The Friendguy or Friendgirl

Thumbing through the 'ol FB feed, I spot several photos, updates, or articles that I "like" or click on to read.  One recent, "Hmm, this looks interesting. Click." was about relationships, specifically how guys treat ladies like a "friendgirl."

The article "Your Friendgirl Deserves Better" by Joshua Rogers can be found here:

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/your-friendgirl-deserves-better

I re-posted it without expecting any "likes," comments, or shares, honestly.  But the "Hmm, this looks interesting" also got others (much like your clicking on this blog link, eh?).  However, I think it's also because we can all relate to being the "friendguy" or "friendgirl."  Furthermore, while the article focuses on the dudes, no one escapes the admonishment.  Girls and guys are both the victims and the perpetrators.

I said, "Could have written this myself but wasn't blogging then, yet still on guard of it happening again. Good read and reminder!"  This is true.  Whether in high school, college, or grad school, this has happened.  It was fun in the moment but then I just felt used.  Now post-schooling, I think and hope I'm more conscientious to not let it happen to me or by me.

Since I've felt like I've been lead on or have just hung around too long hoping something would happen someday, I definitely play more heavily on the defense.  If I don't see it going somewhere, I break it off really soon.  Maybe too soon in some cases, but, in the end, I'd rather not waste their time or my time.  Simple as that.  As another friend put it, "Our culture does still encourage women to wait for men to initiate, but if he hasn't, move on." 

She also said, "Read the book 'He's Just Not that Into You' and do something that screams that you love yourself and are worth loving."  I have not read that book but I might, and I definitely do things for me and know that I'm worth loving.  Surely someday some guy will be able to keep up with me :)  Granted, it also helps that I know what I want in a guy, I know my worth, I know what I will and will not put up with, I know that I'm okay with saying "see ya later, bye!" for forever in a nice way, and I know that I can still be a non-awkward friend if the romantic part doesn't pan out.

To play devil's advocate, in a sense, a friend of mine said she loved being the friend because she "loved knowing how the other side thought, having someone have my back and treat me and show me the way I wanted to be treated long term.  I was able to see what kind of guys I meshed well with and ones I didn't."  So true.  They can do all of that.  I mean, let's be real.  Guy friends are awesome!  I can't think of a time when I didn't have a great group of guys to do homework with, go to sporting events with, grab a bite to eat with, do something fun on campus with, do really crazy, silly stuff with, have deep conversations with, etc.  I've had some of the best and most fun times with them.  Besides, they lend a "guy's perspective" when I need it, offer wise advice, and lay it out pretty simply most of the time. 

My friend went on to say that she probably wouldn't have started dating her now husband had they not been great friends beforehand.  This is what most girls want -- to date and marry their best friend.   

She also said that it was her choice to have the friendship and her choice to give her heart away, speaking of the time she was the "friendgirl."  Of course, this is true.  Everyone chooses who they like, how long they hold on, or whether they string someone along.  And that choice is hard, I know. 

I like what she said at the very end a lot: "Want the friendship?  Say it.  Want the relationship? Say it."  I think too many times we don't even tell the other person what we want or expect, hoping they'll figure it out.  Sometimes it is plain to see and that's great for everyone.  For me, I guess I'm old-fashioned in that I'm going to let the guy initiate, but I don't think that that is wrong or bad.  In my experience, if someone really wants something, they go for it.  So, if a guy really wants a girl, he goes for her.  Perfect example: a guy friend told me about driving a very, very long distance just so that he could spend the day with the girl he liked and ask her if she'd date him.  I give him huge, huge props for making such an effort to show her his interest and seriousness and to actually ask her.   Another example is of a friend here in SD who met her guy 2 weeks before he left the state.  I thought I had misheard her but no.  He literally met her and 2 weeks later had to leave, but they're still together after 3 years now.  I love that they're together and that a long-distance relationship, though not ideal, can work if both parties make the commitment. 

Read this blog post.  Read the original article.  Form your own opinion or agree with what's been said.  Decide if you're "the friend" and okay with it.  Decide if you're going with friendship or something more.