Confession Time...

Confession: I’m a people-pleaser. 

I don’t want to disappoint anyone, I want everyone to be happy, and I don’t want to be the reason for the opposite of either of those things.  It’s kind of like a sickness.

When I do something for myself, I usually feel guilty or sometimes selfish.  Lately, I’ve been trying to rightly do things for me.

Confession: I don’t like when people are passive aggressive.

Why do others shoot daggers with their eyes or do other things to convey their disgust with your actions or words instead of just coming to you to speak about the problem??  They don’t know the situation completely, usually, and sometimes it’s absolutely none of their business.  They make you feel bad for making a decision.  Things make sense in your head but possibly makes the other person feel like they’re in a bind.  Sorry, but I’m not sorry.  Come talk to me in person.

Confession: I am selfish.

With only myself to be responsible for, I have the luxury to do what I want, when I want.  Yeah, it’s nice, but I also have to have checks to make sure I’m not being that person.  You know, the one who always has to get their way, who is always right, or who is always thinking the world revolves around them.  I have my friend’s voice saying, “It’s not always about you, Jessie” ringing in my ears.  I’m glad she said it, even though it’s always hard to swallow. 

Confession: I’m stubborn.

Once I’ve made up my mind, I’ve made up my mind.  I like to talk things out, though, and more times than not it’s just to get my thoughts out.  My mind is made up.  I appreciate anyone who will listen and give advice or suggestions when prompted.  To be fair, there are times when someone creeps in and changes my mind or someone gets a word in beforehand to sway me…  eh, good luck.  Work in progress, I suppose.

Confession: I have an opinion.

Sometimes I vocalize my opinions too much (and it gets me into trouble), while other times I don’t say anything at all but thoughts are reeling in my head.  For the former, I’m trying to be better about not giving unsolicited advice.  That’s hard.  I need to decipher between Jessie thoughts and God thoughts.  I’d much rather say something to someone that God wants me to say.  For the latter, it sometimes helps for me to be explicitly asked what I think in a group setting, for example.  It’s kind of nerve-wracking to be put on the spot like that but sometimes that’s the only way I speak [up].  I’ve grown in this area as I’ve gotten older but still need help.  Then, of course, a lot of the time, I feel like I need to take time to gather my thoughts and say what I really want and in the manner or tone I want.  Yeah, my opinionated self can be too much.  As a friend said, “I need to murder self, not just die to self!”