Change

It’s funny to think of all the roles I’ve played or the many, different ways people know me.  You know, what you associate with the people you meet in your life.  It’s funny because people only know what I tell them or see what I want them to see.  I don’t think you’ll ever really know someone.  I mean, I strive to not be fake but I’m the only one who knows the true me, and I know that…

Some things will never change.

I will always be a granddaughter, a daughter, and a sister.  I will always enjoy working out, being active (think swim, bike, run), dancing, and eating healthily.   I will always love to laugh and catch up with or (better yet) see my friends.  I will always love to travel and have a trip in mind.

Some things I hope will never change.

I will hopefully always be considered a good friend and be confirmed as being “sweet and fun.”  I hope to always follow the Lord.  I hope to always have a few close, dear friends.

Some things will change.

I no longer care to play hostess, plan events, or go out without someone I know.   I no longer have a super flexible schedule (so basically covet PTO).  I no longer have familiar people, places, or things in my life.

People change.  Roles, schedules, goals, desires, interests all change.  Some are forced, while some are naturally brought on.  You basically know no one, so you’d rather stay home.  You reach a long-time goal and move on to the next.  You pick up a new hobby because you met someone or want to meet someone.   You have to workout at the crack of dawn because all other time slots are full.  You’re expecting, so you read every “how to be a good parent” book you can get your hands on in the hopes that something sticks.  You want to work on a character flaw, to change for the better.

All of the above can be manipulated by us.  What about the ways people see us that we can’t exactly change because it is how the other person will always see us?  Some of my residents or adopted residents will always see me as an RA, which is sweet in a way, but I haven’t been an RA for years!  There’s the feeling of always being seen as a child in your parent’s eyes when you’re a full-on adult.  The fact that you will always be the “good friend” and never the “best boyfriend/girlfriend.”  The quiet one.  The loud one.  The know-it-all.  The bookworm.  The funny one.

Well, you may never get the chance to change another’s opinion about you.  That could be good, in that they see you with a halo, a glow, and the thought of “they could do no wrong,” or it could be bad, in that they will never see the all-star that you are and can be.

I’m trying to embrace this stage in my life with so much change.  I’m trying to see the good when I feel so out of sorts a lot of the time.  I’m trying to dig deep and make positive changes.  While driving today, I realized that…

I can be whomever I want.

No labels here.  No one knows that I was an RA or that I’ve run marathons or that I’m sickeningly loyal (like, that’s a bad thing) or that I like making cards or that I think I can cook.  No one knows my short-comings, my accomplishments, my past, my likes, my dislikes, my quirks, my fears.  I could be sweet, sarcastic, opinionated, coy, deep, shallow, forgiving, hard to please, needy, or strong.

I can do whatever I want. 

No rules here.  I can blow my PTO on whatever, whether it’s a wedding, a doctor’s appointment, or an awesome trip.  I could flirt and date.  I could play soccer, decorate how I like, bake all weekend, or read what I fancy.  I could blare my music and drive with the windows down.  I could have masks or have no cover at all.

People change.  Circumstances change.  Life brings change.

Change is scary.  It’s going into the unknown and sometimes you feel like you’re alone.

Change could be good, unwanted yet necessary, swift, or long overdo.

I’d like to think I gracefully came into this current wave of change but that would be believing a lie.  And I know a lot more change is coming.  I only pray that it is change for the better with others who love me for me and with the One who is Unchangeable.