Stress Ball

When you hear yourself say things like "I'm that poor, unfortunate soul" or "Wait, what? What's that??" ... "Well, I didn't know that, obviously…" and "It's just been a fiasco." along with "I'm just a little stress ball!" all in the same conversation, you know you're in some real, deep sh!t.

I rarely cuss so you know it's a big deal.  Also, it's especially humbling (Yes, I'll say humbling here) when you're saying those statements to someone on the phone whom you don't even know.  I mean, I literally started the conversation by introducing myself and saying that he'd never met me.  Furthermore, I'll have you know, it is a lot more difficult to coordinate things you need to get done or things you need to have arrive at a particular place at a particular time when you are physically going to be in five different states within five days.  Yes, that's correct.  Trying to predict where I will be sometimes is a feat in and of itself.   And that's no joke.

Ugh.  I used to being so on top of things!  I do not know what has happened.  I knew it could happen, this particular event, but blanked. Actually, I thought it would happen about a year from now, so I had plenty of time.  Then I got the email saying that it was around the corner…  Cue deer in headlights.  I didn't know what to do first!  I had waited too long and got to scrambling for things at the last minute.  I'm sure we can all relate.  Not good.  Ugh. 

At this point, I don't even feel like I should get what all the commotion is about, which is a promotion in  he Army.  I don't have my stuff together, so why should I be promoted?! 

For this particular scenario of trying to get my affairs in order, it felt like anything that could go wrong definitely did.  For starters, my uniform alterations were off.  Instead of taking out an inch in the waist, the lady took it in an inch!  I tried it on and said, this is a lot tighter... (I don't think I've gained that much weight!).  Then, as I was picking it up, I had to pee so bad because I had been driving for hours.  Of course the shop didn't have a "public" restroom, so my eyeballs were floating while I tried to focus and to understand a little Asian lady whom I felt was totally shanghaiing me (like highway robbery)!  If that weren't enough, I wasn't sure what the heck to get or where to get it.  The shop that was supposed to have everything most definitely did not.  The cherry on top was my mailing blunder -- picking the wrong shipping type so the package didn't arrive in time.  Wow.  Face palm.  I can't win. 

It's times and situations like this where I go back-and-forth on whether to just trust God or do everything in my power I possibly can to make things work.  I usually pick the latter.  I know I have to do my part for life to happen (like going through all the paperwork applying for a job because otherwise I don't have a chance of getting it) but I tend to rely too much on myself.  This reveals many things, such as the fact that I'm not perfect.  And I never will be.  It also shows that I'm human and need a Savior, Jesus' saving grace.  Every day.  Even though I've been a Christian for the majority of my life, I'm still in need of Jesus and the Gospel.  I always will be.  

Sanctification is a process; salvation is immediate.  I don't know if people realize this or not or if they realize the Christian life still isn't easy, but I guarantee you and am a living testimony that it is the best life!

It's because He gives me purpose, characteristics, values, and much more.  God also provides a solid foundation for my life; I can stand on His Word and promises since they are true and will all come to fruition.  He hasn't disappointed or dropped me yet, and He never will. 

I have to stop and think of truth from God's Word.  This isn't what I do first all the time but it should, because I always feel at peace when I give things to God and am reminded (or read) what He says.  Lately, I've been reading specific Psalms from a reading plan with my bestie.  The past couple days have been the following:

Psalm 100

1 Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! 

2 Serve the Lord with gladness!

Come into his presence with singing! 

3 Know that the Lord, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. 

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving,

and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! 

5 For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

And one of my most favorite :)

Psalm 19

1 The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. 

2 Day to day pours out speech,

and night to night reveals knowledge. 

3 There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. 

4 Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, 

5 which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. 

6 Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat. 

7 The law of the Lord is perfect,

reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; 

8 the precepts of the Lord are right,

rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure,

enlightening the eyes; 

9 the fear of the Lord is clean,

enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. 

10 More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. 

11 Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. 

12 Who can discern his errors?

Declare me innocent from hidden faults. 

13 Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. 

14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

So good.  I just re-read verses for it's truthful assurance. 

Besides seeing my need to turn to God, this dilemma has definitely (oh most definitely) served to provide some poignant lessons.  One of which is to be on top of things and not wait until the last minute.  Another is that I should pay the exorbitant amount of money to have something shipped more quickly, if only for ease of mind.  Ha!

It's also shown me how I deal with stress or, rather, how I want to deal with stress.  I prayed, went out to exercise, problem solved after a few deep breaths, thought about the positives, and stated things I was grateful for.  It all helped. 

It's also shown me that people can be very helpful (thank goodness for solid go-to people and nice customer service people!), and I'd like to think that it's given me perseverance and strength and other good qualities but it's really just shown me I've slacked off.  Not at all one of my brightest moments.  Live and learn. 

If I haven't just taken off a good 10 years of my life by stressing so much by trying to coordinate a mission and in the process calling a billion people (some multiple times, asking the same questions -- highly annoying, I know), then I want to use what time I have left in life to be better prepared.   Or make more money to pay for the expensive shipping ;)  I'll also, Lord-willing, have many more years to give things to God, hear the Gospel, and to be more like Christ, not a stress ball.