Workout Buddy

Despite witnessing the awesome eclipse with my free glasses (I can't believe people were selling them for so much money!  Or that people were buying them!!), today was a sad day.  Actually, I thought yesterday was a sad day but today proved slightly more so.

My friend had to leave :(  I knew it was coming, but it still came too quickly.  She has gone back to the other side of the state to finish school, so it is legit.  It just leaves me without a workout buddy, weekend activity buddy, or come-by-my-office-to-pass-the-time buddy.  

There's almost no other way to say it: God knows who you need and when!  I definitely needed her as a friend and confidant, a "let's go do this!" go-to gal and someone to graciously listen to me process life -- a lot about relationships and the agonizingly long process of getting into work mode at the new job. 

We immediately hit it off talking about exercising and hiking during orientation.  It's like we were inseparable after.  And we had a lot of fun!

She got me on target for lifting weights for specific muscle groups on different days, since she's been doing it a while.  Boy, am I grateful!  It was the kick in the pants that I needed, as I was thinking about getting a personal trainer.  Well, she definitely became that, and kept me on track!

Workout buddy:  That's working biceps.  We're not doing those today.

Me, slightly whiny:  I know… but I like this one (i.e. exercise). 

Workout buddy:  Nope.  Stop.  Do this. 

We laughed.  A lot.  When you start seeing the same people over and over at the fitness center, you get some inside jokes.  Especially if there are grunters in the room.  Haha!  Life should be fun, you know? :)

We had our "bury/muffle your laughter" moments and our serious moments.  I mean, we both got a good workout in every time it seems, and hard work pays off.  So, I am looking forward to continuing what we started in the fitness center, yet the more serious happenings went down on our hikes and at work.

It was easy to talk about life -- past, present, and future.  We discussed every topic, like flaws and struggles and where we were going and what we wanted.  We definitely talked about our love of food and enjoyed the outdoors and ice cream days together. 

She is smarter, more beautiful, younger, more fit (abs, baby!), more sarcastic, stronger, way more tough, faster, wiser.  She has it together, and she gets all the guys.  All of them.  Need I say more?  She has a fantasticly bright future ahead!  I hope I grow up to be like her :)

She is already missed.  Saying goodbye yesterday and then working out alone today on top of having no visit at work when it was slow was rough.  Thankfully, I count her as a good friend and will visit as soon as possible and pray she comes back as soon as possible after finishing nursing school strong!

That Dating Game

First off, I don't think dating is a game.  It sure does feel like it is a lot of the time, though!  Second of all, sometimes it is fun and sometimes it is not.  Thirdly, despite all the stickiness, there is a lot of goodness mixed into dating, and I'm grateful to be able to choose who "my guy" will be.

Up to this point in life in this area, it's like I can never win.  I'm not going to be the king (or in my case, the queen) winning and saying checkmate by finding the right space, making the right move(s), or having the right strategy.  It seems I'll constantly be the little pawn moving only one space at a time that's overlooked and brushed aside. 

Dramatic, I know.  Sometimes that's how it feels, while other times I could care less about dating and marriage and could just enjoy the single life for forever!  I've just never wanted to date just to date, and there are several other factors.  Still, a lot of times, it's frustrating.  I stick to my prayer of "right guy, right time," and I have my standards, my list of must-haves and preferences, my deal breakers.  I've had to say no to guys because there's always a catch, whether on my end or theirs.  I keep hearing myself saying, "He's great BUT... (insert reason as to why we're not dating)".  

You don't love Jesus?  You're out. 

Oh.  So you don't actually want to date me?  Bye. 

You're kind of a jerk.  Deuces. 

All you want is the physical aspect of a relationship?  Nope.  Don't waste my time. 

This date felt like your personal info session with a Dietitian.  Congrats and see ya!

It's all happened.  There has even been a guy who checked off everything on my list!  Like everything.  Definitely the important, big deal stuff.  I couldn't believe it.  But that "but" creeped in, as usual.  I couldn't have ever predicted it when making that list so long ago.  I guess I thought once I met a guy who matched my list then it was meant to be and we'd live happily ever after or something.  Nope.  Why?  I'll likely never know the real reason and that's okay, just chalk it up to he's not the right guy for me after all.  I mean, there's still the other person who also has a list.  Haha! 

Needless to say, I felt like it was a cruel joke by God.  I basically tried to throw my list out the window.  Now that I'm in a new place, I figure I can start fresh and, in some definite frustration from the past, I joined an online dating site.

I am not a fan.  Sure, you set your parameters and whatnot but it's still work, still saying no to a lot of guys who you don't even know why they popped up, and still questioning the process.  I feel like I got on quickly and got off even more quickly.  

I am dating now, however.  That's slightly weird to write.  Ha!  He's a guy from the Air Force base and a good one -- chivalrous, thoughtful, good values, protective, really likes me, sweet, a leader, etc.  (No, he's not a pilot).  Being with him is fun, challenging and growing in many ways, and a different way to learn more about myself.  I'm obviously learning about "my guy" as well.  

I got all bug-eyed and quasi second-guessing when we talked about sports and the Olympics one time, for example.  He doesn't really go out of his way to watch either, as in he isn't too big a fan and doesn't have a team to root for or an event to get excited about.  I don't think I've met a guy like this before and definitely not one I'm technically dating.  I literally said, "Who are you?!" half joking, hall dead serious and wondered if we were too different (this is not the first or dare I say the last thing we differ on!).  On the one hand, I can understand since I'm a fan but not a crazy fan, like I'll watch OU and love it but if I happen to miss a game, it's not the end of the world, and I don't know every stat or player that ever was.  On the other hand, I don't understand at all since sports was such a bonding experience for me with family and friends.  I'd go to all the OU sports games with friends, my family still texts during OU football games about all the plays and TD celebrations, and I vividly and lovingly remember watching sports and the Olympics with my brother growing up.   How will he survive in this world?! 

He says he'll watch an OU game with me, so we shall see.  Maybe I become a crazy fan in his mind and then he'll be the one saying, "Who are you?!" 

No matter what, I want to glorify God and continue to take things one day at a time while asking Him to give me discernment, grace, wisdom, kindness, and all that I need.  Which of course includes who I need to be with. 

Cold Turkey Changes

I'm a black and white, yes or no kind of girl.  I don't like the in between, the ambiguous, or the grey area.  This is especially true if it deals with romance.  However, I realized some other areas in life that I've become lax on recently.  I've let them slip into the space in which I unconsciously label and say, "Well, it's okay to do or not do ______ this time..."  

But it's not. 

You just have to call it like it is.  You gotta call yourself out on your own shortcomings sometimes.  And know,  if someone really cares about you, they will call you out (so you are aware of what needs to change). 

Really, I feel like it's more the Lord's conviction, especially as I am reading His Word.  That is definitely one area that has changed.  I know I should renew my mind with the Bible and I do and I'm still not perfect at it (nor will I ever be!), but it was one of those things I didn't put as a high on the priority list all the time.  Of course, I know I love Jesus and he loves me.  Praise God!  I know I should read my Bible consistently and I try.  Still, I knew I wasn't making it a "must do this every day without excuse" kinda thing like other stuff in life. 

I wasn't getting out of bed, like what?, 10 minutes early so I could be in the Word.  It can be as simple as that, I think.  I finally put my foot down and decided that that needed to change, I needed to change.  I know when I start my day out with God, it is a zillion times better.  Knowing and doing are two different things, of course.  So, I made the decision to make a change in this area and it has been really, really good!

This change is nothing crazy.  I mean, I'm not trying to quit drugs cold turkey or anything super difficult like that.  However, any schedule or behavior change is difficult at first.  I just know that if I hold other people to this standard of change for self improvement or whatever but don't do it myself, I am a hypocrite.  For example, I told my potential world travel buddy that I wanted to start each day with prayer.  It's a practice I already try to do but I would still like to be more intentional right now, to already be practicing what I want to do.  I think this concept of starting something in the present that you want to be doing in the future can be applied to anything.  If you want something, you have to plan for it or schedule time for it or implement things to reach it.  So, if you have a goal but aren't doing anything to reach it, rethink your life.

In a sense, I cold turkey started being way more intentional with my morning time with God.  I know only good things are coming from doing so, and I've already received benefits! 

Another area was my debate of getting an exercise certification and getting into shape with a legit exercise plan.  I know why I haven't gotten the certificate yet and it's kind of some silly reasons, like I want all the hours to count as continuing education and I don't to take the time to study now.  Like I said, kinda lame. For the exercise plan, it was really getting motivation to get back into the gym or to hire a personal trainer.

As I thought more about it, it just makes sense.  I should've gotten the certificate a long time ago, probably right out of college.  It's never too late, right?  Plus, I already work out basically every day so I might as well lead a class and get paid for it, right?!

So, If you haven't guessed yet, I've decided to pursue it.  I'll probably start with a cycling certification and then maybe a group exercise certification.  I'll see where I go from there and what happens! 

The exercise plan worked itself out.  Don't you just love that?!  I met a young lady one of the first days at my job and she has turned into a really good friend!  We go to the gym basically every day together and work out specific muscle groups.  It is great.  We get along well, she challenges me, and I feel like we each get in a good workout.  I will definitely hate to see her go but a good routine and a good friendship has been formed :)

I cold turkey decided to change things up!  I think good things will come from thinking "determination defeats distraction" and just putting my foot down and going for things.  Goals will be reached.

Lastly, I'm making an effort.  This is an overall sort of effort, as I think can be seen from the above examples.  Though, the twist comes with relationships and not getting hurt when others make no effort or giving up on someone when you don't understand. 

Do you ever feel like you do a lot in relationships and the other person doesn't?  I'm the type who will drive 6 hours round-trip to spend about an hour with a friend whom I haven't seen in years.  Yeah, no one has ever done that for me.  And yet, for whatever crazy reason, I will still do it.  

I think you should just love people. I think you should treat others how you want to be treated.

Then I ran into the debacle of being a judger.  Yep, that's right.  I am a hard-core judger (think Myers-brig personality types).  So, I run into problems and overthink things. 

I literally sent this to a friend a while back:

Not everyone will have a conversion story like mine, I get it.  It's still hard for me to meet people who say they believe, have a relationship with God, or whatever phrase is used, but don't live like I think they should (basically, super moral and going to church --outward things you see) or describe their faith with key words like "Jesus is Savior" "I repent(ed) of sins" "I love Jesus" etc.  I wonder if they truly understand the gospel, mainly.  I know God judges and sees the heart.  I also know someone will be known by their fruit.  It's hard not to judge or, on the other hand, to give a chance/grace but not be foolish/fooled. 

Needless to say, we all have our pitfalls and ugliness.  This is one of mine.  And I am trying kinda cold turkey to be gracious yet discerning -- most definitely with the Lord's help.

Overall, quite a bit has changed.  Not only what has already been mentioned, but other things that come to mind would be bed time and not having my phone on me during the day and bed time.  I am a night owl, but I also to get up early.  What. A.  Drag.  Enter the need for an early bed time (as I yawn while writing this).  It is necessary, but the phone is not.  My phone is just a distraction and was a source of slight anxiety, so why let it be?  There's never an emergency and I'll return someone's  message when I can, so not at all necessary to have it 24/7.  Gone and glad.  

Amidst all these positive changes comes a change of mindset, for sure.  This is key.  Likely the key.  However, I believe God is really the one making the changes, whether cold turkey or not, by seeing the changes that need to happen, placing me in a position to change, and allowing me to do so by His grace.  

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow..."

Feeling Poopy

Ever so often I get sick and feel poopy.  It's not that frequent, thankfully, but it stinks. 

For my current illness, I'm fluctuating between needing to poop and feeling as though there's nothing in me to poop.  We've all been there.  Curses!  

I mean, c'mon!  We all know you feel better after you poop or vomit, say, but neither is coming.  It's like one of the few times you're okay with either coming no matter how terrible it may be because afterwards you'll feel a little less poopy.  It's like you're saying or possibly screaming, "Just get out of me!  And let me feel better."  This was my life last night and today, likely due to eating some bad food. 

Along with my pooping dilemma, I'm fluctuating between being hot and cold.  Yes, a fever.  It was at its height last night, and I thought I was okay at different points during the day today. 

However, feeling poopy will play a gotcha game.  Just today, I caught myself saying, "If I'm too sick to go to church then I'm too sick to go hike with my friend."  Boo.  But true. 

I don't remember getting sick that much while growing up, yet I do remember that if you were sick, you weren't doing anything else.  As in, you didn't get to play sick and stay home from school or play sick to get out of something you didn't want to do but then turn around and "feel better" like a miracle had happened so you could do something you did want to do. 

A few other things that also haven't changed when feeling poopy would be the need to rest, which is hard for me, and the need for some love, which is where Mom would sweep in and save the day. 

No Mom today or hardly ever in my adult life, but I know she'd be here if she could.  Now others have taken her place.  Really, it's just nice of others to get me things, offer to do anything for me, or just chill with me.  I'm very appreciative.  

I'm feeling less poopy.  Praise God.  Because another thing about adult life that's poop is the fact that you still have to go to work the next day. 

Long Weekend, Big Reveals

You know how some holidays look seemingly the same?  Thanksgiving has the family gathering at my grandparents, too much food, lots of laughs, and a nice time to catch up on what everyone is doing.  Christmas just adds gift giving.  Fourth of July, though, is always different.  

Last year I was in SD and went to Mount Rushmore on the 4th with my twinny.  The year before that I was chilling in FW with cool kids.  As a kid, my family would watch firework shows from roof buildings or, when really young, shoot our own off at my Uncle's.  My most favorite 4th is hands down the time I was in Washington D.C. with my parents and friends standing in the Mall, watching the fireworks explode overhead so brilliantly and so closely; it was as if you reached up, you could touch them!

Some years are more memorable than others, for sure.  I think this year will be memorable because of the days leading up to the 4th, not the day itself, ironically. 

It ended up being a long weekend (and now a short work week, hallelujah!) due to a "down day" at my current job.  As it would turn out, I would have 3 or so options: I had an invite by a guy I met to do local stuff, I had the kinda last minute idea to go all the way over to Yellowstone/Grand Teton because it's so pretty, or I had the invite to go explore ND with a brand new friend.  All good, fun options!  I would not be bored or alone, yay!

As it turns out, I asked another new friend what he had going on to make small talk, if I remember correctly.  I mentioned my Yellowstone idea since the long weekend gave ample time and didn't know if that would happen again this summer.  He got excited because he had never been but wanted to go.  Decision made.  We were going to Yellowstone!   

Last minute planning ensued.  It was then that my brand new friend swung by my office, introduced herself, and invited me to ND.  I mentioned the current plan of Yellowstone and said she was welcome to join.  She got excited because that was her first idea since she's engaged and wanted to look at venues but found lodging too expensive or already booked.  Decision made.  The three of us were going to Yellowstone!

Although I've never had this happen exactly for travel buddies and we really only knew each other by name in the clinic we share as a work place, we got along swimmingly.  We enjoyed each other and the parks.  We saved money, took turns driving, had no drama, laughed and sang songs, and got to do what we wanted.  It was wonderful. 

I also gleaned some important stuff: 

1) This is life.  Go with it.  You'll love it.

 

It seemed slightly odd at first how the three of us got together.  Then again, it doesn't seem that way at all.  I have my stable friends that I love dearly but they're definitely not all around to do things with nor are they able to join the party.  I know this.  It stinks and I can't do anything about it, but I'm still going to do the things I love!  

Thanks be to God, I have "the best personality" so I'll make friends, no matter how short-lived.  I think this was sorta in the three of ours blood seeing as how we're all military.  Things change all the time!  People move, deploy, get out, retire, etc. so you just gotta enjoy the people you're around while they're around.  So, yeah, go on nice, long weekend adventures with new friends. 

2) Actions speak loudly.  Listen to what you and others are saying. 

I like to be quiet and/or be alone to talk to God, sift through thoughts and feelings, and make decisions.  Hiking is a good time for this.  I was out in the gloriously beautiful, natural surroundings looking at a moose in Moose Ponds (but of course!), running my fingers through tall grasses and flowers as butterflies flitter in the air with grace right in front of me (cue Sound of Music), soaking in the sun's rays at a spectacular point of interest (or really, "inspiration point") after a magnificent waterfall, gleefully trying to feed a tomato to a chipmunk (I know, don't feed the wildlife... I typically don't; he was just too cute!), flabbergastedly observing the vibrant, prismatic colors of the hot springs (So incredible! How did I not see them on my first visit?!), or trying to fully take in the majestic-ness of the mountains looming so elegantly in the not too far off distance (They called for me to climb them someday).  I wanted everything hiking and nature had to offer and got it.  

I also said I wanted to unplug and got it.  However, once I got it, I realized I didn't really, really want it.  My phone was on the fritz and I couldn't do much with it.  Limited communication, for sure.  Ugh.  What if I missed something?!  Come to find out, I didn't.  Haha!  Silly, Jessie.   Service came back and, it's true, if people want to talk to you, they will.  This is what others are saying. 

Furthermore, I wanted clarity on a few personal things and got it.  One being what will come in the future, which I've decided not to be anxious about since A) God is in control, B) what I think will happen more than likely won't and C) I have more important things to do with my present in order to reach my goals.  The second clarification was with dating.  Sometimes I just have to laugh and say wow ...and see where my heart really is!  Although, it's true, the heart is deceitful, so I'm going with my gut.  This is what I'm saying. 

3) Reading helps your soul.  And that heart of yours. 

After reflection outdoors as stated above and after reading my Bible and "You Are a Badass" by Jen Sincero, I knew taking the time for all these things was no mistake and would literally do me wonders.  Being outside and reading my Bible typically have immediate results of a new mindset, restfulness, a calm, an uplifted spirit, guidance, and more.  The brightly covered book I picked up and devoured will prove beneficial now and in time.  

That book pretty much put my butt in gear!  Pun intended with the title ;)  I am so motivated to do stuff!  I mean, I have big goals to reach!!  I'm going to embrace where I am, who I am, and where I want to be.  I know I'm not there right now and there's a lot to change but I'm motivated, I've decided.  

Want to travel the world?  Yes!  I'm going to make money and use it responsibly and as a good tool while sticking to my budget and planning the darn thing!  

Want to make more money?  Yes!  I'm going to explore new and different avenues (more to come) of interest to help my dream come to fruition.

Want to get past your past?  Yes!  Dig through the mess to find the root cause and get rid of it.  My mind will be renewed by Christ.  

Want to get the things you want?  Yes!  Write them down, get a plan of action, pay for professional help, mix with people you want to be like, have a mentor and/or role-model, LOVE YOURSELF, and maybe most importantly MAKE A DECISION to accomplish my goals absolutely no matter what!!

In the end, this 4th of July got me breaking out of the usual and into living life, into what I anticipate being crazy awesome.