Big Brothers

Year after year, I get to stop and think of my brothers, especially my oldest.  I paused today, on the day of his death, to not only call my Mom and talk about him but to also think: it's weird that some people don't even know that I have any siblings.  They only know me.  Then some only know Jacob, who blessed me by face-timing yesterday with me.  But then there are some very fortunate souls who have known both Jordan and Jacob.

It's also strange when a small portion of your day just freezes but the day goes on.  People have no idea what you're thinking or even to ask about what happened so long ago.  It just seems so immediate in that moment.

That happened today.  But there are other moments I think of my brother Jordan, like when a veteran recently died and the casket was being brought down the hallway or when a family member reads the annual poem on holiday.  I guess I think about him most when I hear or see other deaths, though.

During the day, as I said, I thought about the fact that  some people have no idea I had a brother and about the fact that he will not get to meet important people in my life until we join him in heaven.  I know my other family members feel the same.  That is sad.

As I write this, though, I think of the fact I never question that he loved me dearly or was proud of me because he always told me so.  He was also so lavish with compliments on how pretty I was and lavish with hugs and kisses.  I didn't realize how spoiled I was back then, and it does pain me that I took it for granted.  Wish I could get a hug now...

Jordan was so special.  He was loved by many and truly touched everyone he came in contact with.  There are countless stories from countless people who all sing the same song.  That is amazing.  I hope whenever I go that my life will prove no different.