Shut up and Color

Shut up and color.
Don't say anything. It's still in A.
Go with the flow.
Let it go.
Just play nice.

I've heard a lot of phrases like these before.  Some of them I can actually do now but it is not natural. 

I see more so now that I don't do injustices very well, whether real or imagined.  I don't exactly endure them gracefully, either.  If I did or didn't focus so much on myself, I think I might could have inched us closer to world peace!

I remember being in grade school and playing sharks and minnows.  I set my sites on the fastest kid; I was going to get him.  I was elated when I actually did!  It was slight but noticeable, reaching out my small hand in a desperate attempt to get a piece of clothing or something.  I got him right before he hit the wall to be safe, and then he turned around to face my triumphant, "I got you!" only to say he did not, in fact, get tagged.  I hit him.  "Now you're tagged," I said angrily.  Unfortunately, the teacher only saw me hit the liar in the arm and sat me in time out. 

Clearly hitting someone is not the best response to being told you are not right when you, in fact, are.  Eh, I had older brothers; I could take it.  I can say that is not my approach now nor ever after that day.

I might not have outgrown it, though.  In high school, I would insist that what I had as an answer was truly correct.  Because it was correct.  One of my favorite teachers said one day after being basically interrogated, "you still have an A."  I did care about that but I also cared about being right, if I was right (and thus getting the points).  Heck, I did it at least once in college and it worked!  That B became an A because I had the nerve to talk to the professor and  explain my thinking instead of acepting the grade I was given.

In this adult life, there are injustices and it doesn't seem to matter what I think.  I'm harshly learning to "let it go" and "shut up and color" on all sorts of levels.

I described my current status to a friend as sinking in a boat with someone you love.  You are both sinking, both in a similar bind with the same resources and desire to get out.  The problem is you have to rely on each other despite the fact they are sitting next to you in the same mess.  Another problem to see is you also need someone else to help (i.e. God).

The sinking won't last forever and I'm drifting more  and more into the "don't panic, just breathe" stage with the "look at me and repeat, 'we're going to make it'" stage coming in hot, so that's good.  Then I hope the "I see land!" part is to come, which would be terrific.

God has been there all along to help.  Do I accept the offer always?  No.  I like to hit people because I want to be right, remember?  I like to complain and think of hate letters to write, too.  "I'll give this organization a piece of my mind!!" as if that will do much of anything.  At the level I'm talking, probably not.  My grade won't change for the better... Boo.

There are a lot of things I want or want done differently.  I am not blaming myself or my significant other; I suppose I'm more upset and angry with the process/situation.  Maybe I'm just in time out, haha!

Nonetheless, I'll keep pressing on.

Philippians 3:8-14
Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One),

And that I may [actually] be found and known as in Him, not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law's demands (ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired), but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith.

[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]

That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].

Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.

I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

Just Gotta Go

After drinking about 12 cups of water in roughly 15 hours and sleeping due to being sick, I realize the human body is incredible.  I'm feeling better!  I also realize I do not control my bladder.  My bladder controls me.

It's like I'm speed walking to the bathroom and can't even wait for the door to shut before I plop down on the seat.  Man!  I have to go instantly.  No one else is around, praise God.  Otherwise, they'd be getting a show they don't want.  And heaven knows I wouldn't be able to wait in line!

I'm only in my 30s, for goodness sake, and definitely not preggo.  It only gets worse from here, right?  That is a sad, sad truth.

I remember laughing as a kid when my Mom had to go so bad.  Sorry, Mom.  It was funny.

Now I'm hearing about my nephew being potty trained.  He'll lift his arms over his head, triumphantly, while saying, "I did it!"  Apparently, he overhead my brother once and said, "You did it, Daddy!"  Hahaha!!

Being praised for going to the bathroom typically only happens when you're young.  Having an accident may be at any age.  Ugh.  Then there's laughs, sheer panic, mad dashes, complete misses, the "gotta go" dances, and more.

We've all been there...

Hard Knock Life

I made a search for "top life stressors" and clicked on the second list I saw because it also had "and ways to handle them" in the title.  Heck, I'd like some advice and positivity with the bad, which was the following:
1) death of a loved one
2) separation or divorce
3) getting married
4) starting a new job
5) workplace stressors
6) financial problems
7) moving to a new home
8) chronic illness or injury
9) retirement
10) transitioning to adulthood

I can pretty much check 7 out of these 10 over the last 6 months.  Yikes.  There has been some form or fashion of all except numbers 1, 9, and 10.  Although I did not endure number 1, my significant other did (and I tried to comfort), I wish number 9 was happening now, and 10 took place awhile ago but there are days I question why it had to happen (and days I conspire to undo it!).

I will admit to not handling all the stress well, at all times.  Imagine that.

I just read these verses, ironically. 
James 1:2-4,12
Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.
Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.
But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.
Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him.

Had I read those verses before all the stressors began, it might have been a different story.  Maybe.  A little.  I'm far from perfect.  Nonetheless, they are a good reminder and encouragement now.

I definitely felt the pressure, cried, almost ran to get away ...but then got up the next day to do it all again.  I'm not sure I've prayed so much; I know I've had consistent times with God before, but many recent times I was fully enveloped, focused, and engaged, which doesn't always happen to me.  I also see how I will never be independent of God.  So, I don't know exactly about endurance, steadfastness, and patience, but I did learn some things.

I also needed people surrounding me.  I've called many a friend and family member, and I am grateful to have my guy beside me through it all.  I've heard if you want to go fast, go alone;  if you want to go far, go together.  We do, and we've made it this far! 

Maybe it's in my head but he seems to handle things better ...and then I load more on him.  He's actually going through the same things!  And possibly more of it.  Of course, I pray for him, too.

I remember when life seemed a bit easier, and I could go fast.  Yet, I gladly chose a relationship and will always choose him :) and, I suppose in some ways, I haven't slowed down but have tried to pull my guy along.  Psst!  It doesn't really work.  Then throw in the stressors above (and the general expectations I had about romantic relationships, whether good or bad, realistic or not) and my life has experienced some bumps. 

Just as I read and thought of verses, I read and thought of a few quotes:
"Marriage is more about work than about divine luck, more about finding someone to love than about finding someone to meet your own laundry list of personal needs."
Along the lines of: Don't worry about being "enough." Focus on being your best self [for/towards your significant other].
"If you want the benefit of having an ox, you're going to have to endure the poo that comes with it.  The goal is to have a positive poo to ox ratio."
"The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the 'right' person, feeling the 'right' emotions, thinking the 'right' thoughts, or even praying the 'right'prayers.  It's about doing the 'right' things -- period."
"Why doesn't God have a special person just for you?  Because He knows His principles of love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness work, and they work all the time, every time -- no matter to whom you are married."

Whatever the stressor, I know without doubt I have my God, my guy, my family, and my friends.  And I'm going to make it through and be better off for it!

Riding the Bench

My grandfather used to tell us grandkids that he was "riding the bench" when we asked him to go on a ride or do something with us but he didn't want to.  It was a clever way to say, "Nah, I ain't doing that."  Growing up, I didn't like it but now I think it's funny.

That explains the title.  I'll talk about another bench here soon, though.

Last night, I couldn't sleep well due to a massive headache.  I was tossing and turning, just dosing.  Earlier, during my shower time, I was praying and thinking.  The wheels were turning before I hit the sheets.  It's fun to see God work.

I once was asked if I write my posts all in one go.  And yes, 97% of the time, I do.  That's not by chance.  I think I get a small stroke of God-genius!  Especially since some of the stuff I say can't possibly be coming from me.  And I write it.  Usually it starts in my head (shower time), becomes more concrete in a bit of time (tossing in bed), and then is penned (what you're reading now) with a few additions.

I love it!

This particular post came about after talking with someone close to me.  The long of the short is that I ended up saying this:

"I think both our current situations lend themselves to the important facts of relying on our faith and needing to tell ourselves the truth, not just one day but every day.

The truth is what God says.  And it can be applied to ourselves and to our circumstances.

We might also need to simply ask Him what He wants us to do or learn or ask why we're here [in this situation].  I asked Him for one reason as to why I had to stay longer where I am and I believe it was so I could meet and become friends with a certain woman.

I think these verses are better in context and I mainly thought of verse 28, but still, read them:

Romans 8:28-32 from the Amplified Bible
28 We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

29 For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was aware and loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning [foreordaining them] to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness], that He might become the firstborn among many brethren.

30 And those whom He thus foreordained, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified (acquitted, made righteous, putting them into right standing with Himself). And those whom He justified, He also glorified [raising them to a heavenly dignity and condition or state of being].

31 What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?]

32 He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?"

I said a couple other things and hoped they'd be encouraged, at the very least.  I have no idea if they were or not but that doesn't matter in my opinion.  Plant the seed and let God do the rest!  Hard to do but I try.

Anyway, I thought of verse 28 because I believe God will work things out for our good "to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose."  Despite the bad, the pain, and the frustration, God has a good plan.  Now, my attitude during those times could be the problem and definitely needs tweaking...

So, while tossing and turning, an image of a bench came into my mind.  It was a long, older-looking piece.  It had definitely been outside and had seen better days.  Then I imagined God perfectly painting it with a stark, no blemish white.  It then went through a storm and had that distressed look and another one and looked strained and more patchy, but it didn't matter.  God joyfully came to paint it again in that beautiful white.

I thought about it.  And figured, I'm the bench.

I go through rough times and look or feel the worse for wear.  I'm distressed, anxious, frustrated.  Yet, I go through good times and look or feel free.  I'm beautiful, peaceful, beaming.

I will always be reliant on God, no matter my circumstances.  I am being patiently painted by God, who has the perfect stroke to make me into the woman He created me to be and who won't ever quit until I'm with Him.

Naps

Adults should get daily naps!  I feel like that's all I need to say.  Everyone should agree.  There are advantages.  It's a no-brainer! 

I'm going to start a petition.

I've gotten to take one every day for a bit now, and it's glorious.  I feel refreshed after and ready for part two of the day!  Bonus: I still sleep at night!

I think I've overrun myself a smidge and my body is catching up.  Who can relate??  I mean, life is rough sometimes.

Well, off to get extra pampering in while I can! :)