FOMO

FOMO. 

It’s real, yo.  And I was totally called out on it!  I was texting a friend in regards to a relationship and how unsure I was about the future.  They said FOMO (stands for "fear of missing out" for those, like me, who are acronym illiterate sometimes)… and that everyone has it!

Well, that struck me, especially since I decided a few years back that I wasn’t going to live in fear.  It’s beyond crippling since it can seep into every facet of life, be it relationships, work, personal health, family, life goals, etc. etc. etc.  Fear also possibly the number one thing Satan uses against God’s children so that we don’t accomplish what we are meant to do – to love and glorify God while bringing others to Him.

If you don’t know me, I’m stubborn.  So, I decided I wasn’t going to let fear (or FOMO or whatever) win.  I stepped out and got into a dating relationship. 

Obviously, beating fear was not the reason to get into this relationship.  It was just a hurdle that needed to be overcome.  I wrestled with other things, too, which is a reason why I think getting into the relationship as well as the pre-relationship phase was good and necessary.  I answered some questions like,

“What if it doesn’t work out??”  So be it.  At least we tried.  I thought of several things: 1) as a good friend once said, “There are how many people in the world?!  And you’re only supposed to end up with one, so you’re gonna to be saying ‘no’ to a lot of people!” and 2) I figured we could still be friends even if it didn’t work since that’s my track record.  3) I might have felt like a hypocrite because I know I’ve said to a friend who would be getting into a healthy relationship, “If you really like her, go for it! You never know… and at least you tried.”

“Why even date this guy?”  To see if there’s zing-pow, of course!!  (I have a whole theory on zing-pow that only some have the privilege of knowing…)  So, I could take the time to get to know a guy who impressed me with his character and shared mutual interests and see where things went or not. 

“What if I actually fall for this guy??” (but in the sense that I fall and he doesn’t)  Déjà vu.  It will hurt but surely not as bad since I was on my guard, whether that was good or bad, I’m not sure.  Still though, there has to be some good to come from it if it did end up like that, just like the other time, even if it is just a clear “okay, you’re not for me; I can move on” kinda good.

“Am I willing to not be selfish?  I love my single life.  I can do what I want, when I want.  I also happen to like the dating life.  I can do what I want with a guy I like :)  Yes, there is give and take.  There were also schedule hash-outs to give him part of my day so that we could get to know one another.  It worked out in a good way.

“Am I willing to open up?”  Boy, isn’t it easy to tell someone only what you want them to know?  It might be even easier these days with social media.  Everyone has skeletons in the closet and is scared of rejection.  For me, I think that I’m more of a cracked open book.  I will answer questions honestly and pretty much to their fullest extent if prompted.  In other words, I’m not good at just offering up information (unless they shared something that I have a similar story on or I write it in this blog, apparently, haha!).

New questions will come as I move forward, since every guy is different as well as the time I meet them, and these questions will most likely be re-visited.  Thankfully, I've at least thought about them.

In the end, I don’t regret getting into the relationship neither do I regret getting out of the relationship.   Both of these were good for me and for him, in the long run.

I know I can live my life in fear not just in relationships, as I highlighted here.  However, I also know that I don’t want to live in fear nor do I have to.  Realizing what the real issue, what the root cause of the fear truly is and then tackling it with God is the only way to go about it.  I’m a work in progress to be sure yet have the best One molding me!

Talent

I’ve noticed more and more amazingly talented friends all around me!  I love it!!  I mean, c’mon, there are some crazy, awesome talents that people possess.  Some may say it’s a calling, a passion, or a hobby.  Whatever label you want to slap on, it’s awesome.  Flaunt it. ;)

Recently, I was able to enjoy the production of Mary Poppins at my church.  It was incredible!  Granted, I like theatre. (Thanks Mom and high school!)  Still, there was no denying the talent that covered the stage, that had put that stage together with all the scenes and props, that had made or created all the fun costumes, or that had filled my ears with beautiful music.  Not only was everything and everyone from the church congregation, which is a bit mind-blowing considering how top-notch it was, but it was also grand to point out different friends during the show, especially since I had no idea some of them even did theatre, as in sang or acted!

Another realm that I’ve noticed people’s talent is in sports.  I just started playing co-ed soccer and, although I played in high school (a long time ago… okay, maybe too long ago), this might have been a mistake.  It’s humbling to be sure.  I mean, the games are a double-edged sword.  They bring back memories of playing when I was decent, and they allow me to watch other, more talented players.  At this point, I’m definitely not going to be labeled the best, most talented player so just plan on getting a good workout while watching the real talent and getting to know some new people.

All of this makes me think of the friends I was/am able to see in the flesh do what they’re good at and what they love, such as

running  (races galore from the bestie)

acting  (so many productions I can’t even count them)

playing sports  (watching rugby comes to mind… only one friend could handle that sport)

making music  (theatre-like or bands – legit or wannabe)

singing  (think senior recitals, church services, or singing with the radio)

dancing  (ballet, contemporary, hip-hop… you name it, all beautiful)

decorating  (mom with interiors, bestie with a classroom and delicious cupcakes :)

artwork  (from paintings to signature signs to card making)

public speaking  (I still think my brother is one of the best I've heard)

being funny  (you’ll be an all-star in my book if I laugh hard and/or consistently)

story-telling  (no explanation needed, right?)

calculations  (i.e. math; my dad still amazes me, that engineer…)

cooking or baking  (mmm, deliciousness; I’m spoiled by a professional chef, I know)

massages  (omg)

teaching  (you always remember the best… and worst, haha!)

I know these aren’t all the ways people display their talents.  The sky’s the limit, right?  Find what you love and go for it!

As I write this and as I thought about what I wanted to write about, it donned on me that I don’t think I have a talent, like one strong, standout one.  I have a lot of interests and think I’m able to do many, different things.  Hmm, maybe it’s the “I’m good at a lot of things but not great at any one of them” kinda things.  Oh, well.  I'm so very happy with how God's made me :)

So, I’m going to continue to enjoy my many passions and enjoy other’s, too.

And You Can Quote Me

Me: “I’m sort of celebrating my birthday month by putting up quotes every day [on FB].”

Guy: “Celebrating your birthday MONTH?!  That’s a thing??”

Me: “Well, yeah…”

It is for me!  At least this year.  So, August has seen the most FB activity from me in a very, very long time.  

I’ve never done this before.  I mean, last year I celebrated my birthday week and thought that was going a little crazy.  Granted, I was traveling and having a grand time seeing friends and the sites, so, of course, I loved it and didn’t want the week to end. 

There’s only been one other person that I’ve known to vocally and unashamedly celebrate his birthday for the entire month.  To me, my month-long celebration is subtle.  Surprisingly, it’s done some things I didn’t exactly expect.  It's helped me to listen better and look out for some good times during the day. 

Not that I’m only listening for the “best quote” all the time or that I’ll only talk to you to get a good line.  Trust me, it just happens.  People are hilarious or insightful or both.  Reminds me of a quote… “Be profound, funny, or quiet.”  Haha!  So yeah, if you can make me laugh, think deeply, or touch me with a kind word, it is more likely to go on my wall and stay in my head and heart.

Beauty, Brains, and Brawns

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

“A rare woman indeed is beautiful from a male perspective and favored by other women.”

“Beauty attracts the eye but personality captures the heart.”

My friend sent a small group of women an article to read about beauty, body image, and the like.   I liked the article that captured the moments and thoughts of several real life women with different body shapes and different personalities yet the same struggles.  They wrote about their bathing suit photo shoot without any photoshop afterwards.  The article is here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/heres-what-victorias-secret-swimsuits-look-like-on-real-wome?utm_term=.qpqLpW344&fb_ref=mobile_share#.agwWLdP2J

After reading it, I responded to the group email with this:

Thanks for the article!  Just the other day, I texted my Norman bestie saying that I wanted to cry when I looked in the mirror because I thought I looked so very fat!!  All I focused on was my pudge and rolls and... every thing I think is wrong with my body.  I've never wanted to cry about it (hope that doesn't ever happen) but it does go to show that I need a different mindset and to not believe the lies of the devil, which can even come through mass media.  Reading the article and seeing the pictures helps puts things into perspective and reinforces that women everywhere think along the same lines, whether for good or bad.  I just want to be healthy and I hope all you ladies will help me, and I will try to help you as best I can, too!  Love you all!

Some other responses were as follows:

“We are so mean to ourselves! AND a happy girl is a pretty girl to most guys!”

“The Lord has blessed us with health and beauty and, you’re right, to believe the opposite is a lie.”

The struggle is real.  I know men and women suffer from body image issues, trying to look beautiful/handsome in someone else’s eyes, obsessing about capturing one's “good side,” putting on enough weight to look big or losing enough to look thin and desirable, etc.   These bring on eating disorders, altered mental status, unrealistic expectations, and more.  I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons as to why it happens like wanting control or buying into marketing ploys, and I want to fight it.

I didn’t realize that I’m making progress until now, while stopping to think about what to write on.   It didn’t happen over night, trust me.  And it was hard work and still is because I’m not quitting!  I decided to think of myself as God sees me, as His beautiful child who is wonderfully made.  I also did my due diligent to pinpoint what I wasn’t particularly happy with and then what I was going to do about it.  Voila!  After some reading, I decided to try re-vamp my workout and my diet, as in, be a bit stricter. 

Happy to say, it's going well.  I feel pretty and healthy (despite battling who knows what beyond a cold turned sinus infection!).  I’m beginning to believe the “muscular and very pretty” description given to me by a co-worker.   I’m looking in the mirror and accepting my body shape while seeing beauty, pizzazz, muscles, and more.

Just last weekend even, I felt beautiful.  I went to a wedding and was able to see family and friends, and, since it was a special occasion, I tried to go all out!  I wore a new, little black dress complete with heels, a pretty up-do, and as much make-up as I could handle (My Mom teases that she can’t tell that I have any on when, in fact, I do!).  I decided that this doesn’t happen a ton, so I did my own mini photo shoot.  No filters or whatever.

Yay for right thinking!  And the ability to laugh at yourself while being silly!

Edward Scissorhands

You’ve seen the movie Edward Scissorhands, right?  I saw it way back when.  I remember the day I was told Johnny Depp played Edward and had my mind blown.  About 3 weeks ago, one of my patients reminded me of him and I was just plain creeped out! 

It was the eyes.  The hollow, distressed eyes that were surrounded by pale, sickly skin just did me in!  The patient also couldn’t talk so would motion or make noises; he was not always the most pleasant.  I remember times when I’d go check on him and be thankful for coming at nap time.  Another time I came in and the patient reached out an arm toward me, kind of grabbing me, and then used me to help pull their body up more on the bed.  It was a bit freaky to have an arm reaching out to grab you, especially with those eyes pelting you. 

As time went on, I started to see drastic changes, for the better.  Normalcy was coming! The eyes became less hollow and the skin became less ashen and more peachy.  A voice was regained and, by the end of the stay, real food was being eaten and complete sentences were being heard!

That’s quite remarkable to see but there’s one instance I will never forget and several lessons learned I hope to never forget.  The instance was during a visit in which the patient spoke basically one word between wheezes.  Still had an Edward Scissorhand-esque look going on and I was still a bit intimidated.  This visit, when the patient saw me come into the room, they unwrapped a hand and grabbed mine.  I didn’t know what was wanted or what was going to happen (again, a little freaky) but I just let the patient hold my hand.  And that’s all they wanted, just to hold my hand and tell me that they wished their son would come to the hospital to visit.     

My heart hurt!  I wished the son would come to visit.  I prayed.  I also prayed for myself because felt very foolish for being so freaked out and intimidated by such a sweet old person.  It reminded me that everyone needs and wants to be loved.

It also made me think that there’s no way of knowing what people think of me or what they say about me.  Heaven forbid I receive a negative comment but I know it happens.  For myself, I just wish I didn’t do it period. 

I recently had this more concretely drilled into my head when a friend was speaking about a mutual acquaintance and made a rude comment about the person’s smarts or lack thereof.  Stunned, I thought I would maybe think such a thing but not say it out loud!  Both are the wrong things to do.  People make mistakes, say silly things, get flustered, don’t listen to instruction well, etc. etc. that may warrant a questionable look but, really, they don’t deserve it.  Giving a look or making a snide comment doesn’t help them or you. 

I looked at my patient like a deer-in-headlights because their appearance scared me and that was wrong.  They couldn’t help it, and the patient needed my help get well.  In the same way, maybe that mutual friend needs someone’s help or maybe just someone to acknowledge strengths and not weaknesses. 

That patient has been a favorite and is now out of the hospital and out of my care.  The son never came, to my knowledge, but other family members did.

Now then, there are a lot of sick people in my hospital.  There are a lot of hurting people there, too.  Yet, sick and hurting people aren’t just in the hospital but all around me.  I hope to be a light for them in order to bring them to the true Light.