Wait, what?
I hadn't heard this definition for love ever until a few days ago while listening to a podcast on marriage. I don't like it. I prefer the fairy tale version of love because it doesn't include dying to yourself. Am I right? I guess God truly does give you what you need at the right time.
I say that because it's true. I had to apply the quote a couple days after hearing it. My fiancé asked me to do something most difficult. He basically asked for me to be okay with less communication due to life being fun at the moment and making talk-time more challenging. At first, I was slightly defensive. I knew I had already been trying to be better about that exact thing so I felt I needed to tell him so (um, yeah, didn't need to do so), and I also knew our communication was already low, which I don't like to say the least.
Do I think he deserves me doing this? No.
Is it very costly to me? Yes.
Do I love him and want to show him? Yes.
So, here we are! Chugging along by God's grace.
And it's definitely God working in me and through me. It's not that I don't struggle, I do. There are times I just want to hear his voice, be given a hug, or talk about things in real time. I don't entirely like what's going on but it is more about knowing God can help me accomplish any task -- no matter the difficulty, length of time it takes, or how I feel.
Another additional line spoken in the podcast was along the thoughts of, it's not all about what your partner gives you and whether you're being fulfilled, which made me stop and confess this is sometimes how I operate. Another line was, "choose to give your mate what they need even if you get nothing back." That is one of the hardest things to swallow and wrap my mind around. And, of course, do. What?? Nothing back?! No love, no communication, no nothing?! How can I do that? Why would I do that??
My mind easily goes into the crazies, like "if I don't talk, he'll think it's okay to have such lack of communication and we'll hardly ever talk again!" or worse. That thinking isn't very loving towards him or even myself, though. Besides, I don't believe they will come true or are true. Yet, even if they are, God is enough. God loves me that deeply. I have to remind myself so much so that He sent His only Son to die for my sins in order for me to have a wonderful, thriving relationship with Him again. All glory and praise to God.
The time apart from my guy has been good, actually. Hard but good. Time to think, time to make friends, time to pray, time to miss my guy, time to do new things, time to be excited about the wedding, and time to just be myself kinda by myself.
That last part has to do with yet another part of the podcast, which was talking about what to do to be the "right" person for your spouse/potential spouse.
The "right" formula:
1) become the right person -- Ephesians 4
2) walk in love
3) fix your hope on God and seek to please Him in the relationship
4) when failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3
I'm focusing more on this list as of late, among other things. I realized I'm not doing a great job at all of them. What can I say? I don't want to be stagnant or mediocre. I'm always trying to learn, grow, and better myself ... with God.
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