That Dating Game

First off, I don't think dating is a game.  It sure does feel like it is a lot of the time, though!  Second of all, sometimes it is fun and sometimes it is not.  Thirdly, despite all the stickiness, there is a lot of goodness mixed into dating, and I'm grateful to be able to choose who "my guy" will be.

Up to this point in life in this area, it's like I can never win.  I'm not going to be the king (or in my case, the queen) winning and saying checkmate by finding the right space, making the right move(s), or having the right strategy.  It seems I'll constantly be the little pawn moving only one space at a time that's overlooked and brushed aside. 

Dramatic, I know.  Sometimes that's how it feels, while other times I could care less about dating and marriage and could just enjoy the single life for forever!  I've just never wanted to date just to date, and there are several other factors.  Still, a lot of times, it's frustrating.  I stick to my prayer of "right guy, right time," and I have my standards, my list of must-haves and preferences, my deal breakers.  I've had to say no to guys because there's always a catch, whether on my end or theirs.  I keep hearing myself saying, "He's great BUT... (insert reason as to why we're not dating)".  

You don't love Jesus?  You're out. 

Oh.  So you don't actually want to date me?  Bye. 

You're kind of a jerk.  Deuces. 

All you want is the physical aspect of a relationship?  Nope.  Don't waste my time. 

This date felt like your personal info session with a Dietitian.  Congrats and see ya!

It's all happened.  There has even been a guy who checked off everything on my list!  Like everything.  Definitely the important, big deal stuff.  I couldn't believe it.  But that "but" creeped in, as usual.  I couldn't have ever predicted it when making that list so long ago.  I guess I thought once I met a guy who matched my list then it was meant to be and we'd live happily ever after or something.  Nope.  Why?  I'll likely never know the real reason and that's okay, just chalk it up to he's not the right guy for me after all.  I mean, there's still the other person who also has a list.  Haha! 

Needless to say, I felt like it was a cruel joke by God.  I basically tried to throw my list out the window.  Now that I'm in a new place, I figure I can start fresh and, in some definite frustration from the past, I joined an online dating site.

I am not a fan.  Sure, you set your parameters and whatnot but it's still work, still saying no to a lot of guys who you don't even know why they popped up, and still questioning the process.  I feel like I got on quickly and got off even more quickly.  

I am dating now, however.  That's slightly weird to write.  Ha!  He's a guy from the Air Force base and a good one -- chivalrous, thoughtful, good values, protective, really likes me, sweet, a leader, etc.  (No, he's not a pilot).  Being with him is fun, challenging and growing in many ways, and a different way to learn more about myself.  I'm obviously learning about "my guy" as well.  

I got all bug-eyed and quasi second-guessing when we talked about sports and the Olympics one time, for example.  He doesn't really go out of his way to watch either, as in he isn't too big a fan and doesn't have a team to root for or an event to get excited about.  I don't think I've met a guy like this before and definitely not one I'm technically dating.  I literally said, "Who are you?!" half joking, hall dead serious and wondered if we were too different (this is not the first or dare I say the last thing we differ on!).  On the one hand, I can understand since I'm a fan but not a crazy fan, like I'll watch OU and love it but if I happen to miss a game, it's not the end of the world, and I don't know every stat or player that ever was.  On the other hand, I don't understand at all since sports was such a bonding experience for me with family and friends.  I'd go to all the OU sports games with friends, my family still texts during OU football games about all the plays and TD celebrations, and I vividly and lovingly remember watching sports and the Olympics with my brother growing up.   How will he survive in this world?! 

He says he'll watch an OU game with me, so we shall see.  Maybe I become a crazy fan in his mind and then he'll be the one saying, "Who are you?!" 

No matter what, I want to glorify God and continue to take things one day at a time while asking Him to give me discernment, grace, wisdom, kindness, and all that I need.  Which of course includes who I need to be with.