India

The medical trip I was so fortunate to go on came up again yesterday, so the good memories came flooding back!  It also reminded me that I never did get those thank you cards out to my supporters.  Whoops!  If I had, here’s what it would have said:

The trip to India was just incredible!!  There’s too much to say about God’s goodness, protection, love, provision, and joy among many things displayed during the trip.  Some major factors that made my time in India so impactful include

1)  the team – 21 different individuals made the medical and dental teams, each with a specific job.  We got along so well!  Everyone was willing to serve and not argue.  It was absolutely refreshing.  I was on the dental team as an assistant, which was awesome because I go to see a completely different profession and got to know my Godly team members well.

2)  the team we partnered with – they fed us, transported us, and lodged us when necessary.  They interpreted for us as well and just made things seamless, which was due to a lot of work before we even set foot in country.  Seeing their work and vision along with their hearts for their own people was encouraging and special.

3)  the Indian people – each person we were able to provide services for (a little under 3,200 people in 7 different villages in 3.5 days!) were so very appreciative.  For dental, the Indians were brave.  All the long days were definitely worth it when you saw the look of gratitude and relief on their faces.

4)  you – I was blown away by who supported me (with finances and prayers) and how much people gave.  It was definitely a faith-builder to become fully funded to go!  I am so humbled and grateful to have gone and all thanks in part to you!

A lot of memories were made, new friendships forged, and a lot of personal and spiritual growth happened.  I have no doubt more will come from the trip in the future as God uses it and me!  

Aunts

I have some of the best aunts! I realized this while enjoying their company, and the company of the rest of my family, last Christmas.  Each one is amazing and brings a different perspective for me to glean from.  Not only that, they have raised some pretty great kids, whom I enjoy and am proud to call my cousins, and, more directly, they've also helped to mold me.

Whether trying to get my grandmother to sit down and enjoy the holiday meal, bringing a delicious dish to share, laughing at the family craziness, or just simply being present at family gatherings and special occasions, my aunts have been a consistent and positive presence in my life.  All of them have had different influences on me, all of which are positive.  One aunt in particular helped by being more of a mom, since my real mom had to be away from the family for a time with my older brother for his transplant.  I distinctly remember my aunt helping me and my other brother with homework, cooking us meals, and letting us watch TV and eat snacks. She definitely won "the cool aunt" award for that interim time!

Still to this day, all my aunts engage me by asking how I'm doing, checking in on work and life, and by just having good, adult conversations -- since we can more now! We talk about work (the good, bad, and ugly), about travel (always good and so fun!), and about the past (remember when Uncle ____ did ____?!), and they don't bug me about dating (hallelujah)! They are pretty great.

I actually decided awhile back that I was going to try and reach "cool aunt" status when the time came. You know, be the aunt who buys awesome gifts or goes on sweet trips with the nieces and nephews.  I mean, I'd basically just like to not be the "crazy aunt" that you wonder about.

Now that I've thought about it, I have some big shoes to fill or, rather, some super examples to go off of, and I practice with my best friend's little girls right now.  I think I'm doing alright :)  ...At least they love me ("When's Miss Jessie goin' be here?") and I adore them!  I suppose the real test will be when my nephew (!) arrives late this August!!  Yep, that's right.  The time has come, and I'm so excited!!

That Moment

 

Whether good, bad, funny, or ugly, we all have moments. They come and go so quickly. Do you relish them? Do you notice them? Do you think of them later?

I've pretty much had each moment listed below in the past few months of this crazy year. With more to come!

That moment when you...

hear the alarm go off

think of that clever comeback

smile and laugh at yourself

stood up for yourself

feel smug

see a friend after a long time apart

know someone's got your back

see a super cute guy

feel invincible

feel a fart coming but there's no escape

remember something after getting warm and comfy in bed

remember you left the laundry in the washer

see something ridiculous

think "did that really just happen?!"

shoot the breeze with unlikely people

win

eat deliciousness

quench your dying thirst

That moment when you cross the finish line

meet your goal

wear new shoes

go barefoot

get a call or text from a crush/love

finish a "catch up" phone call

almost get into a wreck

realize your friend isn't so innocent

run in the rain

let loose in the dance floor like no one is watching

speed over a bump and your stomach lurches

That moment when you want to give up

laugh so hard you cry

think it's all for nothing

realize you're liked

are surrounded by those whom you love and enjoy

realize things could be worse

That moment when you stop caring what others think

are truly yourself

need a hug

wish you were smarter

hear a tragic story

pass the test

hear another person you know is battling cancer

feel left out


That moment when you realize you miss writing. ...so I'm writing again :)

Disappointment

I understand why God wiped out the earth, to a small extent.

“The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.  And the Lord was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.  So the Lord said, ‘I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am sorry that I have made them.’”

I was recently told by someone who had read the story of Noah and the flood that they knew it, they had heard the story before.  Yeah, same here. 

It literally just donned on me, though, as to why God flooded the earth and killed all animals and men except the animals in the ark and Noah and his family. 

Disappointment.

God created man and loved man, and what was man doing?  Wickedness and evil continually.  Continually!!  Dang.  No wonder He got rid of everyone!  I know that I don’t like when someone doesn’t respond to a text or blows off an outing or is rude or is passive aggressive or doesn’t remember my name…  Think of anything that people do that annoys you and viola!

Let’s be clear, I’m not going to kill anyone.  Yet God is just and did kill people with the flood and then promised not to flood the earth again.  However, I’m more than positive He has plenty of reasons to blot us out again.  Because, let’s face it, people are selfish, self-centered, rude, passive aggressive, out right aggressive, forgetful, know-it-alls, arrogant, stingy, mean, uncaring, disinterested, full of complaints, full of themselves, one-uppers, lazy, etc.  Thank goodness God is gracious…

The reality for me right now is that I’m disappointed.  Disappointed with friends.  Disappointed with co-workers.  Disappointed with family members.  Disappointed with nurses.  Disappointed with patients.  And, of course, disappointed with myself.   Unfortunately, with disappointment comes hurt, anger, and a wealth of other negative feelings and emotions.

Life seems to bring disappointment after disappointment from every sphere of life at the moment, not just from people.  I’m taking a beating and it’s getting really old.

Life may be full of disappointments.  Life may make me want to curl up into a little ball and do nothing.  Life may be hard.  Like really hard.  All the time.  Life may make me want to give up on people and stow away.  Life may be different than what I thought it would be.

I have a pretty good idea the source for several of my current disappointments but the answers to “why?” or “for how long?” or “what can I do about it?” are most definitely not clear or known.

Two things come to mind: a passage and a hymn.   Romans 5:1-5 and “In Christ Alone”

God have mercy.

Drive

Let me be brutally honest.  I don’t like to drive and my life feels like a small wreck right now.

I have decided that saying that I hate to drive is too strong, but I definitely don’t like it. 

Blame the terrible wrecks I was in as a child or the even more terrible and scary wrecks as an adult.  Blame the semi trucks.  I mean, who doesn’t get freaked out when passing them anyway!  Blame the boredom that comes during super long journeys.  Definitely blame other drivers.  Blame the close calls of going below E.  Whoops!  Blame the sitting and doing nothing when I like to be active.  Blame the lack of road trips in my life.

Granted, driving is a necessary evil.  Obviously you have to get from point A to point B and those points usually aren’t walk-able or bike-able.  Sad day.

Really though, there are just so many pros and cons to driving for me. 

MAJOR con: other drivers.  Duh.

There are definitely some idiots on the road:

     The Speedsters.  They’re just crazy and may have a death wish.

     The let-me-turn-on-my-blinker-for-one-blink-and-then-get-over-in-front-of-you.  Clearly that small space is for my car.  Good gracious!  Let’s not think about the fact that if anyone slammed on their brakes for whatever reason so many people would be toast.

     The Tailgaters. ‘Nough said.

     The Elite (i.e. super annoying) Tailgaters.  You’re like, “Dude, I’m already going literally 20 mph over the speed limit.  Get off my back!”

     The Slowpokes.  Of course you always get behind them when you need to be somewhere in a timely manner.

     The you-most-definitely-should-NOT-be-in-the-fast-lane.  You ain’t going that fast; get over.

     The “What are you doing?!” or “What. Are. You. Doing?”  I say this in several ways to another car for a myriad of reasons but it can be, “Oh.  You’re on your phone or texting or trying to do anything but drive!  Got it.”

     The turn-off-your-stupid-brights.  Trust me, I see you.  And you’re obnoxious.

Then there’s all the construction and oh so much traffic.  All the freakin’ time!  It’s never ending.  How could the roads possibly be that bad?!  How could there be so many people on the road at once?!  All the freakin’ time!

Plus, it’s weird that I tend to always get sleepy (like have fluttering eyelids) while driving.  That’s not good!  I’m the one driving.  I need to be awake.  I do the whole blare music, call someone, roll the windows down, or whatever trick but I think I just need a chauffeur. 

You know, I might enjoy driving more if I had a sports car again.  Driving my little manual around was quite fun, especially when the top was down!  So yeah, my next big purchase might just be that long awaited sports car…

I would definitely go just as fast as I am now in my non-sports car because I treat it as if is a sports car.  Doesn’t always work out…  I’ve noticed, though, that as I’ve gotten older and am more relaxed behind the wheel that I have a need for speed.  That’s not necessarily good either!  I’m actually really cautious with others in the car with me.  If it’s just me, however, it’s a whole new game.  I mean, I like to go fast.  I think there might be a direct correlation between speeding and impatience, though.  I also go faster when I’m running late like basically everyone I know.  Not saying it’s good, just that it’s unfortunately common…  Then there’s the “Ugh.  I’m going fast and you decide to pull out in front of me.  Really?!”  C’mon, you know you’ve said it, too.

There is one saving grace: cruise control.  Best invention.  Bless that inventor’s soul.

Other great things about driving would be being able to process things, listen to music, roll down the windows, and just think about things in general without much interruption.  I almost always drive alone, so what else am I gonna do?!  I’m thinking and writing (more like saying out loud to record) this blog, for example.  I usually think about people I haven’t talked to in a while and give them a ring.  Or text.  Yes, I have been known to text and drive.  It’s a terrible habit and one that should be broken.  I’ll let you know about that later.  Anyway, one of the best things is getting to my destination and seeing my family's or friend's beautiful, smiling faces :)

I suppose a time I do like to drive is when I’m not the driver, ha!  I had a carpool buddy for grad school and it was awesome!  One, we became best friends.  Two, she would drive and I would sit there and we would talk and the time would fly by.  It was wonderful.

I do also remember some really good times with my family in the car.  We didn’t ever take road trips, so one of the best memories I have is of my Dad and brothers while driving to and from church.  Oh my goodness.  There is just no way my Dad’s impromptu raps will EVER be equaled!!  Hahaha!!  Then there’s the memory of all 5 of us basically screaming at the top of our lungs to GLAD.  Never to be replicated either.

See, I just need to not be the driver.

Funny.  As soon I said that I thought of the fact that I always want to be the driver of my life, but, honestly, I need God to be the driver.  Now more than ever, it seems. 

Back to that comment of life being a wreck.  In so many ways, mine feels like one right now.  I need a good, it’s-okay-to-melt-in-my-arms, Mom-type hug.  I need to cry but that might not happen.  I need to sleep.  I need the brighter days to come quick.  I need to believe that God really is driving and that He will take care of all the crazies on the road, that He will get me through the hairpin turns, that He will help me go the speed I need to be going, and that He will help me enjoy the journey.

Because there’s no denying my cruise control is faulty at the moment.