me on the head.  Doesn't care. 

As a guy friend once said, so I'm not afraid to say it, "guys are stupid."  This is another, possibly plausible, theory.  Yet, I don't like to put people down, so I'm going to try to disregard it. 

Speaking of, I think I'm going to put this whole theory to rest: God's got a plan for me in all aspects of life, and I think the guy He has for me will blow me away. 

Experiences or words of wisdom still appreciated!

Life is Fun Sometimes

It was a brilliant idea, I thought.  It will fit easily, I thought.  It will be used in your new place and look cute again, I thought.  Delusions of grandeur. 

Note to self: some ideas will slap you in the face ...and others will be there to witness it.  Because that thing you use to store your shoes in your room that you're so proud of since you're repurposing something, well, it is not happening in the trunk of your car!  Shoes strewn everywhere.  Rearranging an almost packed car.  Exasperation.  Feeling that you're losing the battle and telling your landlord so.  Yep, that happened. 

And yet, hours later, it all worked out and I'm on the road.  (Praise God!) Not without, of course, an attitude check and trying to call a friend for help, saying packing up and moving is terrible and I want to take it all back.

However, I know it's the right thing to do.  All this packing, moving, and cleaning is necessary, even if it's not the "fun" I want to be having.

This travel life is the life I've chosen right now, and it is good.  It is for many reasons, some of which I mention to myself or others.  I mean, sometimes I just need to hear it out loud to reassure myself.  

This upcoming assignment is no different.

People have lovingly asked if I'm excited about West Virginia, and I can honestly say I am now, despite the shoe debacle and the overwhelming amount of stuff I tried to cram in my car.  I could not have said this about two days ago, though.

As I reflect more on my job (and just where I am in life), I keep coming back to the people I meet, how I see God working, and how I'm learning and growing.  This is why I'm doing what I'm doing.  

There are people who I'll try to keep up with because they've been put in my path and on my heart, even if they want me to let go or vice versa.  There are times I see that only God could have orchestrated, and then there are times to reflect, learn, and grow. 

Just last week, I was remarking on how small the world is.  I met a young lady about my age who had moved to Texas after spending the last 10 years in West Virginia.  Excitedly, I said I was about to leave for West Virginia!  Cue small world comment.

Also cue instant friend. :)

Besides the fact that I don't think this is just coincidence, I thought about the fact that one friend of mine recently stated I possibly have a big world.  I know why he said this and I agree because for some things I do have a "big world" picture.  However, for other things or instances, I'm finding I have still have a "small world" view.  For example, my big world picture is in my mindset of the world being my oyster and, wherever I go, trying to make friends and keep in touch as best as possible since I value people and relationships.  Not everyone gets this or does it, and it's okay, up to a point.  They may just see things differently than me, though they may have a frame of mind of "us four and no more."  I don't agree with the latter because I wouldn't want to be closed off or not challenged by thinking outside of my little bubble.  Even this is a process.

I'm finding out from these travel assignments, my community/world/bubble is big, is growing.  I'm no longer just in one place making connections but several places making lots of connections. 

Honestly, what if we all operated with (and kinda reverted back to) that mentality -- that the world really is a big, wonderful place -- instead of the cliche small world mentality?  Or maybe it's more along the lines of getting outside of my own little world that I've grown accustomed and comfortable with?

I get it.  Technology and travel, among other things, have connected us like never before!  And it's great.  There are many people whom I love to see snap shots of their life and/or hear how they're doing, which has to be done through different technology avenues.  Not my preferred method at all but it's all I've got in some cases.  Still, this can actually extend my small world problem.  I know I rely on FB, for example, instead of picking up the phone or Skyping. 

Beyond this, I have been known to get so caught up in my world and what's going on in my life at the moment, I miss the big picture or the greatness that could be had!  Because, if it's not in my backyard or in my preconceived plan, I don't go for it or don't even think about it.  That's unfortunate.

On the one hand, it's almost unfathomable to me to have this happen since I try not to have it happen ...but it still does because no one is perfect and there are legit things to get caught up in like raising a family well and bettering yourself or your family.  I'm obviously in the bettering oneself camp for now, though I thankfully have good examples to see the family dynamic take an edifying priority.  On the other hand, I think I have some important things in correct perspective to enable myself to have a big world outlook.  I love God and seek to know Him.  I value people and relationships.  I want the best for others and will do what I can to help them out.  I let go when it's healthy and necessary or just as life takes a turn since communication is a two way street that demands two willing people to make an effort.  Etc., etc., etc. 

Anyway, I contribute my larger worldview to my faith, my upbringing, and my traveling.  Sometimes my outlook is especially highlighted when I come across an individual or circumstance that's in contrast to it.  No surprise, right?  But getting out of my bubble as of late with traveling the US has provided ample opportunities.  It makes life fun.

Those who share a similar, larger scope on life, I've noticed, have a faith, have traveled, have experienced a true need for a friend, or a combination thereof.  

I think of my friend who I met playing soccer.  He is good at inviting and including others in what he is doing.  He has also continued to be a presence in my life despite my moving around, which I'm beginning to feel is rare.  I think it stems from his desire to love people.  

I think of my friend, my PT guy, whom I've probably literally only done three things with due to time and distance, yet I still call him friend and appreciate him.  He's willing to keep me posted on life and shoot me a text if he thinks of me and respond to mine.  I think all this is partly from being a traveler as well, not too long ago.  

Another friend's world is growing.  He offered to let me store my things in his garage.  There's nothing in it for him except more clutter, honestly.  I really appreciate it!  I think as he grows in his relationship with God, he wants to show the love that he has been given to others in practical ways.

Yet another dear friend is having her world stretched by volunteering and reaching out to the community.  It's hard work and she might not get the recognition or appreciation desired, but she will in heaven.  I see she is willing to serve and to try and change kid's lives.

These friends, I feel, share or are growing into a bigger picture, in that people matter whether they're across the street or across the globe or whether they've known someone for one minute or one's lifetime. 

So, the "fun" moments and truly fun moments matter.  They are preparing me for what lies ahead and who I meet.  Maybe they need me or I need them.  Either way, looking forward to it!