Wants

"I hope you find everything you want" was said to me the night before leaving for SD.  I didn't forget but I didn't have a clue how it would unfold.

I did find what I want.

I want a boss who pushes me, mentors me, is knowledgeable and approachable, critiques me, has fun, supports me, and allows me to flourish.  I want co-workers who support me, make me laugh, love me for being me, ask for advice, problem solve with me, encourage me, keep complaining to a minimum, and let me into their lives outside of work.  I want to live in a city that is thriving, offers activities galore to do, is close to family and good friends, has good running routes, is bike-friendly, and provides a solid community.

So, now that I'm a week away from leaving SD (and it will possibly be a hard week), it's very bittersweet because SD did give me all the above minus being close to family and some of my best friends.  More than that, though, it didn't offer the crucial long-term, full-time job.  And that's okay.

I realized that I love SD and have loved my time here.  I found that most everyone fell in love with me ;)  I mean, I had someone just today say they're going to miss me when I'm gone and others have stated they don't want me to go basically since week 1!  I made forever friends and will try to visit whenever I can.  But it's not home.

Home is in Texas.  It's my homebase for stability in order to not become a complete nomad and for the fact that I really do like FW and all that it holds for me.  It's definitely home right now because my family and some super close friends are so near.  And I'm looking forward to a good amount of time there before the next assignment I do or the next adventure that comes my way.

It's just that I want a lot of things, as you can see, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  I just don't know how feasible it is to get them all in one place.  I mean, I've lived in Texas for 2 years and have grown to like the city, hate the allergies I've acquired, love the friends I've made, love seeing my brother weekly, and cherish seeing my best friend (and, consequently, my alma mater) on a monthly basis.  However, I also grew to not like my full-time job that much, found it hard to meet the "right" guy, and became disconnected from community.  Those things are important, especially since I spend half my time at work and then the other half, it seems, doing stuff with friends.

My bestie said, "My opinion on traveling is that it is wonderful and exciting but not as your life.  I think God has so much richness planned for us in being part of a Christian community and in faithfully investing in lost people, perhaps for years, without possibly seeing the fruits of it.  That's really hard to do without establishing roots.  I think about the beginning of Jeremiah 29, where His people are exiles in a land but he commands them to intentionally do life there.  Having great experiences in travel, I think, cannot possibly compare with having Christ!"

Yes, traveling is wonderful and exciting but not for life.  It will end at some point  because...  Yes, taking root somewhere and being a part of a solid community is a good thing.  It will surely happen again, probably and hopefully in FW.

As I've said before, the reality is that I'm still looking for everything I want: the RD job I want, the boss and coworkers I want, the next adventure I want to take, the guy I want to share life with, the place I want to call home that's close to family and good friends.  Maybe it will all come together one day.  Maybe it won't.  I will still choose to be faithful and positive and to believe God has the best for me.