Beauty, Brains, and Brawns

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

“A rare woman indeed is beautiful from a male perspective and favored by other women.”

“Beauty attracts the eye but personality captures the heart.”

My friend sent a small group of women an article to read about beauty, body image, and the like.   I liked the article that captured the moments and thoughts of several real life women with different body shapes and different personalities yet the same struggles.  They wrote about their bathing suit photo shoot without any photoshop afterwards.  The article is here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/heres-what-victorias-secret-swimsuits-look-like-on-real-wome?utm_term=.qpqLpW344&fb_ref=mobile_share#.agwWLdP2J

After reading it, I responded to the group email with this:

Thanks for the article!  Just the other day, I texted my Norman bestie saying that I wanted to cry when I looked in the mirror because I thought I looked so very fat!!  All I focused on was my pudge and rolls and... every thing I think is wrong with my body.  I've never wanted to cry about it (hope that doesn't ever happen) but it does go to show that I need a different mindset and to not believe the lies of the devil, which can even come through mass media.  Reading the article and seeing the pictures helps puts things into perspective and reinforces that women everywhere think along the same lines, whether for good or bad.  I just want to be healthy and I hope all you ladies will help me, and I will try to help you as best I can, too!  Love you all!

Some other responses were as follows:

“We are so mean to ourselves! AND a happy girl is a pretty girl to most guys!”

“The Lord has blessed us with health and beauty and, you’re right, to believe the opposite is a lie.”

The struggle is real.  I know men and women suffer from body image issues, trying to look beautiful/handsome in someone else’s eyes, obsessing about capturing one's “good side,” putting on enough weight to look big or losing enough to look thin and desirable, etc.   These bring on eating disorders, altered mental status, unrealistic expectations, and more.  I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons as to why it happens like wanting control or buying into marketing ploys, and I want to fight it.

I didn’t realize that I’m making progress until now, while stopping to think about what to write on.   It didn’t happen over night, trust me.  And it was hard work and still is because I’m not quitting!  I decided to think of myself as God sees me, as His beautiful child who is wonderfully made.  I also did my due diligent to pinpoint what I wasn’t particularly happy with and then what I was going to do about it.  Voila!  After some reading, I decided to try re-vamp my workout and my diet, as in, be a bit stricter. 

Happy to say, it's going well.  I feel pretty and healthy (despite battling who knows what beyond a cold turned sinus infection!).  I’m beginning to believe the “muscular and very pretty” description given to me by a co-worker.   I’m looking in the mirror and accepting my body shape while seeing beauty, pizzazz, muscles, and more.

Just last weekend even, I felt beautiful.  I went to a wedding and was able to see family and friends, and, since it was a special occasion, I tried to go all out!  I wore a new, little black dress complete with heels, a pretty up-do, and as much make-up as I could handle (My Mom teases that she can’t tell that I have any on when, in fact, I do!).  I decided that this doesn’t happen a ton, so I did my own mini photo shoot.  No filters or whatever.

Yay for right thinking!  And the ability to laugh at yourself while being silly!

Edward Scissorhands

You’ve seen the movie Edward Scissorhands, right?  I saw it way back when.  I remember the day I was told Johnny Depp played Edward and had my mind blown.  About 3 weeks ago, one of my patients reminded me of him and I was just plain creeped out! 

It was the eyes.  The hollow, distressed eyes that were surrounded by pale, sickly skin just did me in!  The patient also couldn’t talk so would motion or make noises; he was not always the most pleasant.  I remember times when I’d go check on him and be thankful for coming at nap time.  Another time I came in and the patient reached out an arm toward me, kind of grabbing me, and then used me to help pull their body up more on the bed.  It was a bit freaky to have an arm reaching out to grab you, especially with those eyes pelting you. 

As time went on, I started to see drastic changes, for the better.  Normalcy was coming! The eyes became less hollow and the skin became less ashen and more peachy.  A voice was regained and, by the end of the stay, real food was being eaten and complete sentences were being heard!

That’s quite remarkable to see but there’s one instance I will never forget and several lessons learned I hope to never forget.  The instance was during a visit in which the patient spoke basically one word between wheezes.  Still had an Edward Scissorhand-esque look going on and I was still a bit intimidated.  This visit, when the patient saw me come into the room, they unwrapped a hand and grabbed mine.  I didn’t know what was wanted or what was going to happen (again, a little freaky) but I just let the patient hold my hand.  And that’s all they wanted, just to hold my hand and tell me that they wished their son would come to the hospital to visit.     

My heart hurt!  I wished the son would come to visit.  I prayed.  I also prayed for myself because felt very foolish for being so freaked out and intimidated by such a sweet old person.  It reminded me that everyone needs and wants to be loved.

It also made me think that there’s no way of knowing what people think of me or what they say about me.  Heaven forbid I receive a negative comment but I know it happens.  For myself, I just wish I didn’t do it period. 

I recently had this more concretely drilled into my head when a friend was speaking about a mutual acquaintance and made a rude comment about the person’s smarts or lack thereof.  Stunned, I thought I would maybe think such a thing but not say it out loud!  Both are the wrong things to do.  People make mistakes, say silly things, get flustered, don’t listen to instruction well, etc. etc. that may warrant a questionable look but, really, they don’t deserve it.  Giving a look or making a snide comment doesn’t help them or you. 

I looked at my patient like a deer-in-headlights because their appearance scared me and that was wrong.  They couldn’t help it, and the patient needed my help get well.  In the same way, maybe that mutual friend needs someone’s help or maybe just someone to acknowledge strengths and not weaknesses. 

That patient has been a favorite and is now out of the hospital and out of my care.  The son never came, to my knowledge, but other family members did.

Now then, there are a lot of sick people in my hospital.  There are a lot of hurting people there, too.  Yet, sick and hurting people aren’t just in the hospital but all around me.  I hope to be a light for them in order to bring them to the true Light.

Guys, My Heart Has Been Stolen

Sometimes I just need a different yet valuable perspective.  A guy’s.

Now, I love my girlfriends and share some of my deepest thoughts and feelings with them, but I have to admit that I’m spoiled with some stellar guys in my life, who can really offer sound advice and simplify things, in a good way.

From helping me not over-think things to asking me questions in order for me to think about what’s really going on to lovingly telling me the obvious to telling me about a subject I’m completely clueless about to dancing the night away to just being freakin’ hilarious, my guys are awesome. 

Recently, I word vomited on one about military stuff like deployment, which led into talking about loved ones and significant others.  He took it like a champ, telling me his thoughts and giving a positive perspective.  Furthermore, he said some simple things and asked some simple questions that really helped me clarify things as I prayed about it all. 

Another time, I texted one to help me remember a mutual friend’s name.  The actual interaction was quite embarrassing.  You know, that awkward moment of saying hello while trying to not make it obvious that you can’t remember their name… eesh!  My friend told me the name as I had completely blanked on it.  His response was priceless, “Lol just ask.”  Duh.  Face palm.  I laughed but then thought of the awkward moment and said that asking his name was the most logical thing to do but far from my mind (i.e. racking my brain for his name was on my mind!).

I have another guy friend who has a plethora of things I could ask him about, a few being dogs, cars, and business.  He has a dog and I want to get one, so we’ve chatted about it.  He knows a lot about cars and, as I slung one after another at him, he broke it down into the good and bad and, in the end, why I should or shouldn’t get it.  He also knows more than me about business, so I asked him about starting a small business :) and he gave me some pointers to start on (gotta do that in my spare time, as if I have any!).

Then there are the countlessly fun times that I have with my guy friends, which include dancing, reading (yes, it can be fun with others), serving at church, talking about whatever comes up, going to the range, running, swimming, playing volleyball or soccer, cooking for or with them, and the list goes on!

Of course, I can’t forget my Dad, brother, and grandpa who are in a class all their own.  My Dad is my first go-to and my brother and grandpa are up there.  

Now then, I try not to put labels on the guys such as “my weather man” (that one is real, ha!) because they can offer much more than what I seem to ask them repeatedly about (i.e. the weather). 

Alas, I know things will change with my family and my guy friends as significant others pop up, but I’m going to enjoy it while I can!

You just never know what kind of an impact you can have on someone… Thanks, guys, for making a difference, whether big or small, in my life! 

ALL CAPS for this Brit

Lots of things happened when I studied abroad in England at the University of Hertfordshire and some didn’t come to light until after I had returned to the States.  I will blog about all that later, to be sure. 

One amazing thing that that experience provided, even all these years later, was a brilliant friend!  We met at the Christian University (CU) campus organization.  With our different accents and vocab and with the great distance, we make it work and enjoy each others friendship.  We keep tabs on each other’s lives, encourage each other, cry together, vent to each other, etc but we definitely rejoice together and this is what I want to highlight today. 

My friend has battled terrible illnesses that have caused her to take time off from University.  She’s changed her major, in a sense, and taken more time to be certified as a teacher.  A lot of things have come full circle for her with several ups, downs, questions, feelings of hopelessness, and more.  With her permission (and some changes for identity’s sake), I’m sharing what she recently told me:

“I apologise in advance for the length of this email but thought you'd like to know that ...........

HALLELUJAH!!! GOD GAVE ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. FOR REAL! NO JOKES! because .............

I GOT A JOB!!!!!! sorry for all of that in caps, heck the whole email would be in caps if it wasn't considered rude but I'm hoping this is expressing how EXCITED, OVERJOYED, GRATEFUL and HAPPY I am!!!

So on Monday I applied for a job, winged off the job application as you do and didn't think any more of it coz the school I'm working in ATM is super stressful! Then the following day, not even 24 hours later, I got a phone call asking me to interview 4 days later on the 12th june, the day after my birthday. Mum, dad, my brother and my boyfriend have been asking me for over a month what I wanted for my birthday and I always jokingly but slightly seriously responded with A JOB!

So, anyways, last week was super stressful putting together my interview lesson on food poisoning. My birthday on Thursday came and I wasn’t feeling great. I felt quite ill with a cold. I battled on at work and it was fine. I got home and became quite violently sick with what I think was a migraine. I was so ill. I can't even describe! When dad got home, he and mum prayed over me that I would get better and be able to attend interview the following day. No less than 2 hours later I was up and about, a completely different person. Yes, still ill, but no where near as bad.

Got up the next morning and couldn't face eating. Mum prayed over me again for peace and if it was God’s will then let it be. Drove off to the school about 45 min drive away. I was the ONLY PERSON THERE FOR INTERVIEW THAT DAY!!!! I met the head of the school and she is LOVELY!! The design and technology department are beyond fantastically equipped. They have resources and machines that my current school couldn’t even begun to dream of!!

She gave me a tour of the school and explained that I was the only person being interviewed on that day and 4 more people were due to be interviewed this week. So, anyways, the pressure was off that I had no direct competition on the day.

I taught my planned lesson on food poisoning and it was great. Then was taken to the headmaster (principal) for my main interview with him, the head of the school, and the assistant head of the school. The interview went fantastic and then they invited me to stay for lunch, so I was taken to the cafeteria where lunch was on the house. I was escorted back to the interview room and I hadn't even opened my sandwich when I was called back to the headmaster’s office. Where I was offered the job!!!!

The most amazing news is that the assistant head of the school IS A CHRISTIAN AND BECAME A CHRISTIAN AT THE UNIVERSIRY OF HERTFODRSHIRE!!!!!!!! He was there in 1995. I found this out after he asked me if I'd like him to show me around the school again for a second time to soak it in. He'd read my application and saw I was from Hertfordshire and was a Christian from CU stuff [as is] on my application and wanted to sit in on my interview!!!

I’M SO HAPPY I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN!!! GOD GAVE ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT AND HE’S BEEN PLANNING IT FOR YEARS!!!!! HOW CRAZY IS THIS?!?!?!?! 

LOVE YOU LOTS!!!!”

I can hear her say every word with her smart British accent and the excitement that the caps lock can only try to convey.  Love that girl and am so very excited for her!!

The New Job

Germany.  Australia.  Maryland.  Alaska.  North Carolina.  California.  Texas.  Hawaii.

What do all these places have in common?  Well, it ain’t a travel list.  They’re all checked off ;)

These are places where I saw a Dietitian job opening.  For all but Australia, I put in my application.  Though, I found a loophole for Australia, so that will be added back to the list if I look for another job…

Germany was my dream job – being abroad, inpatient setting, Army atmosphere, and much more!  Alaska would have just been for the beautiful surroundings.  Hawaii and California, too, but they would have brought the opportunity to surf.  Maryland would get me on the East Coast and bring back fun summer memories.  Same for North Carolina but would have brought more friends and some family as well.

After the searching, the saying of no thanks, the hoping, the waiting, and the ultimate saying of “put me where you want me, God”, I have a job that I pretty much love right in the best city of Texas.  I didn’t have to move.

I’ve changed from a clinical out-patient setting to an in-patient setting.  So, I work in a hospital and, yes, I can wear scrubs. 

There are so many things I like about the job!! 

I definitely like the challenge.  A patient may be on my floor for a certain diagnosis but have a lot going on what with co-morbidities, terrible-looking lab work, and medications, for instance.  Plus, you have to take into account their past medical history and past surgeries.  Then keeping up with what’s going on for follow ups and what not. 

I like using my brain, being busy, and feeling productive.  You’ve got all the above happening from “the challenge” but I still have to assess patient’s nutritional needs so I calculate how many calories and how much protein someone needs.  If they’re on tube feedings, I have to calculate fluids and pick the best formula to meet their needs.  It’s not too hard and having to see around 15 patients a day (right now) keeps me busy, which makes the day go by fast.

I like bringing it all together.  It’s kind of like a puzzle.  I’m putting pieces together backstage so that I can then come to the patient with a pretty complete picture.  Based on what they say and what I’ve found out from charts, I recommend the best thing for the patient to the doctor or ask the nurse to implement exactly what I want done.  For the most part, what I recommend is done or ordered by the doctor, which is another win and way to feel like I’m making a difference.

I like the patient interaction.  You get all kinds!  The majority of people are pleasant.  So far, only one has been a bit rude, one has not cared what he’s flashing, and one has just said an off-handed comment.  One got my cheeks to go pretty rosy.  Among the compliments and good advice, he said that he’d date me if he were younger.  Yeah, he’s 80.  Haha!  He’s my favorite so far, though, just sweet and harmless like a grandpa would be. 

I like the educating.  Actually, I love to do diet educations so I’m really happy that I have floors where the doctor’s request them regularly.  It’s more patient interaction, which I want, and it’s a good way to see what the patient knows and what the patient is really doing with their diet.  Trying to find the disconnect in about 10 minutes time doesn’t always happen but it’s still an enjoyable conversation.

I like my boss and co-workers.  The office space is kind of small for so many RDs but it’s nice to be in my own world, in a sense, but still be able to collaborate over patient needs.   Everyone is really nice, and I’m getting to know the nurses of my floor, too.  The nurses tell me about different patients and are getting comfortable with me, since I’m technically replacing an RD who went to another part of the hospital.  I have big shoes to fill, I’m afraid, but they seem to like me so far!

I like the job perks, such as paid lunches because I will never forget my lunch again!  I also love being able to bike to work! 

Oh, I’m sure I’m missing stuff but you get the picture.  God has me right where He wants me and I’m happy! :)