If You Want to Love Someone

"If you want to love someone
Search their soul for where it's broken
Find the cracks and pour your heart in
If you want to love someone."

This is the chorus of the lovely song entitled, "If You Want To Love Someone" by Jason Gray, of which I've listened to countless times and love it still.  It's meaning is deep if you pay attention to the words, and even more so tonight for me, as I reflect on the day's events as well as the past week.  Truly, as I heard it play right before starting to write this blog, I thought it perfect to begin what I wanted to blog about, which is bad days, loss, and how it's made better.

Bad day:
Last week, work was less than stellar.  In fact, this past Friday took the cake as the worst day since being here in SD.  Long story short, I felt inadequate due to a couple Providers going off on me or dismissing what I was saying.  It took me a little bit to process it, but, in the end, I know those people's opinions don't matter and that my identity is not as a Dietitian so I don't have to take what they say to heart.  Still, I'm not dismissing my disappointment and day ruined feeling, just decided it didn't have to ruin my entire day and make me mope about (too badly).

First off, my co-workers displayed their awesomeness and their love for me by "going to bat" for me while talking on the phone to said Provider, verbally encouraging me, patting me on the back, motioning they love me (think hands made into a heart), and listening to me voice my hurt and concern.  Then we laughed the night away, starting the weekend off right with a co-worker dinner followed by delicious ice cream.  Love them!  Second, I thought about it and decided, "Yes, I am a Dietitian and I love being one.  I know what I'm doing.  I have a brain and I am going to use it.  I am going to ask questions and pursue what I think is right until proven wrong (hopefully graciously and in a "teachable moment" kind of way -- those are so great and beneficial!)."  God has given me everything in this life that I live, so I will try to not let someone else's put down or backlash bring me down.  Side note, I approached another Provider about the solution to a problem I had previously been dismissed about and was met with a "I was thinking along those lines, too" response.  Happy day! 

Loss:
My boss lost her father this week and the viewing was this evening.  My co-workers, their significant others, and I went to support our boss.  Though I have not experienced losing my father, I have experienced the loss of a close family member, and I know that my boss appreciated us coming.  We didn't know anyone but her, her husband, and her step-son, but we went because we love our boss and know her heart is hurting. 

Not that we can do anything in particular or say anything specific to "make it all better," whatever that means... because that "made better" feeling takes time and most definitely takes something we can't even provide, which only comes from God, I think.

That song concludes with:

"Somehow You had a way of seeing
Just how deep my wound could go
Oh but You were never scared
To run and meet me there
And that's how I know

If you want to love someone
Search their soul for where it's broken
Find the cracks and pour your heart in
That's what You did…
If you want to love someone"

Made better:

The song points to God not being scared (though we, as humans, are), coming to meet us where we are (despite how we hide or avoid or brush under the rug, etc. instead of going to God), and searching our heart for the brokenness (so that He can make us whole, just like when we accept Christ's work on the cross to have a relationship with God again). 

So powerful.  So good.

My co-workers and friends love me, which is shown in so many ways from teasing, check-ins, phone calls or texts, plots to keep me here in SD, and fun outings.  I pray I return the favor. 

We love our boss, so we are going to try our best to find the crack and pour into it.  Ultimately, I pray she and her family find peace, comfort, healing, answers, whatever they need, from God.