Crisp It Up

I have a friend who likes to say, "He needs to crisp it up!" when talking about guys sometimes.  I laugh because it's funny, especially how she says it, but it's also not funny because it's true. 

Some guys do need to crisp it up.  If their plan is to "get the girl" then it should be executed.  The alternative?  I think Aretha Franklin sang it best (whether or not this song is in correct context, go with it!):

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care... T-C-B

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me
sock it to me, sock it to me)
Whoa, yeah (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
I get tired (just a little bit)
I keep on tryin' (just a little bit)
You're runnin' out of fools (just a little bit)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(re, re, re, re) Repect when you come home
(re, re, re, re)
Or you just might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)

Yep, guys, she will leave you.  

Whether it's been two weeks or two years dating, she'll go.  If you're married and see divorce as an option, she'll go.  If you're married with divorce not being an option or dating and she hasn't gone yet, thank your lucky stars because you still have time.  Use it wisely. 

I have had to consider these things and so have others (and then live with the answer): 

Do I want to be with someone who doesn't respect me?
Do I want to be with someone who doesn't value what I value?

Do I want to be with a man who doesn't show or tell me I'm important and/or loved?

Do I want to marry a man who won't apologize, won't admit he's wrong or had wrongdoings, or won't truly work to fix things?

Do I want to marry a man who does what he wants and puts himself first?

The answers are all no [for me].

So, the guy should be taking care of the present.  No more future talk because there might not be one.  It's hard but I've recently had to say this. Just like my friend telling me "he needs to crisp it up!" I've had to say it in a different way.

Ladies, take care of yourselves and put up boundaries and enforce them (or re-inforce them).  But don't be completely ugly about it and definitely go to God. 

As if it isn't clear, I think men should secure the girl and make her feel secure in different ways.  If that means marriage to you then get down on one knee.  If you're already married or aren't ready for it yet or want a different way to offer security, start with looking at needs and focus on at least one to meet (taken from Maslow's hierarchy of needs) -- physiological (food, clothing, shelter), safety (emotional security, financial security, health and well-being), social ( friendship, family, intimacy), and esteem (self confidence).  

Personally, I think a good portion of esteem and all of "self-actualization" come from a personal relationship with God.  Thus, a spiritual need.  And I truly see how God meets every single need! Praise the Lord!

Still, God does talk about relationships and some verses talking about marriage in particular go like this: "In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.  Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:28-33

I think this concept should be seen a bit in dating (he loves her as himself and she respects him) and then it comes to a fuller fruition in marriage.  Each plays a part, yes.  But the man crisps it up first. 

Then she will.  And the fun really begins ;)